Buddy shot Keenan an impressive glare before slowly crawling his way on top of the monkey bars. His shaking and panic didn’t start until he looked down. I could see the trembles form in his arms even from down here.

“You can come down now.”

“I—I can’t. It’s too high.”

“Just move slowly like you did when you climbed up.”

“I can’t. I’m scared. Please help me.” Buddy was full out crying now as his sobs shook his body, and his hands formed a death grip on the bars.

“Quit shaking or you’re going to fall! I’m coming to get you,” Keenan yelled.

“No. Let him get down. He can do it.”

“But what if he falls? He’ll be hurt, and we’ll get in trouble.”

“We didn’t make him do it. He wanted to prove a point and be stupid, so let him prove his point. He can’t be afraid forever.”

“But Keiran—”

“I said no. If he falls so be it.” 

“Buddy!” A frantic voice called from a few feet away. I watched two girls run up to the monkey bars from the main playground. The girl who called out Buddy’s name wasn’t much bigger than he was. Her wild, curly, red hair was a rat’s nest on top of her head. I didn’t know much else about her though because my mind became transfixed by the person she dragged behind her.

It was her.

The girl outside the burger shack.

There she was again, looking perfect and… innocent.

An unfamiliar feeling similar to an electric shock started at my fingertips and worked its way up to my brain. Why was she still here? It had only been two days since I first saw her at Pies, Shakes, & Things, but her still being here made me… afraid?

No.

I haven’t felt fear in two years, and I wasn’t about to start now because of some girl I haven’t even met. She had to go.

My eyes never once left her, though she didn’t seem to notice me at all. More kids started to gather around the monkey bars as Buddy’s cries grew louder until he was nearly screaming. No one moved to help him. Most of them had witnessed what I did to the other two boys, so they assumed I either would help him, or I knew better than to interfere. I’d all but forgotten about him when she appeared. Her appearance was perfectly polished, complete with rosy cheeks and bright blue eyes.

She nudged the wild looking girl and said something to her. Whatever her response was seemed to annoy her because she released a heavy breath and took a step forward.

Was she?

I wasn’t about to let her get up there.

What if she hurt herself?

Why did I care?

By the time she touched the ladder, ready to start her climb, my old self from six months ago was in place. I wanted to make her hurt.

“Stop.”

I would forever remember the moment her eyes met mine. A sea of green and a sky of blue. I tracked every subtle movement her body made—the way her hair blew when the wind picked up, the single bead of sweat on her brow, the way her lips parted as if she were dying of thirst, how her fingers clutched at the bars, and her chest heaved up and down as she watched me watch her.

Buddy started to cry harder and said something about going home. Whatever it was caused the girl to break our connection and start to climb the bars again. I was on the other side before I realized my feet had even moved. My hand closed around her foot, stopping her from taking another step.

“No,” I said again. What was the stupid girl trying to do?

“Look, I don't know who you are or what your deal is, but he needs help, and he is going to get it from me. Got it?”

She was halfway up the ladder before I could think of what to say. She left me feeling stumped, and I didn’t like it one bit. I didn’t waste any time grabbing the bar and following after her. She was disobedient, and disobedience had to be punished.

It was very easy for me to sneak up on her because she was so focused on Buddy. He must have seen something in my eyes because his widened in fear, and before he or she could react, I’d pushed her off.

I regretted it immediately after it happened, but it was too late. All I could do was watch her hit the ground with a sickening crunch.

She was still.

Too still and for a moment…

I thought I had killed her.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Lake

I don’t know what drove me here, but somehow, I had ended up at the playground. For some reason, I felt the need to be here. This was the place it all began. It was where I first laid eyes on my tormentor.  He gave me a lot of memories to hold on to for the rest of my life. Most of them were bad, but it was all I had. The good memories were the ones I would cherish.  An involuntary shiver ran through me when I remembered the hard way he took me, and the way he controlled my body and my desires. I would miss that. I would miss him.

“I am so stupid,” I grumbled and kicked at the sand beneath my feet.

“Then I have to be the dumbest shit in the world.”

I closed my eyes and kept my head down. It wasn’t real. He isn’t here.

“Look at me, baby.”

A small sound escaped me when I realized he really was there. “Why are you here?”

“The same reason you are… I think I came to find you. Were you thinking about me just now?”

“Why does it matter?”

“It matters,” he merely stated.

“But why?” Because my head was down, I didn’t see him come closer until it was too late. He lifted my chin with his finger, but I kept my eyes tightly closed.

Instead of deterring him, he pressed tender kisses, first on my eyelids, and then all over my face. “Because it means I have a chance.”

“A chance for what?”

“To make you stay.”

I felt his hands on both sides of my face. “Why are you doing this?”

“Open your eyes.”

“Tell me why—”

“Not until you look at me.”

Nope. No way. My knees weakened from the feel of his hands.

“Please,” he whispered against my lips before his connected with mine in a tender kiss. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer. The way he handled me made me feel fragile as if I would break at any moment. I probably would.

I finally opened my eyes when he delivered a final peck to my lips and rested his forehead against mine. When I looked into his eyes, they were no longer stormy. They held hope.

“I love you.”

I shook my head, causing our foreheads to rub together. He gripped me tighter as if sensing my need to escape. “I might have even loved you that day in the pharmacy. You were so beautiful… and so scared. For the first time since I met you, I didn’t want you to be afraid of me.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“My biggest regret in life was making you cry, and if I have to spend the rest of it making sure you never have another bad day, then I will die a happy man.”

“I thought you didn't have regrets.”

“Only the ones I can’t change.”

“What about Mitch? And Lily? Will I have to spend the rest of mine convincing you I’m not her ghost?”

“I want to show you something.” He dropped his arms from my waist and pulled his shirt over his head. I gave him a crazy look. It was fifty degrees, maybe colder outside, and he was standing before me without a shirt.

“Keiran, what are you doing? This is hardly the time to think about sex.”

“No, that comes later.”

“Cocky, much?”

“Hopeful.” I softened at his words and the look in his eyes. “Remember when I told you I confess my sins the only way I know how? That’s why I had the tattoo made.