Receive that she-wolf! Give her the satisfaction of coming to Court! At least I had been able to deny her that.

She had tried to live like a queen. She had tried to rival me… not only with him, but in outward show. Oh, the impudence of that woman! Receive her at Court! No, I said firmly. But Essex never knew when to stop.

I would silence him and he would be sullen. Sometimes he dared stay away from Court, pretending to be sick. I believed he used that method as Robert used it, and as I myself had in the days of danger. But I was never sure—as I had not been with Robert—and I would be very upset wondering if he really was ill.

One day, during one of these bouts of illness—he really did look rather pale lying in his bed—he told me that he was upset about his mother who was most unhappy because I had shut her out.

He looked so mournful that I wanted to please him so I said: “I shall be passing from my chamber to the Presence room the day after tomorrow. I shall have to see those who are in the Privy Gallery.”

“Dearest Majesty.” His smile was brilliant and I suffered a twinge of jealousy. He loved his mother. There was no doubt of that.

“And you will speak to her? Oh, if you did, that would mean so much. She would be able to come to Court again.”

I said: “I have to speak to one or two as I pass through, you know.”

He kissed my hand rapturously.

After I had left him, I scolded myself. See Lettice Knollys! I hated the woman. Every time I thought of her I saw her and Robert together. How much worse it would be actually to see her!

He had wrung that promise from me. Why had I given it? Because he looked so wan. Because I had wanted to please him. What had I said? I had not really promised that I would speak to her. I had merely stated that I would be passing through the gallery, which I often did. Some people were presented to me then…or caught my eye. Then naturally I would speak to them. But I had made no promise that I would speak to her.

The day came. I was in my chamber and my women were assisting at my dressing ceremony. All the time I was thinking: She will be out there. What will she be wearing? Something becoming. She had always known what suited her and she could look beautiful in the simplest of gowns. She would look young still. She was younger than I… but even she would be getting old.

Why should I see her?

“Is there a crowd in the gallery?” I asked.

One of my ladies replied that the usual crowd was gathered there.

I yawned. It was time for me to go. In a few moments I would be face to face with my enemy.

I had been forced to this. What right had Essex? I must not be so indulgent toward him. He gave himself airs. He had too high an opinion of his importance! He should be taught a few lessons.

“I do not think I will go to the Presence Chamber today,” I said. “One of you must inform the people waiting in the gallery that I shall not be passing through today.”

They were all surprised but they knew better than to hesitate.

My orders were carried out and the people in the Privy Gallery—Lettice Knollys among them—dispersed.

I laughed aloud. That would show Lettice that her son did not command me absolutely. And perhaps it would show her very clearly that I had no wish to see her again.

WHEN ESSEX HEARD what had happened he came storming to Court. He certainly looked pale and drawn, but he had arisen from his sick-bed to register his anger.

He really was a very rash young man and I marveled at myself for allowing him to act as he did. He would go too far one day.

He said: “You promised me… and you did not keep your promise.”

“My Lord Essex,” I retorted sharply, “pray remember to whom you are addressing this tirade.”

“I am addressing it to one who has so little heed of me that she will not grant me the smallest favor.”

“You ungrateful wretch! How many favors have you received at my hands?”

“I want this… for my mother. I want you to be gracious to her, to let her come to Court again. I asked you, and you promised me you would speak to her.”

“I said that if I were passing through the gallery I might exchange a word with any who caught my eye, which is my usual practice. But I did not pass through the gallery.”

“You did not because you knew that she was there.”

“Be careful, Essex. And leave me at once. You offend me.”

He strode away muttering that he had no desire to be where he was not wanted. I had given too much to that knave Raleigh, but this small thing he asked was denied him.

Let him go back to his bed. I made excuses for him. He was suffering from a fever. He was overwrought. But he was always overbearing, always rash, and spoke before he had given thought to what he was going to say.

I had news of him. He was very ill, it was said; and my conscience smote me. I went to see him and there was no doubt about his illness. He was not shamming this time. I had a terrible fear that I was going to lose him as I had lost Walsingham, Hatton and my dearest Robert.

I said rashly that I would receive his mother privately.

The effect on him was miraculous. Feverishly he kissed my hands. He said I was the kindest, most beautiful lady in the world and that he loved me as he never could love anyone else. He wished that he could die for me … this very moment. Nothing would give him greater pleasure.

I was touched and told him that the best way in which he could please me was to get well.

Then I began to think of meeting Lettice, and I found I was quite looking forward to the encounter. I wanted to see what the years had done to her. I was over sixty, so she must be in her fifties. Was she eight years younger than I? She had always been an outstandingly beautiful woman and she would know how to preserve her looks, I had no doubt. She seemed to have kept the devotion of that new husband of hers and he was twenty years younger than she was.

I considered what I should wear for the occasion. I wished to look my most regal so that Madame Lettice would not forget for a moment that she was in the presence of the Queen.

I chose a gown of white brocade with a red satin lining in the hanging sleeves which fell back to disclose my hands, and these less than any other part of me showed my age. They were still very white and supple, and I had always thought them my most outstanding beauty; and consequently everything was designed to bring them into prominence. They looked very beautiful adorned with jewels. My dress was ornamented with pearls set in gold filigree and the bodice was slashed with red velvet. My waist, which was as trim as it had been when I was a young girl, was encircled by a jeweled girdle, and my ruff scintillated with diamonds.

Thus I was ready to receive my enemy.

She knelt before me—graceful and still youthful—in blue, and wearing a hat with a curling feather. I saw that her hair was still plentiful and of that attractive color. She probably had some recipe for keeping it so. Trust her to discover the way to stay young. She doubtless had a good apothecary who could provide her with what she needed. And her eyes were large and darkly beautiful.

“You may rise, cousin,” I said.

I stood up and we were close together. I put my hands on her shoulders and gave her a formal kiss. She flushed a little. I thought I caught a hint of triumph in her eyes.

I sat down and indicated a stool. She placed herself on it, gracefully gathering her skirts about her.

“It is long since I have seen you,” I said.

“So long, Your Majesty,” she answered.

“All those years since he died,” I said. It was strange that while she was with me I could only think of Robert. “You have consoled yourself,” I went on, almost angrily.

She bowed her head.

“You are like my aunt, Mary Boleyn. There must be men. Ah well, it is long ago, but sometimes to me it seems like yesterday. How did he die?”