“Shit, Lovey. I’m sorry. I know you are. You’re smart and talented, and it seems like you have been working hard at this.”

“I have.”

“Anything you need right now?”

Marc.

Damn. Not Marc. “No.”

Duncan eyed her. “I’m kind of pissed at how you treated Marc.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I tried to tell him to stay away from you. I thought I was concerned about you hooking up with him, or one of the other guys. Turns out I should’ve been worried for them. As usual, you just jumped into something without thinking it through and ended up making a big mess of it. What was that all about, Lovey? You thumbing your nose at me because I was being overprotective?”

“No!” She stared at him, wide-eyed. “No way.” She shook her head. “I wasn’t using him. I was attracted to him. He was attracted to me. It was…hot. We wanted each other. It was a little complicated when one time turned into more…we were trying to hide it from you. I would’ve told you, but I knew Marc was worried that you’d be pissed at him, he didn’t want to wreck your relationship.” She bit her lip. “Are you two okay?”

“Yeah. We’re good.”

“I know he felt terrible about it because of your stupid guy rules or whatever. He’d told you he wouldn’t touch me and then he did and I know he felt guilty. I never wanted to ruin your friendship with him.”

“Why’d you break up with him if you weren’t just using him to piss me off?”

She sighed. She moved over to her bed, the only piece of furniture you could sit on, and sat. “Look. I heard you two talking the other night. After you walked in on us. I heard him telling you that he was serious about me. It was never supposed to be like that.” She waved her hands in front of her like a ref waving off a goal.

“So you were just screwing around with him and having fun.”

She swallowed, her throat thick, and nodded.

“Did you hear him say he’s in love with you?”

She gaped at him. Marc was in love with her?

“He thought you felt the same way.”

Whoa. “No,” she said slowly.

“Lovey. You broke his heart.”

She drew back, her chin jerking down. “What?”

“You hurt him. Cutting him out like that. He’s in love with you and you just…cut him.”

She blinked rapidly, her chest aching, her throat tightening. She’d figured it was better to end it now, before things got as serious as the L word. But…Marc loved her? “I-I…”

“He thought you felt the same. But hey…if you don’t, you don’t. You can’t make yourself love someone if you don’t.” Duncan rolled his eyes. “You do need to grow up. Too bad a good guy had to be decimated.”

“That’s not fair.” Her hand went to her aching throat.

He shrugged. “Think about it. I gotta go. Some of the guys are going out for wings.”

She watched him leave, her bottom lip quivering. There’d been a time when they would’ve invited her for wings. She’d had fun hanging out with Duncan and Marc and the guys. But she’d totally messed that up.

“Duncan?”

He stopped at the door. “Yeah?”

“You said…that night…‘what Lovey wants, Lovey gets.’ D’you really think I’m that spoiled?”

His lips compressed. “I don’t know.”

She frowned. She’d hoped he’d deny it.

“You always got whatever you wanted growing up,” he continued slowly. “Mom and Dad gave you stuff they never gave me.”

She fought back the reflexive impulse to get defensive. It was true. “Yeah,” she agreed quietly. “But you know why, don’t you?”

He shrugged. “Because you wanted it.”

She shook her head slowly. “No. That wasn’t it, Dunc. I never asked for stuff. I mean, sometimes I did, but I wasn’t some spoiled kid who had a tantrum whenever she didn’t get what she wanted. They bent over backwards to make me happy because their lives were so wrapped up with giving you what you needed. Because you were the mega-talented hockey star who was destined to make it big in the NHL. They spent all their time driving you around to games and practices and tournaments, making sure you got everything you needed.”

He opened his mouth but she held up a hand.

“It was fine,” she said softly. “I never resented it. Well, maybe a little, sometimes. But I was proud of you too. I wanted you to succeed. I just wished I had something that great. Something I was that good at too.” One corner of her mouth kicked up.

He stared at her. “Fuck,” he muttered. “I never…Lovey. You do have something that great.”

She shook her head, smiling. “No, I don’t. But I have found what I want to do with my life, and I hoped you would support that and be happy for me.”

“Shit. I’m an idiot. I am happy for you. But…what I meant was, you have something special that I don’t have. You have this amazing…brightness. Personality. A love for life and a way of making people feel good…I don’t know anybody else who has that like you do.”

“Oh.” She blinked. “Thank you.”

He gave a terse nod and met her eyes. He tipped his head to one side and rubbed his jaw. “Is that why relationships never last for you?”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Do you think you’re not good enough for anyone? Because you don’t have anything special?” He stared at her, eyes intense. “If that’s what’s stopping you from being with Marc…you better think again, Lovey.” He shook his head, then said good night and left.

She sat alone in her little apartment. Her bed and dresser and nightstand were her only furniture. Her clothes hung in the closet and she’d unpacked her toiletries and the few towels and linens she had, placing them in the bathroom. She still had to unpack her cookware and dishes. The apartment came with a microwave, so she’d eaten a frozen dinner last night with a plastic fork, and that morning drank her store-bought smoothie that tasted like crap.

But it wasn’t the emptiness that bothered her the most. It was the loneliness.

That was stupid. She’d lived alone in Madison for a few years after college. In Madison she’d had a busy social life. Here, she was starting to make friends. She’d gone to her yoga class that morning, chatted with Michele, who she’d met there and had lunch with that one day.

She was just used to two big, active guys being around all the time. Except they hadn’t been around all the time. They were busy, and they’d been gone lots of days and nights on road trips. So she didn’t understand why she felt so lonely.

She just needed to keep herself busy.

She thought about calling Jillian to see if she wanted to go out. But she had no idea where. It was Sunday night. She wasn’t even hungry, so suggesting dinner seemed stupid. A movie? Maybe.

But she was also afraid Jillian would figure out something was wrong and Lovey would be tempted to spill everything that had happened, and she felt…ashamed. She didn’t really want any more people to know how badly she’d screwed up. Luckily Duncan seemed to have forgiven her. And seemed to have forgiven Marc. She’d been terrified after blowing up and actually fighting with Marc that Duncan would be so angry he’d ask Marc to move out. If she’d wrecked their relationship, she would never have forgiven herself.

She tossed a package of popcorn into her microwave and waited while it popped. Dinner.

Weirdly, Duncan didn’t seem mad at Marc. He seemed…sorry for him. Oh yeah, because his heart was broken. Duncan was mad at her for that.

She felt a sharp stabbing pain in her own heart. She shook it off.

She sat on her bed, back against the wall, the bag of popcorn on her lap, music playing from her iPod through speakers.

She couldn’t stop the thoughts that tumbled through her head, random and disjointed. She couldn’t figure out the feelings that swirled through her, the ache of longing in her chest, the pinch of regret, the heavy sadness.

Her heart hurt so badly. She hurt for Marc. Because she cared about him. And she hurt for herself, because she missed him. She wanted to be with him.