“It’s too damn cold,” I remind her. God, can’t she just let this go?

“So? It’s winter, it’s supposed to be cold.” Kelli claps her hands together rapidly, the sound annoying in the otherwise quiet of the house. “Get up, sleepyhead. You can’t mope around in bed all day.”

I have been for the last couple of days and everyone’s left me alone. So why is Kelli so hell bent on getting me out of bed now? “Do you have something planned up your sleeve? Because if you do, I’m so over your trickery it’s not even funny. You can try that shit on someone else.”

“Oh yea of little faith. There’s no trickery or shady business linked to this request. I just want you to get out of bed and take a shower. Maybe do your hair. Get dressed and go out with me to Starbucks. I’m lonely and craving a gingerbread latte.” She pauses, her expression going solemn. “Besides, I miss you.”

I roll over on my side, talking to the wall. “Aren’t you supposed to be at home for the holidays?”

“I’m staying a few extra days just for you, grump.” She claps her hands again and I send her a murderous glare from over my shoulder. “Get in the shower and let’s go get coffee and a muffin.”

My stomach rebels against the coffee and muffin suggestion. “That sounds gross.”

“God, maybe you are sick,” she mutters under her breath as she bustles around my bedroom, examining all the clothes and various crap strewn about. With my luck she’ll rifle through my stuff and find the most incriminating thing possible, like my vibrator or my sexy underwear drawer.

“I’m not sick,” I mutter as I crawl out of bed. I did call in sick yesterday at work, which I still feel bad about but no way would I have been capable of dealing with customers when I was such an emotional wreck. I’m scheduled for tomorrow and I’m definitely going in. I can’t hide away from the world forever.

No matter how badly I want to.

I go join Kelli at my dresser, pulling out a few things to bring with me to the bathroom so I can take a shower as she suggested. She won’t let it go so I may as well give in. “Heartbroken, yes,” I tell her. “But sick? No.”

“Fuck that guy, I’m going to kill him the next time I see him, I swear to God,” Kelli says, sounding downright thirsty for blood. Just like Steven acts when he plays Call of Duty. “Who does he think he is, treating you like such shit, when what happened wasn’t even your fault?”

“He’s allowed to think what he wants.” I shrug. “He needed someone to take his rage out on and I was it.” And I did keep something from him. I can’t blame him for being angry over that.

“He’s a bastard,” Kelli says vehemently. She knew him first yet she’s rushing to defend me. I love her for that. “I want to break his ugly face for what he’s done to you.”

I sigh. “He’s not ugly.” Far from it. He’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen—both inside and out. He’s not perfect and he says stupid shit sometimes, but his heart is in the right place. At least, I thought it was.

Now I’m not so sure.

“He’s ugly to me. The asshole,” she mutters. “He hurts you, it’s like he’s hurt me, too.”

“I’ll get over it.” Her words touch me and I try not to fall apart and cry. She’s so sweet to take my side, even when I’m not one hundred percent in the right.

“There shouldn’t be anything you have to get over—you did. Nothing. Wrong.” Kelli slaps the top of my dresser, making the whole thing shake. Ikea may make decent furniture but it’s not that strong.

“See, that’s the thing. I did do something wrong. I didn’t tell him about my past, and to him, that was a lie,” I point out. “Plus, my dad had an affair with his mom.” I still can hardly wrap my head around it. Does Mom know? How many affairs did my father have? Was this the only one or were there others?

I’m guessing there were others but I don’t know. And I refuse to talk to him just to ask. Our communication has dropped off completely. It’s like they forgot all about me. What’s worse? I’m used to it.

Used to their shitty behavior.

So why does it hurt so much more when Tristan’s the one who’s being shitty?

It’s been three days since the Marc incident. I haven’t heard from Tristan since. No text, no call, no casual drop by the house, nothing. No one else has heard from him either. He went back home early for the holidays and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Guess that’s the end of us. Typical, that he can’t officially break up with me. But how do you break up a so-called relationship that wasn’t defined in the first place?

“That he would run away like a little boy and not even talk to you about everything is infuriating. And telling. He’s not ready for this kind of commitment.” Kelli makes a little growling noise and waves her hands at me in a shooing motion. “Get in the shower. Maybe we need to go find a bar. Soak our angry feelings in alcohol.”

I laugh and so does she but in an instant, my laughter turns to tears. And then she’s pulling me into her arms, whispering words of comfort as she holds me close. Repeating again and again that he’s not worth it—which just so happens to be Tristan’s favorite thing to say to me.

Just thinking of him saying those words only makes me cry harder.

“I don’t want to leave you here alone for Christmas,” she says when I finally compose myself and disentangle myself from her embrace.

I offer her a watery smile. “Conrad’s staying. And Steven invited us over to his parents for Christmas dinner, so I’ll be fine.” Steven has turned out to be a good friend.

The wistful expression on Kelli’s face is clear. “I’m jealous. I wish I was spending Christmas with my boyfriend.”

“I’ll fight off any and all girls who try to make a play for him,” I say solemnly.

She shakes her head. “What, his cousins at the family dinner? If he likes that sort of thing, then they can have him.”

“He likes you,” I tell her. I’m the envious one. Steven is solid. Not afraid of relationships. They’ve wasted no time. Kelli is his girlfriend and he has no qualms calling her that either.

“He really does,” she says softly. “I thought Tristan liked you too.”

“I think he did. But at the first sign of real trouble he cuts and runs. I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did.” Now I’m the one who sounds bitter, but I can’t help it.

If he’d stuck around, if he’d actually listened to me, then maybe I would’ve gotten through to him. But he threw up those walls. Pulled on that mask he’s so adept at wearing. Withdrew into himself and sent me on my way.

Clearly, he’s done. That he can turn it off that fast hurts. Before Marc interrupted us, he was being so sweet and fun. Spinning me out on the dance floor, the heated look in his eyes just for me. I’d felt connected to him, confident in our growing relationship. That he could let me go so easily…

“I’m taking a shower,” I tell Kelli as I gather up my clothes and start for the door. “Give me thirty minutes. Then let’s get out of here.”

Kelli raises a brow. “Starbucks or a bar?”

“A bar,” I tell her, feeling like a lush but I don’t care. I need a stiff drink. “It’s five o’clock somewhere right?”

“Where the hell are you, man?”

Gabe sounds like he’s far away, which he is. “Colorado. Vail.” I’m standing by my bedroom window, looking outside. My parents have a cabin here. Once I moved out, this is how they spend their Christmases now. It’s snowing like crazy and colder than fuck. But the shops in town are lit up like a Christmas village come to life and my mom calls their ten thousand square foot cabin “cozy”.

Whatever.

“You didn’t tell anyone where you were going.” His tone is accusatory and I feel bad. “You just picked up and left without a trace.”