The dog had lost interest in us and fallen asleep at our feet, so I dropped his leash and slipped my hand into her pants, thrilled to discover she wasn’t wearing any underwear. My finger delved right into her already wet folds, slipping out and skimming the lips before diving back inside. One finger, then two, with my thumb on her clit. She liked that, I knew.

We’d been fooling around a lot these last few weeks. Not all the time, though; it wasn’t just about sex. We’d talk, laugh, tickle, and end up fucking each other’s brains out.

I had a lot to talk about with Wells regarding Aly, and wasn’t sure if I should be looking forward to this appointment or dreading it.

After parking the truck, I hurried into the shrink’s office. When she ushered me in, I tossed my leather jacket over the back of the uncomfortable couch, then sat down gingerly on the dainty piece of shit and kicked my feet out in front of me.

Doc looked over her glasses at me. “Good to see you, Jake. You missed an appointment.”

“I know. Got caught up with work and life.”

“Care to tell me about it?” She leaned forward, setting her notepad down on the table in front of us.

“Gyms are coming along. The new one is back on schedule and going to open on time. Lane’s happy about that. Bess is happy, of course. She needs to see me happy.”

“That’s a lot of happiness.” She raised an eyebrow. “Are you happy?”

“Part of me can’t believe the success I’m having in business. I was always such a fuckup, and still am.”

Tapping her pen on her pad, she frowned at me. “You can’t think that entirely.”

I shrugged my shoulders. Who knew? Once a fuckup; always a fuckup.

“I don’t know. I know I don’t deserve to have all this happy, especially with a woman,” I said, using air quotes on the word of the day.

“Why not?”

Enraged, I stood and paced. “Because! Because of what I did, but here I am . . . happy . . . and falling for a girl.”

“Maybe you’re forgiving yourself?” Doc asked, not asking me to sit like she normally would.

I was so filled with tension, my muscles flexed and strained to the point I thought I’d rip my jeans. Back and forth I paced, my heavy black running shoes looking out of place on the pink carpet.

“I’m not doing that,” I spat out. “This was about me helping someone, doing good, but I’m sucking out all of her greatness, all her shine. I don’t deserve it.”

“Jake, sit.”

She used her no-bullshit voice, the one she rarely brought out, so of course, I listened.

“You need to think long and hard,” she said, pinning me with a caring but firm glare. “You are good. Better than that. You don’t need another person to give you goodness. Maybe you two are sharing all that’s wonderful about each other? This woman and you.”

I shook my head, but considered what she was saying. Aly had been through something similar, and she survived. Look how she was conquering the world and not allowing a stupid statute of limitations to ruin her life. Could I do the same?

No. I couldn’t.

“I can’t be happy until Shirley pays somehow. And now Camper is back; she’s like a fucking fixture in my life. She had this weird attack outside her apartment and came running to me. Now she checks in every day. I don’t know what she wants, but I can’t keep it for much longer from Aly.”

“Why don’t you say anything? And why didn’t you in the first place?”

Dr. Wells crossed and uncrossed her legs, and for a moment I was distracted at the thought of Aly’s long limbs—wrapped around me, laid out in bed waiting for me, walking a step or two ahead of me with Maverick.

“Camper thinks I’ll do something,” I said with a snort. “Come to her rescue or some white-knight shit like that, but I made her call the police this time. I can’t get involved, risk getting into a fight anymore. What would Aly do if I landed in jail again?”

Frustrated, I smacked my hand onto the table in front of me, sending the doo-dads scattered over it rattling all over the hard surface.

“What the fuck? Why didn’t you even flinch?” I yelled at her.

“Jake, I’ve seen you get pretty violent and punch a hole in my wall. In the year or more that I’ve known you, you’ve never been violent with another human unless there was good reason. I’m not condoning violence, but I’m not afraid of you.”

“You should be,” I said savagely. “I kill people. That’s what Camper wants from me. My evil is all I’m good for. And Aly thinks I’m good, but I’m not. I definitely don’t deserve the peace she brings me.”

“You need to think about what you’re saying, Jake,” Dr. Wells said in a soothing voice. “That’s not you. I know you’re tough, but you don’t like to see others suffering.”

When I said nothing but just shrugged, she continued. “Look what happened when Bess was hurt and Lane asked you to run to see her. You told me you ran. Look who made Lane come to terms with his pain? You.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Done with this, I stood again and snagged my jacket from the back of the couch. As I headed out, more weight than I’d ever bench-pressed rode on my shoulders out the door.

Aly

I really needed some time to think, about work, actually. Cameron was screwing with me. Even in his absence, I was starting to think he took me for a PD who was still wet behind the ears. I wasn’t, yet he thought he could keep manipulating me. There was no way I could continue to allow that.

The last few weeks with Jake had been amazing, almost dream-like, but I needed to take off my Cinderella ball gown and slippers, and gather my strength. Work needed to come first, so when Jake texted around five o’clock, I was torn. I hadn’t seen him since he left me in his bed before sunrise two days ago, but I had something to prove to myself. I couldn’t keep giving all my energy to him. Could I?

JAKE : Dinner? Want to go out? Sushi?

ME : I can’t tonight. Got to work.

JAKE : Seriously?

ME : :(

Yes, I’d turned into a silly, confused, constantly daydreaming, emoji-using girl who didn’t know if she was in like or in love when it came to Jake Wrigley.

JAKE : I wanted my favorite dessert. YOU.

As I sat on the bus reading his text, I blushed, wanting and needing him.

ME : Tomorrow? Rain check?

JAKE : It’s a date.

I got off at the stop for the Cathedral of Learning, needing to run the stairs a few hundred times to get my head right. I should have just told Jake and asked him to join me. He’d been asking to come run with me for weeks, and I wanted to see him.

I also desperately needed some perspective. On Cameron. On my mom, who was failing. But mostly on Jake.

My feelings for him were multiplying exponentially. He was so harsh and rough on the edges, but he’d flash his baby blues and I’d see a softer side. He needed to be accepted, and I wanted to do that. How long he would allow it, I wasn’t sure.

I’d already changed clothes at work, so I shoved my stuff in a locker and headed to the stairwells. Campus was quiet. It must have been spring break or something because the hallways were empty.

Happy to have the place to myself, I stuffed my earbuds in and hit PLAY on my phone. Justin Bieber blared in my ears—absolutely, the Biebs was my secret love—and I began climbing, Jake still at the forefront of my mind.

Tension poured from my muscles as the sweat dripped down my back. I went up to the top and ran back down before beginning my ascent all over again. After a couple of rounds, for a second I missed having Drew there. He’d have been a decent distraction from the nerves and bad feelings running through me.