There was only one thing that truly sucked about my drug use: the fact that I hooked up with anyone and everyone who offered. I had no restraint. I didn’t have the ability to say, “No.” If I saw a beautiful woman, I wouldn’t be able to rest until I had her. There had been numerous times that I had awoken in a strange bed, not remembering how I got there, or even if we had had sex. That was what happened with Tegan. We got high and she came on to me, put her hands on me, and I didn't have the ability to say, “No.”

I fucked up!

I should have pushed her away. Any other time, I would have, but this time I didn't, and I hurt the one person who meant the most to me. We didn’t like to tour with Sweet Misery and we had made that very clear, but when their manager called and begged for a favor, Court gave in. If we had tried to get rid of them this time, we never would have found a replacement in such a short length of time.

Tegan and Courtney were always pulling some kind of shit. The previous year, Courtney pretended to be Chance's wife when he brought a girl back to the bus after the show and Tegan had never been able to keep her hands to herself, or the cocaine.

Storming off down the hall, I took the elevator to the lobby and headed straight to the bar. I slid into one of the empty booths and asked the waitress to bring me a bottle of Jack. I was tossing back my fourth shot when someone slid into the booth with me. Tegan.

"I looked everywhere for you after the show," Tegan said, brushing her lips across my ear. "I thought we could hang out, you know, keep each other company," she stated, running her pink tongue over her bottom lip. "I have a little something in my room that can make this night a whole lot more fun," she said and kissed me. I signaled the waitress to bring another glass and we both continued doing shots until the bottle was empty.

I knew it was a bad idea, but what harm could it do now? Honesty had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. Tegan looked at me beneath dark lashes, her blue eyes full of mischief. She really was a beautiful girl. I could get lost in her ocean blue eyes, but they were nothing compared to the striking green colour of Honesty's eyes.

"So...What do you say?" She asked and I shook my head to clear my thoughts the best that I could.

"What?" I asked her, trying to clear my alcoholic brain.

"What do you say we go to my room and have a little fun?" She asked, pausing for a moment before speaking again. "We can just talk if you want. I'm alone and you're alone," she said, and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "I'll make it worth it." Once again, The Ghost appeared in the back of my mind and I gave in to the temptation.

"Come on. We can go be alone together," I said, as I scooted closer to her in the booth, forcing her to slide out, and I followed close behind. When we arrived at her room on the fifth floor, she slid her key card and opened the door. When I stepped inside, my eyes were immediately drawn to the sexy-as-hell purple lace bra and thong lying on the bed. My dick took notice and struggled against my zipper to be freed. She grabbed my hand and led me over to the bed and picked up her underwear, tossing it onto a pile of clothes on the floor. I sat on the edge of the bed while she dug through her suitcase, and then pulled out a small black metal box. She took out a small mirror, along with a razor blade and a small vial. Once she had formed the lines on the glass, she handed me a rolled up dollar bill. I lowered my head and snorted the first line. My eyes rolled back in my head as I waited for the cocaine to hit my system. My head spun and the familiar feeling of euphoria flooded my system, along with the feeling of floating on a cloud. Once the cocaine had taken its full effect, I felt like there was nothing that I couldn’t do. I pushed myself off of the bed and stood in front of her.

"Strip," I ordered. She lowered the zipper on the side of her skirt and let it land on the floor around her feet. Her small hands grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and lifted it over her head, dropping it on the floor beside the bed. I let my eyes travel over her naked body. She had pierced nipples and music notes tattooed along her left side, running the length of her entire side and extending over her left hip. That was new since the last time I had seen her. "Get on the bed, on your hands and knees, and face the wall," I demanded. She placed her knee on the end of the bed and crawled up to the middle of the bed. Her shaved pussy was open and weeping, just begging to be fucked. I took a condom from my jeans and lowered my pants to my knees, stepping out of them and crawled onto the bed, positioning myself behind her. I grabbed my hard cock, rolled on the condom and pumped it in my fist a few times before sliding it through her slit and coating myself in her juices. When she pushed her backside against me in an eager attempt to speed things along, I landed a harsh slap to her plump backside, causing her to cry out.

"Don't fucking move unless I tell you to," I growled and she complied. I rubbed my hand over the pink skin where I had slapped her and her body twitched under my touch. With one hand in her hair and the other gripping her waist, I slammed into her hard, causing her to rock forward from the impact. I gripped her hips so tight that I was pretty sure it would leave a bruise, but in that moment, I didn’t care. My fucking body was in overdrive and I had so much energy coursing through my veins that I felt like I could pound her through the mattress. I thrust in and out of her fast and hard, going deeper with each thrust.

"Oh God! I love that fucking piercing," she moaned. I pulled almost all the way out before ramming back in and causing her to fall forward on to the bed. With her face buried into the mattress, I continued to pound into her harder and deeper with each thrust.

"I'm close. I'm going to come," she said before her body shattered beneath me. I slammed into her relentlessly until I felt the familiar tingle at the base of my spine. Pulling out of her, I removed the condom and stroked my cock three more times before I spilled my release in the crack of her ass. Turning her head to the side, she peered up at me with mascara smudged under her eyes, her damp hair stuck to her face. I left the condom lying on the bed beside her and crawled off the end of the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked, watching as I continued to dress.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting dressed so I can leave," I told her as I buttoned my jeans and buckled my belt. She scrambled to sit up on the bed and stared at me with confusion in her big, blue eyes.

"You're not staying?

"No. There's only one woman that I would stay for and you've already fucked that up for me."

"Is this because of Jinx's cunt sister?" She snarled.

"Don't you fucking call her that!” I exclaimed, clenching my fists at my side. I'd never in my life hit a woman, although I wanted nothing more in that moment for what she called Honesty, but I was not that much of an asshole, even while I was fucked up. I walked out the door without another word, headed back down to the hotel bar, and slid into one of the vacant booths. I nodded to the bartender and the next thing I knew; I was drinking Jack straight from the bottle.

What the fuck did I just do?

Court was right when he told me that I was spiraling out of control. I was not only spiraling, I was on a freight train headed straight to hell. I was no longer in control. The coke was controlling me now. When I first snorted a line, I felt like I was in heaven. I felt alive, like nothing could touch me, but the high was short lived. It took more and more to keep me up now a days. What I once considered my heaven was quickly turning into my hell. I knew what I needed to do, I was just not sure that I could do it.