“Actually, it’s kind of nice seeing a different side of you,” I say. Tank’s brow furrows, and he balls his fist on the table beside his plate as his angry blue eyes settle on me. I avert my gaze.

“Jonah. The roast,” Adeline prompts, with a smile that has him shooting her a “don’t start” face. Seeing that connection between them, a trust based on love and loyalty with no desire to gain something more, has a lump forming in my throat. I was too young to have that with my mother. She laughed and played with me, but she never got the chance to do that with me as her adult daughter. If she’d survived, I’m certain we would have had that, and maybe it would be me bringing home Tank to meet my mother instead of the other way around. Then again if she’d lived, I doubt very much that I’d have met Tank at all.

I stare down at my plate as I contemplate this, and Tank interrupts my thoughts by slapping several huge slices of roast meat on it. I open my mouth to protest, but he shoots me a warning glare and I promptly shut up. I glance at Adeline, who’s watching the two of us like a hawk. For the first time since I arrived, she doesn’t look happy.

“At the risk of sounding like my son, eat. Please? I don’t want to be left with all this food when the two of you leave.” She passes me the dish for the baked potatoes, and I take one and set it on my plate.

“You need to eat more than that, Ivy,” Tank says.

“I’m fine,” I say, scowling at him. “Thank you.”

“Bullshit,” Tank says and snatches up the serving spoons, throwing vegetables on my plate. He slops a huge amount of gravy from the gravy boat onto the meal and slams it down on the table.

“I can feed myself,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Then fucking do it,” he snaps. “I can’t be the only one invested in your health here.”

“Excuse me,” I say, standing and stepping away from the table.

“Sit your arse down and eat,” he says, and I bristle all over. I don’t want to make a scene in front of his mother, but if we were alone I would have picked up my plate and thrown it at him by now. Christ, he drives me fucking crazy. I can’t keep up. One minute he’s hot, the next I’m reaching for a fucking thermal blanket to ward away the chill.

“I need a minute,” I say to Adeline. She just gives me a small understanding smile.

“Ivy!” Tank shouts.

“Jonah,” his mother snaps, and he turns to look at her while I stalk out of the room and slip into the bathroom. I lock the door behind me and lean my weight against it. Outside, I can hear them arguing in hushed whispers.

“What the fuck else am I supposed to do, Ma?”

“Well, you’re not supposed to embarrass her in front of your mother, dumbarse.”

He gives a pained sigh. “I just … I don’t know what the fuck I’m fighting for if she won’t fight to save herself.”

“You’re a good man, Jonah.” He hisses and she goes on. “It’s true. I know you don’t save lives at the club, but I know you save the ones that matter. And I can see that she matters. You need to find a way to tread more carefully with her though, or she will run, and this will all be for nothing.”

This is all for nothing. Doesn’t he see that? I can’t be fixed, glued or taped back together, because I’ve never been whole. I’m not worth mending. The sooner he comes to understand this, the better.

I can’t hear anymore. I move away from the door and stand in front of the sink, resting my arms on the porcelain basin. I stare long and hard at my reflection, and then I carefully open the cabinet again, and take out the little cardboard boxes of pills. I take one of each and put them in my bra, because if I pop an oxy now I’ll be falling off the damn bike the whole way home.

I place the boxes back in the cabinet and quietly close the door. Tank’s voice rises again. “I don’t care, just as long as she’s alive to still be a fuckin’ pain in my arse.”

My chest warms, and I glance down at the pills in my bra and shake my head. It doesn’t matter how he feels about me. I’m a lost cause. I steal pain medication from old ladies with back problems. I lie and I cheat and steal to get what I want. I don’t deserve someone like Tank; I don’t even deserve Kick. I deserve someone as evil and as fucked up as my father, because I’m exactly what he made me: a thieving, drug-addicted whore.

“You need to trust that she knows what’s right for her, Jonah.”

“I need to save her from herself.”

“No, you need to stand by her while she saves herself. Not all women are strong enough. I wasn’t, and I regret every day that I hadn’t taken a stand against your father. I regret every day that it had to be you. Let her save herself, and she’ll save you in return.”

I can’t listen to any more of this. I can’t have Adeline give him hope for a future with me because there is none. I have no future, I have no prospects, and I certainly have no intention of falling in love with a man I don’t deserve. I yank open the door and join them at the table. Adeline releases her son’s hand and straightens.

“Well, let’s eat. Ivy, if there’s too much on your plate, don’t eat it all. We don’t want you exploding on us.”

Tank lets out a groan and picks up his fork, stabbing at a potato.

“Jonah. Let’s not be a tyrant and say grace, shall we?”

He huffs and takes hold of his mother’s hand. Adeline rests her well-manicured hand on top of mine. The shell pink polish stands out in stark relief against my worn chipped nails. She gives me a gentle smile and bows her head as she says grace, adding on to the end, “Grant Jonah the gift of patience, and God, we ask that you grant Ivy the strength to put up with him. God knows he can be an ogre.”

I try to stifle a laugh, but it comes out anyway. Adeline laughs too, and even as I roll my gaze upward to meet Tank’s, I find him fighting that gorgeous grin that teases at the corner of his lips. I realise that I want that smile badly, but he just shakes his head and starts devouring his meal.

The food is delicious and, despite there being far too much, I find myself eating all of it. When we’re done, Tank leans back in his chair and pats his distended belly. It’s hard to believe there’s even a stomach under that wall of abs he’s so fond of showing off. “Thanks, Ma. It was delicious, as always.”

“You’re welcome, Puddin’.” She pats his hand and stands. “You know what? Why don’t you go sit out on the deck? Ivy can help me clear these things away.”

“It’s okay. I got it—”

“You know, Son, subtlety never really was your strong suit. Go, shoo. I want to have a girl-to-girl chat with Ivy.”

Oh no. No, no, no, no.

I send Tank a pleading glance and he just chuckles and strolls out onto the deck that separates the dining room from the yard.

“Thanks for lunch. It really was delicious.”

“You’re very welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” She carries dishes of food into the kitchen and I follow her with the stack of plates I collected. “I’m sorry about Jonah’s behaviour. He really is a beast sometimes, but he means well.”

“Yeah. I’m familiar with how much of a beast he can be.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” She gives me a conspiratorial smile and my eyes grow wide.

“Oh, I didn’t mean—”

“Relax, Ivy, I’m just messing with you. Besides, I was a young woman once. I remember what being taken by a big, strapping man felt like.”

Oh God. I can actually feel the heat clawing at my cheeks.

“I might be old, sweetheart, but I’m not dead. In the first few years with Jonah’s father, all we did was get naked. It was glorious, and then Jonah came along, and my heart had swollen past the point I ever thought I could love, but Wayne’s hadn’t. He saw my baby boy as an intrusion. He never wanted children; his father was a bastard and had raised him with a brutal hand, and Wayne thought that we should do the same with Jonah. He also thought I should be dealt with in the same manner. I happily took that punishment to keep it from Jonah, and then the beatings got worse. The drinking and gambling got worse, and so did his temper.”