Finally, he gave a pad and a pen to a woman in the front row, telling her to draw any animal she wanted. After a bit of back and forth, he took off his other shoe to reveal a picture of an elephant drawn in biro on the bottom of his foot.

It would have been terrific if it wasn’t for the fact the woman had drawn a turtle.

At first there were huge amounts of laughter, largely because of his confused facial expressions, but it soon reached the point where the audience were becoming restless, wondering if he was genuinely that bad.

At the rear of the stage was a table that had been there since the start, with a yellow-headed puppet that had massive eyes, wild spiky hair and a large flapping mouth sitting on top of it. Hugo crossed to the back and launched into a ventriloquist act with the puppet he told them was named Dom. Hugo soon showed how funny he could be with lightning-quick responses from Dom tamely insulting audience members and almost always making himself the butt of the joke. It drew huge laughs and Jessica couldn’t stop herself from chuckling, mainly because of the ridiculous sight of the puppet talking in a broad Mancunian accent as Hugo shifted seamlessly from that into his own.

Hugo eventually returned to the front of the stage where he bowed and took the applause, although Jessica hadn’t been overly impressed with the actual tricks. As he was about to leave the stage, Dom’s voice shouted loudly: ‘Oi, dickhead, we’re not done yet.’

Even though Hugo was nowhere near it, Dom’s mouth flapped open, leading to gasps and laughs in equal measure. Hugo’s lips weren’t moving but the voice was coming from the direction of the puppet.

Hugo played it straight and Jessica knew from experience that she shouldn’t have doubted him. The pair argued back and forth, before Dom demanded someone competent be brought onto the stage. He continued to insult various people with their hands up, before finally settling on ‘the purple one at the back’.

Izzy got a big cheer as she carefully made her way to the stage. Hugo asked her to tell the crowd her name and then got scolded by Dom for touching her bottom – even though he clearly hadn’t.

Dom continued to insult Hugo, with Jessica trying to see if there was anyone else behind the table, or if there were strings somehow controlling his mouth. The puppet said Izzy was making him feel ‘hot’ and asked her to help him out. Jessica could tell the constable was nervous, but also finding the epilogue hilarious, as, on command, she removed Dom’s shirt and shoes to reveal the queen of spades stitched into his chest, the number ‘243’ on one foot, and a turtle on the other.

The grand finale coincided with a tram thundering overhead but the applause was far louder as Hugo bowed. Izzy made her way up the steps beaming and clapping, while Dom called her a ‘fat cow’ as soon as her back was turned. Hugo walked to the curtain and took a final bow, only for a pair of pink knickers to fly over the top of his head. He picked them up and gave a thumbs-up to the crowd, pocketing them and walking off.

The compere could barely make himself heard as he wished everyone a good night since it was clear who had stolen the show. Izzy couldn’t stop laughing, telling everyone around them that she had no idea how Dom was managing to talk, let alone how Hugo could have possibly brought off the rest of the trick. Caroline kept saying it was the best thing she had ever seen.

‘Do we get to meet him now?’ Izzy asked Rowlands excitedly.

‘Jess?’ Dave said, raising his eyes, and speaking to her for the first time since they had been in the classroom together.

‘Lead the way,’ Jessica replied, largely because she suspected Izzy would have bashed the door down to get to him anyway.

Rowlands had clearly been before and led them through a side door after swapping a handshake with the security officer, who knew his name. They didn’t have to worry about where to find Hugo as the half-dozen women who had been in the front row were hammering on a door at the far end. Dave reopened the side door and told the security officer, who radioed for help, leading to a scene Jessica wouldn’t have believed if she hadn’t watched it herself – seven burly men physically having to eject six middle-aged women from the building, as they thrashed and kicked in an effort to get through the dressing-room door.

As the security officer came back and told them they were clear to see Hugo, Jessica touched his arm to get his attention. ‘Were they groupies?’ she asked.

The man laughed. ‘They come here every week. Why do you think I have to stand here? After the show, they went all the way upstairs, then went through the staff toilets to get back down here. They’ll be waiting out front when you all leave.’

‘Really?’

The man laughed again. ‘Whatever you do, love, don’t walk out of here holding his hand, they’ll tear you to pieces.’

Jessica had no intention of walking out holding Hugo’s hand but the fact he had fans who were so devoted they couldn’t bear to see him with another female was astounding. Caroline, who had met him at her wedding and a Christmas meal, seemed star-struck. But it was Izzy in particular who could barely contain her excitement as Dave knocked on the dressing-room door and Hugo welcomed them in.

Hugo seemed oblivious to the attention and was sitting cross-legged on a table watching a cartoon on the television while playing with an abacus. Jessica’s gaze was drawn towards Dom, who was sitting on top of a guitar case in the corner. He was lovely and soft as she picked him up, searching for anything that could have made his mouth move independently. As she turned it around, Dom’s voice snapped: ‘Oi, get yer hand out of my arse’. The puppet’s mouth hadn’t moved, but Jessica still jumped, looking around to see everyone, including Rowlands, grinning at her.

‘Very clever,’ she said, crossing the room and playfully punching Hugo on the arm.

As she knew he would, Hugo shrugged his way through Izzy and Caroline’s questions, as if the entire act had been something that had just happened, continuing to focus on the abacus.

Just when it seemed as if no one was going to get any sense out of him, Hugo hopped up and took his shoes off before moving across to the sofa in the corner.

‘I’m going camping next weekend,’ he said with no prior indication that might be what was on his mind. ‘Who fancies it?’

Dave shook his head, although said he might another time. For a moment, Jessica thought she was going to have to remind Izzy she was married, such was her apparent infatuation, but she reluctantly said she had a child and husband at home. Caroline, on the other hand, was more than up for it and was talking about what she should pack when Hugo looked across the room. ‘Jess?’

‘I don’t do camping.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I have a perfectly good roof to live under.’

‘Come on, Jess, it’ll be fun,’ Caroline pleaded.

Jessica had been friends with her for a long time and knew she was definitely not outdoor-minded. When they had been teenagers, she wouldn’t even cross the field to get to college in case she got muddy, instead making them both walk the full way around. Jessica reminded her of that but was met with a very mature raspberry noise.

‘Right then, it’s just me and you,’ Caroline said with a smile that Hugo hadn’t appeared to notice. Instead he was trying to clean the biro-drawn elephant from his skin by licking his thumb and wiping vigorously. Jessica was impressed at the level of detail given it had been drawn in pen on the bottom of his foot.

Izzy’s raised eyebrows confirmed to Jessica that they were each thinking the same thing when it came to Caroline’s excitement about time alone with Hugo.

Jessica excused herself and made her way upstairs. One of the barmen was sweeping the now-empty club but he didn’t question her presence as she entered the toilets. She was washing her face and hands when the door went and she turned to see Izzy again.