“So what’s the deal? Are you on your period?”

“No.” I wipe my nose with my hand and then look around for a tissue. I pull one from a box on the nightstand. “I spent the night here and had massive sex with Ozzie.”

“Whoa. Massive sex? Is that different than regular sex?”

“Duh. Obviously.” She’s already got me smiling. Tears are still coming, but at least I’m not sobbing anymore.

“Okay, so why is that making you cry?”

I sigh, trying to push through the sorrow. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Uhhhh, yeah?”

“I mean without you freaking out on me.”

There’s a three-second pause before she responds. “Did you do anal sex? Is that what this is about?”

“Jennifer Alexandria Wexler! No! That’s not what this is about!” When I get over my shock, I laugh again. She’s nuts.

“Okay, then what is it? Geez.” She giggles too.

I can’t explain to her why I’m upset if she doesn’t know the whole story. I hate that I have to tell her anything that might make her worry, but I don’t have a choice. I need advice because I don’t trust myself to make the right decision on my own. My heart is biased in favor of Ozzie.

“Last night my house alarm went off. There was an intruder on the property.”

“Oh no.” Her laughter stops, replaced by concern.

“Ozzie was with me. He handled the call to the alarm company after he made sure no one was there, but he said I needed to come to his place and stay until he could figure out what was going on.”

“Sure he did.” I can hear the smile in her voice.

“It’s not a joke, Jen.”

“No, of course not. I’m glad there wasn’t anyone trying to break in and that Ozzie was there for you. Continue.”

“One thing led to another and we had sex. Twice.”

“Hmmm . . .”

“And it was really, really good.”

“No anal, though, eh?”

“Stop!” I laugh again. I can’t help it. It’s way better than crying, anyway.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Anyway . . . today was just my second day of work. So there I am, working with him, the whole time thinking about what we did last night.”

“As I’m sure he was.”

“How do you know that?”

“How could he not? Men think about sex over a hundred times a day. Or is it a thousand? I can’t remember. Anyway, it’s a lot. And you don’t think he was reliving those moments with you? Imagining all the ones he wants to have in the future? Please. The guy probably had a raging hard-on all day long.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I do. He did. Trust me. He’s probably imagining you bent over the toilet right now.”

“Wow. That’s sexy.”

“You have no idea what’s sexy to a man. They’re sick puppies.”

“I’m starting to get scared about how you know all this.”

“What can I say? Miles talked too much.”

“Ew. Not all men are like Miles.”

“Yes, they are. They all are. So what else? Why are you crying?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure.”

“It’s your period. Has to be.”

“No, it’s not. I think it’s just . . . overwhelming. I changed jobs just days ago, started working with a team of really nice but slightly crazy people, I’m sleeping with my new boss—living in his house, for God’s sake. My dog is in love with his dog . . . it’s crazy! Nuts! Who does this kind of stuff?!”

“That does sound a lot more interesting than my life. You know what I did today?”

“No. What did you do today?” I wipe my nose again and let out a big sigh. I’m feeling better already.

“I removed a hairball from my shower drain that was the size of a baseball.”

“Ew.” I can totally picture it. My sister has really long, thick hair. “That’s disgusting, Jen. I’m so not glad you told me that.”

“I thought about mailing it to Miles, but then I didn’t.”

“Probably a good move. We wouldn’t want him having you declared legally insane.”

“If he doesn’t come get these kids from me this weekend, he’s going to learn all about legally insane, trust me.”

“If he doesn’t show, I will.” I go all warm thinking about my sister and her kids. At least some things never change. I can always count on them for love bundled up in a whole lot of noise.

“And what does the man in your life think of all this?” Jenny asks.

“The man in my life? What man?”

“Felix.”

“Oh.” I picture him and Sahara sleeping together. “He’s in love with Ozzie’s dog. He doesn’t even sleep with me anymore.”

“Wow. That is serious.”

“I know.”

“I think you should trust Felix’s judgment.”

“Really?” It’s kind of crazy, but that makes a lot of sense to me. Felix has never let me down.

“I don’t know. Don’t dogs have a sixth sense about people?”

I think about it for a second. “He does have his preferences.”

“He hated that one boyfriend of yours, remember?”

I snort. “How can I forget? The guy was a felon, a fact he neglected to mention when I first met him.”

“Good thing your sister is a computer wiz who can do background checks.”

I smile. “Saved my butt again.”

“Yeah, well, I’m here for you. Always.”

“Thanks, sis.”

“So you’re going to stick this out?” she asks.

I nod, feeling way more confident about it than I was ten minutes ago. “I am. I’m worried I’m going to get my heart destroyed when he figures out we’re really not all that compatible, but until then, I guess I’ll just enjoy myself.”

“Yeah, do that. Great idea. You can’t live life always worried about what might happen tomorrow.”

“That’s pretty much what he said.”

“See? He’s obviously very smart. When are you going to bring him around to meet the kids?”

“Can I? Should I? Isn’t it too soon?”

“I don’t see how it can be too soon if you’re sleeping with him. I guess it means you’re serious about him, and that’s what matters.”

“Maybe I’m just sleeping with him because I’m wild and free and live life by the seat of my pants.”

“Yeah, right. How long did it take your last boyfriend to get in your pants?”

“Four months.”

“Exactly. Obviously this Ozzie guy is different. Bring him over tomorrow if you feel like it. I have the lasagna already made.”

I chew my lip, considering the offer. “I’ll let you know.”

“Okay. Listen, Sammy’s been quiet too long, so I’d better go. He’s probably beheading all his sister’s dolls again.”

“Wow. That’s not freaky at all.”

“He’s a boy.” She sighs. “Boys are so different from girls.”

“Okay, better go lock him up. Thanks, Jenny. I really appreciate you putting up with my mania.”

“It’s not mania. You’re just being a girl, and you’re allowed to act like one.”

“Love you.”

“Love you more! Bye!” She hangs up before I can respond.

Dammit. I hate when she wins the love-you-more game so easily.

I send a quick text before shutting my phone off.

Me: Love you more! Ha!

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

I use a wet washcloth to erase the signs of my breakdown, and then I return to the kitchen with renewed vigor and determination, joining Ozzie and Toni at the table. Lucky comes in as Ozzie starts to talk and sits next to me.

“Did either of you get any data today worth discussing?” Ozzie’s addressing Toni.

“Not sure. I wrote a few things down.” She pulls a legal pad out of a folder and runs her finger down the page. “I think someone must have opened a window at some point, because I started picking up conversations inside the house too, I think.”

“Good.” Ozzie nods.

“I heard a lot of the regular BS, people just shooting the breeze and messing around, but then there was some talk about a problem they were having that hadn’t been resolved yet.”