They were both corrupting my mind. I knew I needed to keep all my concentration on school if I wanted to keep my scholarships.

I packed my backpack with great care, mostly stalling, while Sabrina fixed up her make up in the mirror. She, as usual, looked perfect while I still felt like a child playing dress up. I knew I would get used to wearing my new clothes sooner or later. Somehow they attracted Nash and Turner and I didn’t need to attract any more guys.

“What’s wrong?” Sabrina suddenly asked. “You look sick.”

“No I’m fine,” I said but frowned.

“Right, because you look so fine. You look amazing actually.”

Sarcasm dripped from her words as she turned to me. She stuck her make up in her pocket and went to her own bag.

“Why have you been cock blocking Turner?” I nearly choked on the gum that I was chewing.

“Excuse me?” I asked, stunned. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re cock blocking him,” Sabrina accused. “You went on the one date with him, got sick, and now you’re not talking to him. Are you embarrassed or something?”

“Embarrassed of what? What should I be embarrassed about?”

“I don’t know, the fact that you got sick or the fact that you can’t hold your liquor. You could be upset about anything…”

“I’m not embarrassed or upset.”

“Then what is it? Why aren’t you returning his calls or anything?”

“Maybe I don’t want to give him false hope,” I told her. “Maybe I’m just not into him like that and I’m trying to let him down but he’s just not getting it. Maybe I just need to concentrate on school.”

“No that’s not it. You’re attracted to Turner, I can tell, but something is holding you back. What is it? Are you ashamed of being a virgin?”

“Yeah,” I said, finding my way out. “He’s probably been with a ton of girls.”

I prayed that it would be the end of the conversation. I was hoping that, since Sabrina got answers she obviously needed, she would drop the subject.

No such luck.

“Well then obviously you don’t know guys very well.”

Sabrina walked over to me, her skirt swishing against her waist and thighs.

“Guys love to be a girl’s first. It makes them feel more important or something. You tell Turner you’re a virgin and he’ll cum in his pants before he even sees you naked.”

I had a feeling that Sabrina was being a little eccentric but I didn’t want to ask.

“Seriously, Lily, tell Turner you’re a virgin and you will have him wrapped around your finger in no time.”

“Jesus Sabrina. That will be my decision. Please don’t go gossiping to Turner about what I told you. I don’t want him to know anything unless I decide to tell him, okay?”

Sabrina ran her fingers over her lips in a zippered motion.

“You’re secret is safe with me,” Sabrina said.

Yeah but for how long?

I didn’t want to imagine what would happen if Sabrina told Turner what I told her. Not only was it too personal for anyone else to know, it was also a lie. But I didn’t want anyone to know how I lost mine.

“I have to go or I’m going to be late,” I said and I zipped my backpack up. “See you tonight.”

“See ya,” Sabrina called out as I left the room, closing the door behind me.

“Hey.”

I jumped and turned to my left only to see Turner staring at me. His hair was wet and his eyes were shining.

“Damn Turner, you scared the shit out of me,” I said.

Dear God I hoped he didn’t hear our conversation.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you. I thought I would walk you to class.”

“Why didn’t you knock?” I asked.

“I just got here,” Turner said. “I was about to knock when I noticed the door opening.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. If Turner truly did just get to the door then there was no way that he could have heard anything.

“Sorry for scaring you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “But I didn’t expect you here.”

“I know,” Turner said, “But you’ve been so busy lately that I figured that this was the only way that I could see you.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. Getting ready for classes and all.”

The two of us stepped into the elevator and rode it down in silence. When the door opened I gasped. Standing in front of us was Nash. He was talking to a girl and they were laughing animatedly. My stomach knotted in jealousy… A walk back to the dorms with him and this was happening to me.

I’m not going to be jealous.

I’m not going to be jealous.

I’m not going to be jealous.

Who was the girl and why was he laughing with her? Was he involved with her? No strings, no problems, I reminded myself. I wasn’t looking for a relationship. It doesn’t matter who she is or what they’re doing together.

I was jealous.

Suddenly Nash turned and our eyes met. I could hear Turner yammering on about something next to me but the words were muffled and incoherent. My gaze went into tunnel vision as Nash and I stared at each other.

“Hey, you’re Lily, right?” Nash said finally.

I furrowed my eyebrows but Nash winked secretly.

“Yeah that’s Lily,” Turner said for me. “What’s it to you?”

“It’s nothing,” Nash said smoothly. “I just remember her being with you the other night and I wanted to say hi.”

“Well you did and now you can leave,” Turner hissed.

I rolled my eyes at Turner’s anger. The other girl looked at me and I shrugged, feigning ignorance when it came to the two boys.

“Come on, Lily, let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”

“What class do you have?” Nash asked.

He stepped in front of me, blocking me from moving on with Turner.

“Introduction to Psychology. We both have it, Turner and I.”

“What a coincidence, I have it too,” Nash said and my jaw dropped.

He had to be kidding me.

“I was walking Anna over there back to the dorms and I was going to go. I guess I’ll see you there.”

“I guess so,” I muttered.

Nash stepped out of the way and let me pass which I did quickly. When Turner and I finally made it through the doors Turner growled.

“I hate that son of a bitch,” he said. “He’s so cocky and sure of himself. Did you see how he was trying to hit on you? He thinks he can have any girl he wants!”

“He’s probably not really like that,” I found myself saying. “I know you have issues with him because of your sister but I don’t think he’s some kind of Casanova. Maybe he really did care for your sister.”

“Like hell he did,” Turner muttered. “He used her just like he uses every other girl. She was a notch on his belt and that’s it.”

Turner looked at me.

“Why are you defending him? You don’t know him and you don’t know his past.”

I didn’t know why I was defending him. For all I knew Nash could have been lying.

“I just think that whatever happened in high school should stay in high school,” I finally said. “We’re in college. Don’t you want to shake off all the anger and resentment and enjoy college? Or would you rather spend the next four years cursing Nash like you have been?”

“He's a sophomore so it's only a couple of more years. But I hate him. I hate him and I want to strangle him until the life drips from his body. He hurt my sister and my family. We treated him like another son and brother. He repays us by fucking my sister. How can I get over that?”

“Maybe he loved her,” I said and closed my eyes.

Those words should have never left my mouth.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, tell me what you said.”

Turner grabbed my arms and turned me to him. We were face to face.

“What did you say?”

“Maybe he loved her,” I repeated. “Maybe he truly loved her and never got a chance to explain that to you.”

“Are you saying that I overreacted? That I have no right to be angry?”

“I’m not saying any of that!”

I was falling quickly off the ledge.

“I’m just saying that there might be some things you don’t know or understand. Things that, maybe, you didn’t think of back then. It’s possible, isn’t it?”