Her thoughts were sluggish as she tried to recall where she was. The silhouette of Rowlands swarmed into view, although he didn’t look quite right. Usually he had spiky hair but the shape of him was wrong. Jessica tried to work out how much wine she had drunk because she couldn’t remember being this tipsy for a while. She giggled unwillingly. ‘You look like a twat,’ she croaked.

She expected something barbed in return but instead she realised she was holding the man’s hand. ‘Jess . . .’ he said soothingly, gripping her more tightly.

‘Dave?’

‘How are you feeling?’

‘I . . . I don’t know. How much did I drink? Am I at yours?’ Her final words sent a wave of déjà vu rushing through her and then she remembered how the rest of the conversation went. He would tell her to ‘drink’, she would cough and then he would say ‘slowly’.

Then she remembered a woman’s voice saying the exact same words.

Jessica flipped herself upwards until she was sitting rigidly; her eyes were wide. ‘Adam.’

She could feel one of Rowlands’s hands gripping hers even tighter, the other on her back. ‘Jess, you should rest,’ he said.

Jessica wanted to move quickly but her body was betraying her. She thought she was swinging her legs over the edge of the bed but only her top half moved. ‘Adam . . .’ she moaned, unable to stop herself crying. She squeezed her friend’s hand as hard as she could, until she heard him squeal. ‘Where’s Adam?’ she implored.

She felt his other hand move from her back onto her face, sweeping away a strand of matted hair. Her eyes tried to focus on the man who was with her. Rowlands’s voice was restful. ‘Relax, Jess. You’ve got to focus on yourself.’

Jessica could feel tears on her cheeks, itching as they rolled down her face. Memories of what had happened fell on her in one go as, instead of recalling things bit by bit, the whole terrifying night flashed into her mind.

‘Oh God. There was a fire. There . . . Adam . . .’ The room swam into view, everything becoming visible. She could see the pale walls, the white bed linen, a closed door at the foot of her bed and Rowlands’s concerned face staring into hers. Jessica tried to speak but her throat felt hoarse. ‘Is he . . . ?’

The constable’s hand brushed tears away from her face before finally saying the words she had been crying for. ‘He’s alive, Jess.’

It was the greatest sentence Jessica had ever heard. It surged through her, the pain in her throat and stomach dissolving into a grin she didn’t want to fight, no matter how much her head was hurting.

‘He’s alive?’

Rowlands’s hand left her face and, although the second one twitched, she continued to hold it as tightly as she could manage. ‘Yes, he’s alive but you have to think about getting yourself better first. He’s got doctors and nurses and all sorts of people around him.’

Jessica thought about what she was being told and then realised what the constable hadn’t said. ‘Is he awake?’

Dave’s voice faltered. ‘He’s . . . no. Not at the moment. But he’s breathing on his own and they say he’s going to be all right.’

Jessica didn’t know how to reply. She still felt cloudy. ‘What time is it?’

Rowlands tried to withdraw his hand from hers but she wouldn’t let him, even though it felt clammy. ‘Jess . . .’ he cooed. She released him and, even though her eyes had closed again, she could sense him looking at a watch. When he took her hand again, there was less sweat and she knew he must have wiped it. ‘It’s five o’clock,’ he said.

‘In the morning?’

‘No, in the evening. You’ve slept all day.’

‘Oh . . . I’m tired . . .’ Jessica found herself giggling but didn’t know why. The laughter dissolved into a mix of tears and coughs. She didn’t know if she was happy or distraught.

‘I want to get up,’ she said, managing to move her legs in the direction she wanted second time around. She heard the constable stuttering and saying something about getting someone but she continued to hold his hand, putting her other one on his shoulder and using his body to pull herself up. He let go of her hand but used both of his to steady her hips. It was only as he held her that she realised she was wearing a gown, which she presumed must mean she was in hospital. It seemed silly that she could have missed it but it hadn’t registered that was where she was.

The material felt thin against her body and the way Rowlands held her felt slightly unnatural at first, until he pulled her towards him into a hug. His hands were on her back as she clung to his neck, at first loosely and then with all the strength she could manage. She heard him whisper her name.

Her sense of time felt warped and she didn’t know how long it was before she finally released his neck. He let go of her body, allowing her to use his upper arm to support her weight. ‘I love him so much,’ Jessica said, trying not to cry.

‘I know you do. He’s going to be fine.’

‘I want to see him.’

‘Jess, you shouldn’t . . . just wait and I’ll get someone.’

‘No . . .’ Jessica held his hand again, desperate not to be on her own.

‘Okay, okay. But let’s tidy you up a bit.’

She felt him tugging her gown, straightening it around her shoulders and then tightening it at the back after she had reluctantly let him go.

‘Have you been here all day?’ she asked.

‘I got a sandwich earlier but . . . yes.’

‘That’s nice.’

She saw him shrug. ‘It’s you,’ he replied delicately.

Jessica didn’t know exactly what he meant but figured it was because her mind still wasn’t functioning fully. He started to laugh.

‘What?’

‘You gobbed on my shoe earlier. When you first woke up. I was panicking and thinking I should get a nurse. You started coughing and I wanted to help, then you just spat this black mucus stuff onto my foot.’

Jessica began laughing herself but it soon gave way to another cough. She waved her colleague away, not wanting to sputter anything else on to him. As he stepped backwards, she knew her mind was still playing tricks as someone she knew couldn’t be Rowlands whispered that he loved her.

26

‘If you didn’t want to marry me, all you had to do was say.’ Jessica squeezed Adam’s hand, willing him to smile at her. It certainly looked as if he was trying but he motioned for the oxygen mask and took a deep breath.

‘I love you,’ he whispered hoarsely.

‘So you should. And next time, leave the key for the window next to the bloody window.’

Adam’s eyes crinkled but he again didn’t smile as she was willing him to. ‘What happened?’ he asked.

Jessica wanted to continue making jokes, knowing that, if she stopped, the tears that had felt close since she woke would return. ‘There was a fire, that’s all we know. People are looking into it.’

‘Your people?’

‘Yes.’

‘So someone did this to us?’

Jessica closed her eyes to stop herself crying. ‘To me.’

She felt Adam’s hand twitch in hers, as if he were trying to console her, but there was no strength to his grip. ‘Who?’

Jessica didn’t want to say but she could hear the pleading in his voice. ‘I don’t know. Probably the same person who has been in the news for the other fires.’

Adam took another breath from the oxygen, before Jessica took the mask and did the same herself. It felt dry on her throat but nothing except water seemed to offer any relief – and that only lasted for as long as she was drinking.

‘What happened with the window?’ he asked.

Jessica didn’t want to think about it too much but, in trying to make her joke before, she had already told him half of it. The nurse had told her she couldn’t spend too long with Adam because he needed to rest.