Well...Fuck. If I'm being honest with myself, I really could have used a good night’s sleep.

I was exhausted, and if it weren't for the coke, I would have probably collapsed into a heap on the floor. Maybe I would give my body a break and head up to my room for a shower. I would lie in bed and watch some movies for a change; possibly try and sleep for once.

"Linc, you and I need to talk," Court told me, giving the guys a look that told them it was time for them to leave.

Once we had the dressing room to ourselves, he said, "Linc, as a part of the contract that you signed, might I remind you, it clearly states there is to be no trashing of equipment on stage. It's a liability risk. You know that. What if some unsuspecting fan was to have been hurt from a piece of flying wood? We could be sued and the venue could have been sued. You're damn lucky that didn't happen tonight."

"It's my fucking guitar, my money, and if I want to destroy it, I will. You don't say a word to Jinx when he throws his drum sticks into the crowd, or when Chance throws guitar picks. You seem to be riding my ass an awful lot lately," I told him. "I don't like it!" I said through clenched teeth.

"I don't give a shit whether you like it or not. The crowd expects the drum sticks and the guitar picks, but they're not watching for splinters of wood to come flying at their faces. As for me being on your ass a lot lately, I have to be. You're always doing some kind of crazy shit that's either going to injure someone, or worse yet, kill them or yourself," he told me. I could feel my blood boiling in my veins. It was all I could do not to pound him into the ground with my bare fists at that moment, but I held myself back because I was not a big fan of jail.

"I pay part of your salary, and I'm telling you to get off my ass and leave me alone!" I shouted.

"Linc, I was hired by the group to look out for the band’s best interest and keep you safe from harm, even if that means harm from yourselves. I should have done this before now--"

I interrupted him before he could finish. "What are you saying?" I asked with my hands balled into tight fists at my side.

He sighed heavily before speaking again. “Linc, you're suspended from the band until further notice. I suggest that you check yourself into rehab and get yourself clean, maybe even see a therapist if that's what it takes. Then maybe, just maybe the guys will take you back once you have cleaned yourself up," he told me.

"I'll talk to the guys. They won't go along with this," I told him, and in my gut, I didn’t believe myself.

This is it. It's finally come to this.

"They'll back me. We met after the last show and we all decided that this is what needed to happen. I'm sorry, man but it's for your own good, whether you believe me or not," he said, staring at me for a moment. When I didn’t speak, he turned and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Fuck!

I dropped down into one of the chairs and rested my head in my hands.

This can't be happening to me. How did I get to this point in my life?

Every morning I woke up and looked in the mirror, I had to ask myself who the man was staring back at me. I no longer knew him. When I went to bed at night, I prayed that I would just be swallowed up by the darkness, and I wouldn’t have to face the man in that mirror the next morning. I picked up the bottle of whiskey from the floor and swallowed half the bottle, concentrating on the trail of heat all the way from my mouth to the pit of my stomach. I needed it. I welcomed it, anything to take me away from the reality of what I had become. Letting the bottle slip through my fingers it landed on its side and whiskey poured out onto the floor. I didn’t even bother to pick it up. I pushed myself up from the chair and headed over to the hotel.

When I finished with my shower, I pulled on a pair of pajama pants and ordered pizza before grabbing the remote and settling on the bed. I flipped through the channels until I came to a familiar movie. I thought I probably wouldn’t even watch it, it was just background noise; a distraction from my thoughts. I poured myself a drink from the bottle of Jack that was so conveniently sitting on the nightstand beside the bed. By the time the food arrived I had already drank half of the bottle. I was feeling pretty relaxed, sleepy even. I forced a piece of pizza down, only because I didn't eat much the day before and I was not so much out of it that I didn’t realize that I needed to eat. I washed the slice down with what was left in the bottle. My body felt relaxed. My limbs were heavy, and I could barely hold my eyes open. I struggled to concentrate on the movie, but my eyes became blurry, the sounds faded into the darkness, and I lost the struggle to remain conscious.

**********

Where am I?

My fucking head was killing me. My throat felt like I had swallowed a bunch of broken glass. I strained to open my eyes when I heard muffled voices around me. My vision was blurry and my hearing was fuzzy. I was conscious enough to know that I was no longer in my hotel room, but where was I? Hell? With the lifestyle I was living, I was pretty sure that was where I would go, but my body was cold, so maybe I was waiting to cross over to my eternity.

"Linc?" I could barely make out my name through the static sound in my ears. "Linc? You need to wake up. Please wake up?"

I'm trying. I am, but it's a struggle and right now, I'm just too tired to fight. I'm cold, so, so cold.

I tried to force my eyes open, but they were too heavy and I was too weak. I lost my struggle when everything went silent.

Honesty

"Shouldn't he be waking up by now?" I asked the doctor who was looking over the monitors alongside Linc's hospital bed.

"He had a lot of chemicals in his system. We pumped as much of them out as we could, and now the rest is up to him. His vitals are stronger than they were yesterday. That tells me that his body is getting stronger. He's lucky to be here. Keep talking to him, he can hear you. Give him all the encouragement you can." He nodded his head and left the room. It was not the news I was hoping for, but at this point, I would take it. He had been unconscious for two whole days, and I wished he would just wake up.

"How's he doing?" Levi, Chance, Jinx and Court all walked into the room at the same time.

"The doctor says he's stronger today than he was yesterday, and now it's pretty much up to him if he pulls out of it or not," I told them, gripping his hand in mine. I could already feel the tears building behind my eyes again.

"I should have forced him into rehab months ago, but I was too focused on finishing out the tour to really stop and think about what was best for him. I knew it was bad, but I never dreamed something like this would happen," Court said with sorrow in his eyes and guilt on his face.

"We can sit here all day long and blame ourselves, but we all know in the end that Linc's gonna do what Linc's gonna do. We've known him for over a year now. He is what he is. If you told him not to cross the road after seven P. M. he would be waiting on the corner at six fifty-eight so he wouldn't be late, and at exactly seven P. M., he would walk across that road and flip you off once he got to the other side. It's how he's wired, and add the addiction in and it's a dangerous combination. We need to move forward now and help him get through this and get healthy," Jinx stated.

"You hear that dickhead? We need your sorry ass, so you need to wake up!" Levi grabbed his bare foot through the blanket and gave it a shake. When he looked at me, I could see his own tears building in his eyes.