“They’re trying to find the gun,” Jessica said. “They’re probing you.”

“Nah,” Lee said.

He sat upright and moved her legs off his lap.

“You think?” he said. “What do you think they’ll try?”

“Do you want to wait to find out?” she said.

“What can I do?” he said, “I already took all their food. I’ve got the gun. I’ve set up guards, rotations, alarms.”

“And now you’ll just sit back and wait?”

“Time is on our side, baby. They have no food, and they’re getting weaker by the day.”

He got up and stood, shifting from one foot to the other, rubbing his hands together.

“They know that too,” she said. “Do you think they’re just going to roll over and die for us? They’re backed into a corner.”

“What more can I do?” he said, “What do you want me to do? I haven’t got enough bullets to kill them all, you know.”

“Do you need to kill them all to stop them?” she said.

He stopped moving, one hand caught in the other.

“No. No, there’s just… that Hesse. The Colonel. And this Travis Cooke. Maybe the engineer. But what am I supposed to do? Just kill them for no reason?”

“You shot at them in the lifeboats,” she said. “You took their food to kill them all slowly. But you won’t kill them fast? What are you scared of?”

“I need to know what they’re up to,” he said. “I need spies.”

He left.

43

 

Travis was in the stern when he awoke with his milk. He stayed outside just a few strides before picking a stairway that was exceptionally dark. It was never hard to find dark spaces on the ship with the electricity so drastically rationed. Mostly though, they all sought the light, and all that was active was in the light. Travis wanted the dark. It was relaxing, and there was something hypnotic of descending into it, imagining a place lit up on the other side.

He went down several flights without seeing anyone, then looked and listened for over a minute before venturing into the halls of one of the cabin decks. He was still in Golding’s domain.

He found the abandoned cabin in the dark. His gun was where he’d left it, between the mattress and box spring of the untidy bed. He had guessed that he would be frisked. If he had brought the gun, he’d be dead now. He couldn’t explain why he’d hidden it here, closer to danger than safety, except that he wanted it close at hand. What circumstances could have led to his being able to retrieve it if he had been in pressing enough danger to need it, he couldn’t imagine, but he’d wanted it close at hand just the same. He knew there was a time for guns. He had felt they weren’t there yet, yesterday.

Today, as he replaced the gun in Vera’s bedroom closet, he thought he’d be using it soon.

He met up with his group at breakfast in the Atrium.

“What’d you find out?” Claude said.

“I don’t know, not much. They seem like they don’t have any plan either.”

“What did you expect? Them to be working on a space ship?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just hoped that someone had a plan for getting us out of here other than just fighting over who starves last.”

“Well,” Claude said, “I hope you like fish.”

Breakfast was sugar, a thin slice of frosted cake and a quarter of a mushy fruit. Corrina kept quiet, smiling as she handed down Darren’s napkin with the food. Darren did not smile back, and he too kept quiet. He was not well, Corrina thought. He’d borne it all so well when it happened, even the shooting of Norman, and she’d expected that first shock to be the worst of it. Bit by bit, the stabbing of the dead man by Vera, the shootings during the lifeboat crush, the continuance of everything, had turned him into something else. Darren was far away. He was a dirty, smelly automaton, more and more withdrawn, except perhaps in the playroom or while sitting with Claude. This day, his head still ringing from the Mighty Lee Golding, Travis tried harder. He began by forcing his own smile.

“Guess who has a birthday coming up?” he prodded the boy.

“I forgot,” Corrina gasped.

“Do you want a birthday party?” Travis continued to Darren.

“How do you even know the date?” Corrina said.

Darren didn’t answer for a moment, he withdrew into himself and his imagination, but then he looked up at his daddy.

He remembered his birthday party. His daddy and mommy and Gerry were all there, his cousins and the kids from his class, and the girl down the hall, and everyone was happy, and his mommy made a dragon cake. They had a treasure hunt. When he blew out the candles on the dragon cake he wished for more birthday parties with his daddy and mommy and Gerry all being happy.

“How?” he said almost inaudibly.

“We’ll go the games room,” Travis said. “They’ve got board games, and foosball. They even have Hungry Hippo. We’ll invite your friends. And your dad and mom and Gerry will play with you as long as you want. We can do a treasure hunt. And your dad might just know where to find a band looking to do a show.”

Darren smiled. His imagination took him to that place. Travis felt a hand on his shoulder, and peeked sideways to see Corrina smiling at him.

After breakfast, Travis stayed to talk with Hesse. The others walked back towards the lounge. Gerry spoke with Claude quietly. They told Travis they were going to take a look at the remaining lifeboats, and see if any could be repaired.

Corrina offered to go with them but Gerry had shook his head no, and spoke low so Darren couldn’t hear.

“I’m worried about that psycho with the gun getting the same idea. Take Darren back to the lounge.”

The way back, up the stairs, down the corridor, up more stairs.

“How come we’re able to live with Daddy here?” Darren asked.

“Things are different now,” Corrina said. “We want to be all together.”

“Can we still be together after?” Darren asked.

“I don’t know, honey,” she said. “Don’t ask about that now.”

She knew how much it hurt Darren to be apart from Travis, however much he now loved Gerry. She knew also how much it hurt her to be apart from Travis, however much she loved Gerry. All that pain was still because of Travis. She wondered, was she strong for denying her love for him? Or just scared?

Corrina held Darren’s hand. The corridor on the Penthouse Deck was walled in, not opened up to the Atrium, and was completely dark except for the thin track of lighting along the floor.

Corrina was grabbed with an arm across her throat so fiercely it knocked the breath from her and choked the air off before she could scream. The man shook her viciously, pulling her back on her heels and through a door he pulled opened with his other hand.

She heard Darren crying for her and running in after them into the room. It was brighter in here, the curtains were drawn across the windows, but there were some little slivers of light slicing the room. She heard Darren running and crying and the man pushed her down against a counter and turned. In a sliver of light Corrina saw the man’s fist come across Darren’s face so that the boy was thrown back into the darkness she could not quite see into.

“Run,” she screamed.

She had a moment’s freedom in the man’s grip, and she turned to punch at him, connecting with his face, but the man didn’t seem to notice it and pinned her wrists and pulled her into the living room, down onto the floor, tearing at her sweater, shirt and bra.

She screamed again for Darren to run, and was distracted by the thought of Darren seeing this. She went out of her body, and could see herself there, thrashing and trying to find air while the man held her throat and pulled at her pants. All she thought of then was the prayer that her son not be there to see.

He became more violent and it became more painful, and she began to cry. She blinked her tears away and saw the attacker’s face for the first time as she adjusted to the darkness. He was just a boy, she thought. He could have been one of Gerry’s tenth grade students. The boy didn’t seem to see her, though he was looking right at her. Her eyes became full of tears again so that she could not see him anymore.