“Pretty messed up.”

“Nothing’s been the same since he took Stevie from us. Nothing.”

“I know it’s been hard.”

“No. Life is hard. This is something else entirely. This is hell. That … creature, he took all the love from our lives, he robbed us of whatever happiness we could have had.”

“Where’s your wife?”

He finally looked back to her. “We didn’t make it very long, not after … She had such a good heart.”

Kendra nodded. “I met Sheila right after I joined the case. She was a strong woman.”

“Stronger than me. She ended up leaving town and living with her sister in Mississippi for a while. She couldn’t stand it here anymore. Now I think she’s just moving around a lot. It’s hard for her to settle anywhere.” His tears welled over. “You know, before they found what was left of Stevie, the cops actually thought I might have had something to do with it. I was going out of my mind with worry, and I had to deal with that shit.”

“The police had to look at every angle,” Lynch said quietly. “They were just doing their job.”

“I know that. But then Sheila even started doubting me for a while. I never got over that.”

“You were both under an incredible amount of stress.”

“You think?” he said sarcastically.

She leaned forward. “Norman … Why did you visit Eric Colby?”

He shrugged. “Would you believe I just wanted to see him for myself and try to understand how that kind of evil could exist in the world?”

“No. I wouldn’t believe that.”

Wallach smiled. “Smart woman.”

“So tell me.”

“I went to see Eric Colby … so I could kill him.”

She nodded.

Wallach stood up and walked over to the window. He stared out through the opening left by a missing vertical blind. “For years, I thought it would be enough to see him executed. But after his date was set, I knew it wasn’t enough. I wanted to do it myself, and I wanted it to be painful.”

“This whole point of yours, masquerading as that writer, that’s what this was all about?” Lynch asked.

“I knew they’d never let me near Colby, so I had to come up with another way. I found this true-crime writer who I thought had done enough to interest him, yet wasn’t so famous that there would be pictures on the Web, just in case someone at the prison wanted to check me out. I got some good fake IDs and gave it a shot. There’s a whole application process. I was sure I’d get tripped up somewhere along the way, but it never happened. I got in to see him three times.”

“How did you think you were going to do it?” Lynch asked. “There’s no way you could have gotten a weapon in there.”

“But I did. Three times.”

“How?”

Wallach reached down to the windowsill, picked up a thin white blade about six inches long. He displayed it to them. “It’s made of carved animal bone.”

Lynch’s gaze narrowed on the thin blade. “Very deadly. But I know from personal experience that the guards pat you down extremely, even obscenely, thoroughly.”

“Yes, they do.” Wallach used the tip of the blade to fold back an almost imperceptible flap of skin on the underside of his upper left arm. He pushed the blade until it entirely disappeared beneath his skin.

Kendra’s eyes widened. “How in the hell…?”

“It’s a skin pocket. I cut and cauterized it myself.” He showed her his scarred right arm. “I tried doing it on this one first, but I made a mess of it. It got infected, and I was afraid I was going to lose my arm for a while. But that didn’t stop me from trying it on the other one. This time it worked. Unfortunately, I probably won’t ever be able to completely straighten my arms.”

“So you got it inside the prison,” Lynch said. “What good did it do you? You never used it on Colby.”

“I practiced my move for weeks. I knew I was only going to have one chance before the guards jumped me. One jab straight to the heart, maybe a second or third if I could work ’em in.” He swallowed. “But each time, I lost my nerve. He looked at me with those ugly eyes, and I’d cave. I was a coward. Sheila was right to leave me. Toward the end, I was afraid he’d get suspicious and not let me come back anymore. He asked me to talk to that TV crew, and I did it just so that he’d let me come back. I figured by the time anybody found out I wasn’t that crime-writer guy, it’d be over.” Wallach used his thumb and forefinger to slide out the blade from the cauterized slot in his arm. “And each time I lost my nerve, I was so disgusted with myself that I decided to come home and stab myself in the heart with this.” His mouth twisted with disgust. “But I didn’t have the nerve for that either.”

“Nerve has nothing to do with it,” Kendra said. “Deep down, you don’t want to die. And you know Eric Colby isn’t worth rotting for the rest of your life in prison. I know your son wouldn’t have wanted that.”

Wallach wiped the tears from his face. “I’m just hanging on for tonight. It’s going to happen, isn’t it? After all this time they’re going to kill the bastard. It’ll be such a relief to see that shit stain wiped from the face of the earth.”

“Yes, it will.”

Wallach was silent, then asked, “May I ask you a question?”

She nodded.

“Why didn’t you kill him when you got the chance? Then it would have all been over a long time ago.”

She flinched.

Lynch immediately stepped in, “That’s not fair, Wallach.”

“Yes, it is,” Kendra said. “No one has a better right to ask.” She stared Wallach in the eye. “I’ve asked myself the same question. I was tempted and resisted the temptation. I thought I was being virtuous and doing the right thing. I didn’t realize that the lingering ramifications of not doing it would be this terrible. Not only for you, but for others.” She reached out and grasped his arm. “I’m sorry that you went through all this. I hope God brings you peace after tonight.”

“I do, too.” He looked down at her hand on his arm. “I hope we all have peace.” He glanced at Lynch. “He was right. I don’t have any right to blame you. You’re the one who caught the bastard. I’ve just been thinking it would have been so much easier for Sheila and me not to have had to go through that court case or the rest of it.”

“Yes,” she said unevenly. “I can see how you would think that. But we have to look forward now. After Colby is dead, it’s not the end for you. As I said, your Stevie wouldn’t have wanted that. What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

She glanced at Lynch, then back at Wallach. “Look, Norman. Let us take you someplace where you can get some help. I know people who can make you feel a whole lot better.”

He frowned. “Do I have to go?”

“No. We’re not arresting you or anything. This is just for you.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere.”

“Fine. But can I have someone come and see you? They can help you here.”

He finally nodded. “Okay.”

“How about you let me hold on to that blade? Would you do that?”

He slowly, gingerly extended the carved blade.

She took it and slipped it into her jacket pocket. The thin blade felt light as air. She couldn’t even tell it was in her pocket. “Thank you, Norman.”

“You’re welcome.” He sat down in front of the television set. “Would you go now? I have to watch the news programs and make sure that Colby isn’t going to slip through the cracks because of those nutty people who want him to live because they never had a son like my Stevie.” He switched on the set. “I feel better that someone knows why I went to see Colby. It was kinda hanging over me.”

“I’m glad we know about you, too, Norman. Remember, you said that I can send someone to talk to you.” She stopped at the door. “That’s a promise, right?”

He nodded, his gaze on the TV screen.

Kendra turned to go.

“Kendra.”

She looked back at him.

“You may need peace even more than the rest of us,” Wallach said quietly. “I’m sorry I made it harder for you.”