“What the fuck?”

Danny knew his brother like the back of his hand. He knew Neal had probably been one of the first into the burning house and searching for life. Where some of his coworkers’ excelled at caring for the rescued, Neal’s gift was searching out victims. His brother was thorough, and if the knowledge that Neal could have missed someone sliced through Danny, he could only imagine what it must have done to his brother. Blood rushed through his ears, muting the sound of his father’s voice, words he needed to hear but prayed would stop.

“Who’d he take with him?” Firefighters never entered a burning building alone. The answer would tell Danny if Neal had known how bad the situation was before reentering the building.

“Took Tommy Jones with him.”

Tears burned Danny’s eyes as his hands balled into fists. His brother had known. Tommy was one of the best in the battalion; he’d been Neal’s mentor. Neal knew if anything went wrong, Tommy would be there to get the victim to safety.

“Why’d they let him go back in? He’s just a kid,” Danny screamed.

“He’s one of the best, Daniel. Don’t you dare take that away from him. Besides, it was two houses, son, all hands on. Neal and Tommy went in with backup on the ground working their balls off to put out the flames.” Allan’s voice trembled. “Got into a Mayday situation.”

Danny gulped air, trying to swallow around the lump in his esophagus. “How?”

“Tommy and the victim were already out, on the first rung of the ladder…second story. Floor gave out under Neal. Fucking floor gave out, Danny. He never had a chance; my boy never had a chance.”

Warmth seeped from Danny’s closed eyes as the phone dropped from his hand. His baby brother, his comic relief, his closest friend…gone.

“Dad?” Julie’s voice was thick with emotion, but Danny still couldn’t open his eyes. “I’m so sorry… just so, so sorry. We-We’re heading back down. Okay?”

“Jules,” his father croaked, “I don’t know how this happened. Two of my boys…gone. Please drive carefully. I love you both. Take care of my son, please.”

“We love you too.” She sniffled. “Be there by tonight.”

The sharp tone indicated that the answering machine had stopped recording. It also reminded Danny that the entire conversation had been taped, therefore there would be no way to convince himself that it didn’t really happen. Julie kneeled before him, her palms on either side of his face. He knew her hands were always soft and cool, but he couldn’t feel her touch. He saw her lips moving but couldn’t hear her voice. He was numb, cold, dazed.

“…Then I’ll get you and we’ll leave, okay?”

He nodded, not knowing what he’d agreed to and not caring as long as he could stay in the darkness that had taken hold the moment his father told him his brother was gone.

“Be careful, sweetheart. Sit tight.”

If seconds ticked by, then they could have been minutes. If they were minutes, they could have been hours. Time didn’t exist in the black where his mind had traveled. The scales no longer balanced between life and death with his mother and both brothers in heaven and he and his father in hell. How could he make sense of a life where those who saved others perished so young, their existence fading before their lives ever truly began? What made him so fucking special that he still stood when both of his brothers had fallen? He fought in war. He fought in fire. Why? Why?

“Danny, sweetheart? We’re here, baby.” Julie’s warmth penetrated his skin. “We’re back at your dad’s.”

Back in North Carolina? How in the hell? “How…when?”

“We just got here. I got us packed with fresh clothing, made sure you were re-buttoned, then walked you to the truck. Once the house was locked up, I drove us here. That’s how.” Her eyes were bloodshot and filled with tears, but her tone was strong and fearless. “As you like to say, ‘We took vows, baby,’ for better or worse. This is worse, this is indescribable, but I’m here with you, Danny. I’m not gonna let you down, and I’ll never let you go. It’s gonna be horrible, but we’ll get through this together.

His mind spun with awe, with shock, with pain, but also with the inability to form words. He squeezed her hand, brought it to his lips, and gave it a simple kiss. That was all he had left to offer in that moment, so he gave it to her.

“Come on, your dad’s probably waiting on us. Although judging by the car in the drive, I can see he isn’t alone.”

The late-model Mercedes belonged to Anita, his father’s girlfriend. Allan had formally introduced her to Danny and Julie just a few days prior, but they had spoken over the phone over the past few months. Anita was the first woman Danny’s dad had gotten serious with since Danny’s mother died, and Danny was happy his father had moved on with such a kind woman. Seeing her car in the drive made him feel lighter. He couldn’t stand the thought of his dad being alone, not even for a minute.

With Julie’s cool fingers laced through his, they entered his childhood home. How could it be that they had left the house only that morning? After loading their car and having coffee and waffles with his dad, Allan had given them tight embraces and made them promise to call the minute they arrived in Baltimore. He said he’d miss seeing their faces, and Danny joked that Anita was probably waiting around the block for them to leave so she could come over and spend the day making merry since Allan insisted the woman didn’t spend the night while the kids were under his roof.

Smiles. Laughter. Warmth. Things that had stayed in Danny’s mind during the long ride home. But as he walked through the same doors they’d exited no more than fifteen hours prior, the place felt smothered in a dank chill. Shards of broken glass glittered on the tile floor, crunching with each step he and Julie took, announcing their presence without any need for words. The bookcases that Danny, Neal, and their father built just months after Jeff’s death and his mother’s suicide—“much needed father-son time” his dad had called it—were lying face down and splintered. The dry wall where the cases used to stand held fist-sized holes with streaks of crimson.

“Dad?” Danny croaked, having never witnessed a breakdown of such violence.

When word had come of Jeff’s death, his father drank, cried, and mourned. He explained to Danny and Neal that a real man felt his feelings, dealt with them, and continued to live. When his mother took her life, Allan grieved for his first love and helped his sons mourn the loss of their mother and deal with the fact that she had chosen to leave them. But this…Danny wasn’t certain how much more loss his father could take. How much more loss he himself could bear.

“Son. Oh, God, son…you’re here.”

Wrapped in his father’s loving arms, Danny knew he had reserves of strength left. He just needed to tap into them. For his dad, he could do it. Julie squeezed Danny’s hand, and he realized they were still connected. Just as she’d promised, she hadn’t let go. She nodded before releasing his hand.

Embracing his father, Danny whispered, “I’m here, Dad. We’re gonna get through this and continue to live. Cause that’s what real men do, yeah?”

***

“HE WAS ALREADY dead,” Danny snarled at Tommy Jones, the firefighter who had gone back into the townhouse to rescue the last victim the night Neal died.

Julie reached out, attempting to calm Danny, but he brushed her away and jumped out of the chair he’d been sitting in. Tommy had called the Marcus house earlier that morning and requested a visit with Allan and Danny. It had been two days since the fire, two days since they arrived home in Baltimore, made love in the Ranger, and chased each other around their house until her sides hurt from laughter. It felt like months, but it was two damn days.