When she’d paused, Felicity had looked at her kindly and said, “You’re Isabel Delvaux, aren’t you?”
Yes.
Such a relief! She changed her name because she’d felt attacked by the attention of others. Some wanted to smother her in commiseration, watching her face with sick fascination, when the last thing she needed was to be reminded of her loss. And others wanted her to get “past it” and come out and play.
For some reason, all her friends simply disappeared. Gone, into thin air. Maybe because they didn’t know how to deal with her losing her entire family, being wounded, whatever. The fact was, no friends came around. So her only human communication was with people who wanted to feed off her grief or get bragging rights because they’d talked to the notorious Isabel Delvaux.
Going away and changing her name had been her only recourse.
But Felicity had been so friendly, face so open and candid, that she couldn’t take offense.
And they’d talked. And talked. And talked.
“You know,” Felicity had said thoughtfully, “you’re lucky to have a neighbor like Joe. Joe is a real good guy.”
“I know,” she’d answered. That he was a good guy was apparent from the moment they met. He’d done nothing but help her. But Isabel would die before she admitted that she also found him wildly attractive.
“Of course,” Felicity added, watching her carefully, “the fact that he’s hot doesn’t hurt.”
And Isabel had turned bright beet red, the curse of the fair-skinned.
Felicity’d laughed and changed the subject.
They never spoke of the Massacre. Somehow, in some unspoken way, Isabel got it that Felicity had known tragedy in her life, too.
It wasn’t until Felicity stood up and put on her coat to go back to Joe’s that the kicker came.
“You might know that Joe hosts poker games,” she said casually.
“I know. I can hear them. Sounds like fun.” She’d tried to keep a wistful note from entering her voice.
“It is fun. Though I don’t know what the guys see in it, really, because Joe always wins.”
Isabel’s eyes widened. “He does?”
Felicity’s grin was wicked. “Oh yeah. He’s a demon poker player. Card shark, in fact. What fun is it when he takes all your money? So anyway, I was thinking that if the guys are having so much fun losing money to Joe, maybe we could get together, too. There’s me and there’s Jacko’s girlfriend, Lauren. She’s really nice and a lot of fun. Why don’t we get together?”
A girls’ night out! For a second, a flash of a moment, Isabel was back in her old life, where a girls’ night out was a frequent treat. Felicity was watching her out of her pretty, light blue eyes and all Isabel could see was intelligence and friendliness.
“I’d love it,” she blurted out. And then, before she could stop herself, “Why don’t you and Lauren come over here while the men are losing money to Joe in his house?”
“Well...” Felicity’s eyes narrowed as a crafty look crept over her face. “Will you cook?”
And Isabel laughed. “Oh yeah. I’ll cook. As a matter of fact...” She went into the kitchen and passed Felicity a big pan covered in tinfoil. Felicity peeked under the tinfoil, widened her eyes and sniffed in delight.
“Oh man. Smells delicious.”
Isabel wagged her finger in a fake scolding tone. “Remember. That’s for Joe. Tell him to put it uncovered in an oven that’s been preheated to 375 degrees and to bake it for about forty minutes if it’s for tomorrow night. Otherwise tell him to put it in the freezer.”
“Joe is very lucky I like him,” Felicity said. “Because I’m really tempted to steal this. So, see you tomorrow night?”
“Absolutely. Don’t bother bringing anything, I’ll take care of the food.”
“Deal. I’m a lousy cook anyway. Metal takes care of that in our household. But I’ll bring some wine.”
“Deal,” Isabel said. Felicity had held out her hand, shook hers firmly and disappeared into the night.
So.
Tomorrow night Isabel was going to have guests. Felicity, who was definitely friendly and not inquisitive. And this Lauren, who was her friend. So presumably she’d be relaxed and friendly and not inquisitive.
The invitation had come out of nowhere but it felt really right. It was her isolation these past months that felt wrong. It wasn’t her. She’d always been social, enjoyed company. Only now that the clouds had parted just a little did Isabel realize the price all this isolation had exacted. She felt like she’d lost her soul along with her family.
The thing was, her family had died but she hadn’t.
For the very first time since the Massacre, Isabel felt almost...normal.
Portland had been a good pick. She’d been right to relocate. She was anonymous here. And even if someone found out her real identity, like Felicity, maybe they wouldn’t care. Washington had been full of memories, jaggedly painful ones. The Delvaux family name had become a burden, not a point of pride.
Here was a good place to start over.
Starting over.
Her deep melancholy was so wrong. It dishonored her family. They’d loved life so much. Her parents would be saddened to know she was willing to throw her life away.
And...life was good, after all.
Maybe.
Portland was pretty and friendly. She was enjoying cooking again, just a little. Not as much as before but maybe that passion could come back. Maybe. Felicity was nice. It was entirely possible that Lauren was nice, too.
And Joe was...well. Whew.
Up until now she’d ruled out an affair with him. She had a steady stock of excuses. She wasn’t ready. He was a neighbor. What happened if the affair went sour and she had to see him every day? Better to keep things on a friendly neighbor basis.
The truth? She was scared out of her wits. She was frightened to death that she no longer had anything in her to give. That he would find her cold and dried out because that was exactly the way she felt.
But suppose...suppose that wasn’t true? Suppose she had some spark of womanhood and juice left inside her? That she wasn’t completely dried up?
Joe as a lover...she shivered. Wow.
He’d kept his physical distance, had always been a perfect gentleman, but every once in a while she’d seen something in his dark eyes. She hadn’t been ready for that but now, maybe. Who knew?
Perhaps a new lover, certainly new friends. Maybe she could piece together a semblance of her old career, though she had to think about the spotlight. Her mind skittered away from that.
Time enough for that later, if she wanted it. For the moment she was happy to cook for Joe, and now for his friends. And the future, well. That would come soon enough.
As she cleaned up after making the baked ziti, Isabel looked deep inside herself. She liked cleaning up, she liked creating order where before there had been the mess of cooking. She liked every aspect of it.
But now there was another element creeping its way back into her life. Hope. It felt so faint, so delicate. Like tendrils of smoke. It was hard to take it out and look at it, it was so incredibly fragile.
Hope that maybe she was coming back to life. That life could hold pleasure again. Guests, tomorrow night. Seeing Joe again. Maybe going over to watch a hand of poker, see how he won all the time. SEALs were known for being tough and laconic, right? It must take someone really tough to bluff them.
She smiled at the thought and a second later realized—she’d smiled!
Isabel stood in the middle of her kitchen, holding a washcloth, frozen in place. She hadn’t spontaneously smiled since—since then.
Since the Massacre, she thought. Say it to yourself.
And she did. She hadn’t really smiled since the Massacre. Thinking the word massacre had been like a sharp punch to the heart, every single time.
The punch was less sharp. She rolled that idea around in her mind. The Massacre was horrible, tragic, she had lost her entire family. But, they were gone. No tears, no despair would ever bring them back. If tears and despair and heartbreak could bring people back, her family would be here with her.