He thought about Nadine. Phantom pains. She asked him once if they would suffer from them. He had not heard from her since she left for Alaska but he had seen the photos on the Eyebright website. Three of them in short sleeves and sunglasses, standing on the deck of the Eyebright, bunting fluttering above them as they headed down the Gastineau Channel. Nadine’s red hair was hidden under a bandana and Stuart, looking lean and fit, had his arm around her shoulders. The man on her other side was a forty-something with a sturdy, muscular frame and a ruddy, outdoors complexion. She was right about the phantom pains. They were bound to happen, especially on a night like this.

His nerves disappeared when he began to sing. It was like riding a bike, like sex, like everything that, once learned, brought instant recall. He was sweaty and hot, fevered with the thrill of playing before a live audience. Like the pre-performance nerves, he had also forgotten the magic of the adrenaline rush. He noticed Mik Abel among the crowd. He grinned widely and gave Jake a thumbs up. The odds of Mik remembering five strutting teenagers he once managed had been remote, or so Jake thought when he contacted him with Shard’s demonstration disc of Collapsing the Stone. It turned out to be a wise move. Not only did Mik remember the band but he had produced the album.

The ‘Collapsing the Stone’ video flashed on the screen behind the band. Maggie Doyle-Childe, Feral’s wife and a music video maker, had filmed Shard on a ghost-estate. The band looked grim and menacing as they stood among abandoned sewage pipes and cranes, the smashed windows of half-finished houses staring outwards like blank, reproachful eyes.

The audience stood around the stage or sat on high stools as the night club reverberated to the music of Shard. Karin Moylan, in black jeans, tight and satiny, moved from the midst of the crowd onto the dancefloor. Her see-through blouse had loose fluttery sleeves and the cropped-top she wore underneath moulded her breasts in a swirl of blue. As she moved in and out of the flashing laser beams she looked as if she was preparing to fly. A man joined her on the floor, his snake-like dance movements contrasting with her fast, almost frenetic steps. Each time the music stopped she rested her head against his shoulder. She seemed oblivious to Jake yet she was there as a taunt, each move designed to trigger memories of the hot, sex-drenched nights they once shared. Each gesture designed to show she had lost no time replacing him. He must focus on the music. Tonight, Shard was all that mattered.

The audience applauded, whistled, stamped their feet, roared for more. After three encores, when he was finally free to leave the stage, he ordered a drink at the bar. People slapped his back and congratulated him. Karin was nowhere to be seen. His mood slumped, the shock of her appearance finally hitting him. Brian and Peter told him the gig had been fantastic then hurried off to party elsewhere. Mik Abel sat beside him and discussed the tours he hoped to line up for the band.

The club was almost empty by the time Mik left. The other members of Shard had also gone home when Jake went backstage to collect his guitar.

‘How are you, Jake?’ She was waiting for him when he emerged from the storage room. The plume of perfume was instantly familiar, her voice hesitant and low. ‘I couldn’t leave without telling you how brilliant Shard was tonight.’

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’ He had kept busy since she left, forced himself to stop checking his phone in case there was a text, a missed call. What would he do if she contacted him? His mind had swung between one scenario where she rushed headlong into his arms and another where he resolutely turned his back on her. Now, standing before her, he had absolutely no idea how to react.

‘You never contacted me,’ she said.

‘Did you really expect me to... after the note you left?’

‘We both said hurtful things to each other that night.’

‘That’s true.’

‘You accused me of deliberately causing trouble between you and Nadine.’

‘You certainly did that.’

‘But not deliberately. What happened was a dreadful accident. I’d switched on the light without thinking… and I’d never have asked to go back to your apartment if I’d thought for a minute that she’d be home so soon.’

‘She didn’t arrive too soon.’

‘That was Liam’s fault. He said Monday, not Sunday.’

‘It doesn’t matter now.’

‘It matters to me. Nadine used to be my friend. Did you really believe I’d go out of my way to hurt her?’

‘I didn’t know what to believe.’

‘I forced you to choose between us. I’d no right to do that…’ She paused, touched his arm. ‘That’s why I’m here. To apologise for making such a ridiculous scene that night. I should have contacted you the following day but I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me again.’

‘You should have allowed me to be the judge of that.’

‘You’ve no idea how much I’ve missed you, Jake. Can you forgive me?’

‘That guy with you…’

‘Liam. We’re friends, nothing more than that. He told me Nadine is in Alaska. Was I responsible for her leaving?’

‘No.’ He shook his head vehemently. ‘I’m responsible for driving her away. I didn’t want to hurt her. But I did.’

‘It’s impossible to go through life without hurting someone,’ she said. ‘She hurt you when she decided to end your marriage. I hurt you when I left your apartment that night. You hurt me when you followed her. I could go on and on. Hurt’s a thread that needs a sharp snap every now and then. Will you hang up on me if I ring you next week?’

‘There’s only one way you’ll find out,’ he said.

Was he mad to restart something with so many echoes, so many unasked questions? He knew the answer. He had written his name on her arm once but she was the one who had branded him.

Chapter 32

Karin was still sleeping when he pulled on his tracksuit and moved silently from the bedroom. The front gates of Sea Aster screeched as he pushed them open. He must remember to oil them. The house and grounds needed constant attention, one chore leading to another and demanding more of his time each week.

He jogged along Mallard Cove. The air was filled with a sea-weedy smell, slightly rank but not unpleasant. The ducks were still sleeping, heads tucked under wings, and the swans formed ghostly silhouettes as they glided through the hazy air. He breathed evenly, his body moving to a relaxed rhythm. When he reached the remains of an old jetty he sat on the stone surface and recovered his breath.

Reactions to the gig had been amazing. Bookings were coming in and tours being planned into the future. Shard could become the poster band of the recession, Mik Abel believed. The ‘Collapsing the Stone’ video had received numerous hits and Jake’s songs, chronicling the destruction of an economy, were being discussed in print, on radio and on music blogs. Everything was so immediate these days.

Karin was possessed by that same immediacy. This time it was all or nothing. Soon after the Shard gig she presented him with the key to her apartment, boxed and tied with a red bow. She had watched, a half-smile playing around her lips, as he felt through the layers of tissue and his fingers closed over the cold metal. His first inclination was to hand the key back. It was too soon for such an exchange but he had promised her a relationship and this was her commitment to it. He used Eleanor’s ownership of Sea Aster as an excuse for not being in a position to give her a key to his apartment. It was a weak excuse but she seemed willing to accept it for the time being. What she was not willing to do was hide in the shadows of his family life.

‘It’s the perfect opportunity to introduce us,’ she said when Jake casually mentioned that he had booked a meal for two for Eleanor’s birthday. Over the past fifteen years she had celebrated her birthday in Louisa’s Loft with the family, Nadine and Rosanna, Ali, Brian and the twins, the eight of them sitting around the circular table in the centre of the restaurant. Gradually the numbers decreased and this year it would be just the two of them. He imagined Eleanor’s eyebrows rising, her acerbic comments or, worse still, her chilling silence if he introduced Karin to her. The idea was unthinkable.