But Dane is alive. Moore has him.”
“Oh, Lin.” Noah looked stricken. When Lindsay got close enough, Noah helped him climb back inside. “I’m sorry.”
Inside, Lindsay stepped close and rested his forehead against Noah’s chest. “He’s alive, but I don’t know where he is.” Lourdes had been right the last time she’d said Lindsay would see Dane again. He hoped she was right this time too.
“We’ll find him.” Noah wrapped his arms around Lindsay and held him. “If I hadn’t...” He shook his head and rested his cheek on Lindsay’s hair.
“It was my decision.” Lindsay had made the choice that meant Dane had to stay behind. And Moore... “Kristan’s gone for the night. When she gets back, we need to talk about what we’re going to do next.”
“Then let me sit down before we talk.” Noah held out a hand. “Before I fall down. You don’t need to be carrying me.”
“We’d best get you to bed.” Lindsay took Noah’s hand and let Noah lean on him. Noah shouldn’t have been up in the first place. Lindsay let his concern push the crushing news to the back of his head. He led Noah to their room and helped him into bed. “We can talk later. You should rest. Rajan said you’d need it.”
“And you shouldn’t?” Noah dropped to the bed with a soft groan. “Did you eat while I was sleeping?”
He dragged the covers up as he lay down, managing to leave one leg bare and not bothering to fix it.
“Before I came back with the healer. Are you hungry?” Lindsay tugged the blankets to cover Noah’s leg. Seeing it bare only made him want to touch, because touching would make him feel better, and that was temptation he didn’t need.
“Dr. Rajan said I probably wouldn’t be until tomorrow, and, I quote, I ‘don’t want to know why’.”
Noah made a sour face. “I really don’t. I’m fine, though.”
“Good to know.” Lindsay made a face to match Noah’s. “Consider that offer rescinded. We’ll go with sleep then.”
He straightened the blankets again, and headed over to curl up in the chair in the corner. He might as well relax while Noah was sleeping. Anything to keep from thinking about Cyrus. There was nothing he could do about Cyrus’s death, and pushing it aside as he’d done with so many other things over the years was the only way he could cope right now.
“Don’t.” Noah sat up and grabbed one of the blankets. “I can sit there. I slept all afternoon.”
“You’ve been through a lot. You should take the bed.” Lindsay came back to the bed to put his hand on Noah’s shoulder—Noah’s skin was as warm as sunlight—and push him back down to the bed. “Stay.”
“I’m not letting you spend the night in a chair.” Noah wasn’t nearly as compliant as he had been at other times. “We all need you to get some sleep. I’ll stay here if you will. I promise not to use you as a pillow again.”
Lindsay hesitated. Noah was... But it wouldn’t matter. They both needed to rest. “All right. Move over.” He slid into bed with Noah and pulled the covers up over both of them.
Noah propped a pillow up behind himself so he was sitting up, and he watched Lindsay get settled, his eyes narrowed. Once Lindsay had his head on a pillow, he exhaled slowly.
“That’s better. Did you really expect me to sleep knowing you’re crumpled up in a chair like yesterday’s laundry?” He sounded sour about that. “Especially on top of everything else?” His hand was warm on Lindsay’s hair. “We can start fixing things tomorrow.”
“It would’ve been fine,” Lindsay insisted, letting his eyes fall shut. He’d spent the night after they’d gotten here in that chair. Lying next to Noah would have only caused him pain.
“Not for me,” Noah muttered. He was uncharacteristically intractable and defensive, but his touches were warm and soothing. After a minute, though, he took his hand away and was quiet. He’d said he wouldn’t sleep, but it wasn’t long before his breathing settled into a familiar, slow rhythm that said he was out like a light.
Lindsay, on the other hand, couldn’t get his mind to stop racing. Dane was with Moore. He hated that, but he could cope with it. He’d get Dane back. But Cyrus was dead. Just...dead.
Moore’s people hadn’t gotten Zoey, but that left Ylli—assuming he was still alive—to protect her, and it was impossible to tell how long that would last. Ylli had all the killer instinct of any other little bird.
Cyrus was dead. Dane was gone—for now. Nobody ever knew where Vivian was. That left him, and Kristan, to lead the way forward. Kristan had done well getting them to Detroit, but this wasn’t her fight.
She had no bond to Dane and no connection to Moore that would push her to set things right.
It was all up to him.
Lindsay wasn’t the only one feeling unsettled, but Noah slept through it. He pushed himself down from the head of the bed and sprawled on his belly, then twisted to lie on his back. In what little light there
was in the room, Lindsay could make out the unhappiness on his face. When one of his hands found Lindsay’s hip as he rolled onto his side, it didn’t take long for him to find his way closer.
Only then, with his cheek pressed to Lindsay’s shoulder and an arm and a leg draped over Lindsay as well, did he seem less distressed. His breath caught as he remembered things in his sleep, but he was finally still.
With Noah wrapped around him, Lindsay was bathed in warmth. It was both familiar and not, at once, but Lindsay let it comfort him. Absentmindedly, he stroked Noah’s bare back under the blankets as his mind whirled through everything that had happened, and everything he had to do.
The petting made Noah wriggle closer and he sighed contentedly against Lindsay’s neck. Even through his heavy jeans, Lindsay could feel the hot press of Noah’s erection against his thigh. He tried to shift away, but Noah tugged him closer, and Lindsay’s body was more than willing to sit up and take notice of Noah’s arousal.
Lindsay groaned quietly, all thoughts of his new responsibilities gone as he focused on Noah now. He didn’t want to push Noah away—both because he could tell Noah needed the contact and because he wanted to strip off his own clothes and get as close to Noah as humanly possible—but he remembered how awkwardly Noah had reacted the last time he’d been turned on by sleeping close to Lindsay.
When Noah flinched and sat bolt upright, gasping sharply, Lindsay felt sick with guilt. Noah turned to look at him, an orange flicker in his blue eyes that showed clearly, even in the dark. Before Lindsay could start to say anything, Noah exhaled slowly and lay down again, propping himself up on one elbow.
“You’re okay.” It was half question, half statement. Noah touched Lindsay’s cheek and fumbled for his hands, checking to make sure.
“I’m all right.” As all right as he was going to be. “Are you?”
The last thing Lindsay wanted was to hurt Noah.
“No,” Noah said bluntly. “Not really.” He shook his head and rubbed his hand over his face. “I kept thinking it was you I set on fire. Don’t ask me why. Maybe the only thing that can still go wrong. I’m sorry everything’s fucked up, Lindsay. When we have Dane and the others back, you can send me home. You can do that.”
“It would be safer for you,” Lindsay allowed, cupping Noah’s cheek and brushing his thumb over the new growth of Noah’s beard. The idea of giving Noah up made his chest ache, but he would do it if Noah wanted. “Do you want to go back? My life isn’t exactly... It will probably never be easier than this. Not until Moore is gone.”
“No. Want to, no.” Noah leaned his cheek against Lindsay’s hand and closed his eyes. “But if I hadn’t fucked up, Dane would be with you, probably Cyrus too. I don’t want to be the cause of your pain, Lindsay. I don’t want to end up being the reason you feel the same way I do.”