Kat and I used to laugh about it. “I know my Queen. You'll have none of them. At least that's what you say.”

“Most emphatically I say it, but only within these four walls. Just for your ears, Kat. And remember, not a word outside. If you gossip about me, I'll have your head, that I will.”

“Now don't you be too handy with people's heads,” warned Kat. “You always said your sister made the mistake of killing off some of the best.”

“And you would call yourself one of the best?”

“Without a doubt.”

“As you always will be, Kat,” I said seriously.

She was pleased and went on to tell me the latest gossip, which was that the Duchess of Suffolk had married her equerry and everyone was extremely shocked by the misalliance.

“Let her enjoy her equerry,” I said. “Her marriage is not a matter of state.”

“The silk woman was wanting to see you rather specially this afternoon.”

“Oh, what matter of moment has Mistress Montague to lay before me? I will say this for her, she is the best silk woman we have ever had. What say you, Kat?”

“I am in agreement with Your Majesty, and these stockings she has brought look very fine.”

“Stockings! Where are they? Why was I not shown them before?”

“Being so occupied with matters of state …” began Kat.

“Bring them to me at once, insolent creature.”

She did. They had been knitted in silk. The first I had ever seen.

“Try them, Your Majesty,” whispered Kat.

So, of course, I did. They clung to the legs and made them look so much more slender than the cloth ones.

“Tell Mistress Montague that I am delighted with her work.”

“I have anticipated Your Majesty's commands and I have set her knitting others.”

“Good Kat,” I said.

“I knew I was safe,” added Kat, “for if Your Majesty was misguided enough as to disapprove of the stockings, there would be others to take them with the utmost speed.”

Kat returned to the discussion of my marriage and told me what they were saying in the streets. “They are glad you have sent the Spaniards packing and would like an English marriage. Nothing would please them more than to see you married to one of our own. I have heard it said that it is a great pity Lord Robert already has a wife.”

I smiled enigmatically. So they thought Robert would be suitable…if he had not a wife. That was interesting. Lord Robert, yes. He was the only one. But he had a wife—and as I have said I was not altogether displeased about that!

Cecil was very disturbed. Philip of Spain had become affianced to the sister of the King of France.

“Now,” said Cecil, “we have the King of France and the King of Spain united by this marriage; and the King of France has already declared his daughter-in-law, Mary of Scotland, the true heir to the English throne. Our two most powerful enemies will now be allies.”

“But I was right not to enter into a marriage with Spain. It turned the people against my sister.”

Cecil agreed that this was so.

“And the marriage between France and Spain is the outcome of my refusal.”

“True,” agreed Cecil. “We are facing formidable enemies and the best thing for you to do is to marry with as much speed as possible. If you had a child, your position would be more secure.”

“My dear Cecil,” I said, “I have a band of great ministers in whom I trust. I have my people who love me. My subjects will be loyal to me, and if God will be my guide and help me, I have no fear of any enemies who should come against me.”

“Your Grace has shown wisdom rare in one so young. The people are with you as they were with your father, and in a manner which both your sister and your brother failed to win from them. I know that you will have the wisdom and the courage to succeed, but still I tell you it would be well to marry and give the country an heir.”

“My dear Cecil, you know I am giving the matter my consideration.”

“I pray Your Grace will continue to do so and come to a quick decision.”

“Marriage is a matter to which much thought should be given before embarking on it. It can be disastrous. I have been hearing of the misalliance of our own Duchess of Suffolk. I am amused that such a proud lady should marry her horsekeeper.”

“Ladies in love often do not consider consequences. Indeed, Madam, what you say is true. The Duchess has entered into matrimony with her horsekeeper. She might say that Your Majesty wishes she could do the same.”

I looked at him while the color rushed into my face.

I could think of no reply. So my feelings for Robert were as obvious as all that!

Cecil continued to regard me quizzically. I wanted to chide him for listening to gossip and for not showing due respect for his Queen.

But my wise self reminded the other that I wanted honesty from Cecil— and in any case whether I wanted it or not, I would get it, and if I objected, he would leave my service. He was that sort of man.

So I shrugged my shoulders and said nothing.

THERE WAS A GREAT DEAL OF GOSSIP ABOUT ROBERT AND me. We were always together and he made no attempt to hide his feelings; and I fear that I was revealing enough to show my regard for him. He had such outstanding good looks and presence that he was bound to attract attention. He was very jealous of Arundel and Pickering, and as Arundel and Pickering were jealous of each other they quarreled when they met. Cecil said it was unwise to set them against each other, but I could not resist it and would favor one more than the other in turn. But Robert always had more of everything than others so his jealousy was far in excess of that of Arundel and Pickering.

The frivolous side of me enjoyed the situation immensely while the more sober side looked on indulgently.

Robert was essentially a very proud man and I would not have felt so favorable toward him if he had not been. He was frustrated because of his marriage and certainly believed that if he had been free I would have married him…a matter of which I was not entirely sure myself. When he saw me spreading my smiles between Arundel and Pickering he pretended not to notice and when I spoke to him there was a distinct coolness in his voice. He was polite and perfectly proper so there was nothing for which I could reprove him. It was just those ardent glances of love and tenderness which I missed—and I was astonished to discover how affected I could be by his seeming indifference. It was assumed of course, but it did show that he was hurt.

Philip of Spain had turned from me. Would Robert? But Philip had never loved me—only my crown. I had convinced myself that it was different with Robert.

The situation was becoming intolerable. There were others present all the time and I could not speak to Robert as I wished to with people eavesdropping—as they always did on my conversations—and they were particularly eager to do so when I was talking with Robert.

So I wanted to speak to him privately and told Kat to bring him to my apartment. Kat was shocked.

“But, my love, you cannot do that,” she said.

“Since when has Kat Ashley seen fit to instruct the Queen?” I asked.

“Oh, we are Her Majesty today, are we?”

“Today and always,” I reminded her, “and don't forget it, unless…”

“Unless I want my head to part company with my body? But listen, my dearest, there are watchers, you know.”

“I must speak to him,” I said.

She nodded. “He is a lovely gentleman and I know Your Majesty's feeling for him and his for you. 'Tis a pity he has a wife living… somewhere in Oxfordshire I believe it to be.”

“Never mind where it is,” I said. “Bring him.”

So he came.

When we were alone together I gave him my hand to kiss.

“Robert,” I said, “you have been somewhat sullen of late, and I like not sullen men and women about me.”