“I made you some coffee.” Jane handed Joe the mug and sat on the porch step beside him.
“Thanks.” He set the coffee down on the step.
“Do you think we have a chance of getting Eve to eat something?” He shook his head.
She didn’t look at him. “I eavesdropped, you know. I had to know why she was hurting.”
“Me.”
“Yeah. You shouldn’t have done it, Joe.”
He didn’t answer.
“Unless you were sure you wouldn’t get caught.”
He looked at her.
“I was sitting out by the lake with Toby, thinking that maybe I would have done the same thing if I hadn’t been scared of her finding out. She’s been really happy since we brought Bonnie home. I mean… that other little girl. So is it better for her to be happy or to be sad?” She shook her head. “I don’t know…” He should have known that Jane wouldn’t see everything in black or white. She had been in and out of foster homes since she was a baby and had seen too much in her short life. “Let me clarify. It was a wrong thing to do for a right reason.”
“You told her you’d do it again.”
“I probably would.” His lips twisted. “And that wasn’t a lie.”
“Well, be smarter about it next time.”
“There may not be a next time. I may not get the chance to be close enough to her to—” He rubbed his aching temple. “And I thought I was being smart, or at least careful. I bribed the supervisor who ran the test very well to lose that result sheet.”
“But he sent it to Eve. Did you make him mad?”
Joe shook his head. “And he didn’t even try to hit me up for more money.”
“What would you have done if he had?”
“Scared the hell out of him. Capel was money-hungry, but not stupid.” He sat up straighter. “I shouldn’t be talking like this to you. The welfare people would whisk you away from us in a heartbeat if they could hear me.”
“I wouldn’t go.” She leaned against his shoulder. “Screw them all.”
“And that comment would be another mark against me.” He put his arm around her. “I want to make sure of something, Jane. Don’t ever take my side against Eve.
I’m wrong and she’s right. Do you understand?“
“Sure.”
“Then hadn’t you better go in and talk to Eve?”
She shook her head. “She won’t want me. Not when it’s about Bonnie. She’s never been sure how I… She’d worry about not hurting my feelings, and she’s hurting enough herself right now.”
He closed his eyes. “God, you’ve got that right.” He had felt her pain as if it were his own. It was his own.
She took his hand. “So maybe I’ll just stay out here with you for awhile. Okay?” His hand tightened around Jane’s. “Okay.”
Eve was still awake when Joe came into the bedroom a few hours later.
He knelt beside the bed. “Don’t stiffen up. I won’t stay long. I won’t even touch you.” He was silent a moment. “I just want you to remember a couple things while you’re thinking what a bastard I am.”
“You’re not a bastard.”
“I want you to remember what we have together. I want you to remember what we are to each other.” He paused. “And sometime it’s going to occur to you that I lied because I wanted Bonnie out of our lives. It’s not true. If I’d thought you could heal and live a halfway normal life, I’d have kept searching for her till the day we died. But it’s still an open wound for you.” Eve could see his hand clench in the half darkness. “And it hurts me. I wish I’d known her. I wish she’d been our daughter.
Then maybe you’d forgive me for doing this. Because I would have done the same thing if Bonnie had been mine. Do you believe me?“
“I believe… you believe it.”
Joe bent and rested his forehead on the bed only an inch from her hand, but not touching her. “I guess that’s all I can ask right now. The ball’s in your court, Eve.” He got to his feet and moved toward the door. “I’ll see you in the morning. Try to sleep.” Not likely. Every word he’d spoken had been like little knives, tearing her apart.
He was tearing her apart. She was so full of anger and a bitter sense of betrayal, and yet she had wanted desperately to reach out and comfort him. It seemed impossible that those conflicting emotions could exist side by side.
How could she stand this?
Jesus, she wished she could cry.
Jane knocked, then opened the door. “Hi, do you want me to fix some breakfast?” Her gaze went to the suitcase on the bed. “Uh-oh.”
“It’s after eight. You’ve missed the school bus.”
“Joe said it was okay if I stayed home today. He told me to take care of you.” She came into the room. “Where are you going?”
“I’m glad you didn’t go.” Eve put a smock and pair of jeans into the suitcase. “I thought we’d go and spend a week or two with my mother. Why don’t you go pack a bag?”
“Can I take Toby?”
“Of course. Mom loves that silly mutt.” She threw tennis shoes and socks into the bag. “We’ll do all kinds of neat things. Maybe go to the zoo to see the new pandas.
What do you think about that?”
Jane didn’t answer; Eve glanced at her inquiringly.
Jane moistened her lips. “I know what Joe did. I listened last night. He feels real bad about it, Eve.”
“I know.” Eve went to the bathroom and brought back her toothbrush and an armful of toiletries. “I know he does, Jane.”
“Are you going to come back?”
“I don’t know right now. I can’t seem to think. I have to put some space and time between us. It was a… terrible thing he did, Jane.” She closed the suitcase. “I know you love Joe, but I can’t look at him every day without—” She swallowed hard.
“Why don’t you go get packed?”
Jane slowly shook her head. “I’m going to stay here.”
“What?”
She crossed the room and put her arms around Eve. “You said you needed to think. I’d only get in the way. If I were you, I’d want to just hide my head under a blanket and not see anyone or anything.” She stepped back. “And besides, Joe needs me. He needs me a lot.”
“And you think I don’t?”
“Not now. Maybe later.” Jane smiled. “It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you or don’t love you. You know that?”
“I know that.”
“Good.” Jane turned away. “I’ll fix you some breakfast before you leave. Bacon and eggs?”
“Fine.” Eve’s gaze followed Jane as she left the room. Jesus, the girl’s instincts were on target. Eve had felt guilty for wanting to run away and isolate herself from Joe and everything that reminded her of him. She had responsibilities, and Jane was one of them. But it seemed Jane had made her mind up, and Eve wasn’t included in that decision.
She was on her way to the closet to get another armful of clothes when the phone rang.
“Ms. Duncan, I’m sorry to trouble you,” Melton said when she picked up the phone. “But I felt bound to try one more time, since the task is so extremely urgent. I wonder if you’d reconsider your decision…”
“You won’t change your mind?” Joe asked. “I don’t like the idea of you traipsing off somewhere without my knowing more—” He stopped as he saw Eve’s expression. “Okay, it’s none of my business.” He frowned. “The hell it’s not. You’ll always be my business.”
Eve ignored the last remark. “Take care of Jane. I’ve told her I’ll call her every three days and touch base.” She picked Up her suitcase. “I’ve called Mom and asked her to take Jane whenever you’re working.”
“Very efficient.”
“I’m trying to be.” She met his eyes. “It’s not easy right now, and concentrating on this job will help.”
“You won’t phone me?”
“Probably not. That would defeat the purpose.” She moved toward the door.
“Good-bye, Joe.”
He watched her get into the car and drive down the road.
He felt hollow and lonely… and scared.
“Shit.” He turned, got out his phone, and dialed. “She’s gone,” he said when Logan picked up. “What did you find out about Melton?”
“Nothing really bad. Politically savvy. Elected to the Senate two years ago from Louisiana and done a fairly good job. He has friends in high places and may be up for the presidential nomination in a few years.“