Because I’d always played by their rules? Because I’d never had the balls to stand up for myself? Because I’d hidden who I really was so far beneath layers of bullshit, manners, and propriety?

“Why?”

“Because it’s expected of you. You threw everything away, and for what? A law degree from a school no one outside of D.C. has ever even heard of? You could have made a good marriage. I don’t know what man is going to want to put up with your drama now.”

Drama?

“No.” My voice shook as I pushed the words out. Everything came bubbling to the surface. My anger at my parents, at Thom, at Gray for treating me like everyone else did. For not fucking seeing me. Even at Kate for always getting to be the one who broke curfew, who talked back to our parents, who did whatever the hell she wanted, damn the consequences.

But more than anything, I was angry at myself. I’d done this. I’d allowed myself to become this shell of a person, and the worst part was that I fucking knew it. I’d criticized Gray for being scared, but I wasn’t much better. I should have done this a long time ago.

“I’m done doing things because it’s expected. Or because you need it to look good for an election, or so your friends will be impressed. I’m done caring what they write about me in Capital Confessions. I’m done living my life so everything looks a certain way. I’m done pretending I’m someone I’m not.

“This is me. I got a low score on my LSATs, and I go to a shitty law school that I know you’re disappointed about. And even though it’s a shitty law school, I’ll still probably get Cs this semester, because even though I busted my ass studying all of fall break, I still don’t understand most of it.”

“Blair—”

“I’m not done. Jackie is my sister. So is Kate. Don’t force me to choose between you and them, because after everything that’s happened, it’s not a choice.” I struggled to control my voice, to contain the rage seeping out.

“I’m not the girl you thought I was, and I’m sorry if that disappoints you, but I’m not going to change. It’s up to you whether or not that’s enough.”

With my parents, who knew? They’d all but written Kate out of their wills. Maybe I’d be stricken from the family bible as well. I couldn’t force myself to care.

I waited for her to say something, hoped that on some level she’d understand, but was met with the deep freeze of silence instead.

Standard.

I said good-bye, grabbed my books, and headed to class.

Gray

Blair was upset, and it took whatever vestiges of my willpower that remained to keep me from stopping class and asking her what was wrong. Was it her family? Law school? Me?

I was the last person who should be fixing anyone’s problems, fuck, I could barely manage mine, but I wanted to make her feel better. Somehow.

I kept looking at her while I taught, waiting for a moment when her gaze would meet mine. She didn’t look at me. Not once.

The hour crept by with agonizing slowness.

At the end of class, I couldn’t resist.

“Ms. Reynolds, could you come see me for a moment? I need to go over some things for the pro bono project with you.”

Total lie. I did have a few things, but I could have easily emailed them. I wanted the chance to talk to her without the weight of seventy-four prying eyes. I wanted to know she was okay.

Blair took her time coming up to the front of the classroom. I occupied myself with the papers in my briefcase, trying to keep from stealing glances to gauge her progress.

And then she was in front of me, and the rest of the class trailed out of the room.

I lowered my voice, keeping the desk between us. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded slowly, the motion at odds with the sadness in her eyes.

I looked around the room, noting a few stragglers—Crossword Boy among them.

“You sure?”

She exhaled and some of the tension seemed to leave her body. “Yeah. Family stuff.”

I could have let her go at that, but the worry gnawing in my stomach held me in place.

“I saw Capital Confessions this morning,” I admitted.

Surprise flashed across her face. “You read Capital Confessions?”

“I do now.”

I didn’t need to say the rest; by the soft curve of her lips, she knew what I meant.

Because of her.

“Well, let’s just say that my mother also reads Capital Confessions, and she’s furious with me.” Her voice shook a bit, and I couldn’t tell if it was anger or the threat of impending tears that made her falter.

I just wanted to make her smile.

“Come on. Let’s grab coffee and go sit in my office.” I moved around the desk, grateful everyone else had finally cleared out. I nudged her with my shoulder. “I’ll even buy you coffee.”

“I thought we weren’t doing this.”

“Doing what?”

“Hanging out, unless it was related to school. Touching.”

I shoved my hands in my pockets, offering her my most innocent expression, one that had never really gotten a lot of use. “I promise to behave and keep my hands to myself at all times. Mouth, too.”

She flushed.

I knew she was right, but at the same time, we’d become friends of sorts. I liked that she could talk to me about things. And more than anything, I wanted to make her feel better.

“You look like you need someone to talk to. You’re having a shit day. Even I’m not enough of a bastard to take advantage of that,” I added.

She hesitated, and then nodded, and followed me out of the room.

Blair

I sat in Gray’s office, waiting while he picked up coffee for us.

I’d thought I’d feel uncomfortable considering how unresolved everything was between us, but I didn’t. Maybe it was the fact that we had shared secrets that made him feel like someone I could confide it. Or maybe it was the concern in his gaze. Either way, here I was.

I turned at the sound of the door closing.

Gray handed me a coffee from the cafe downstairs. I expected him to go to his desk chair, but instead he sat in the seat next to mine, taking a sip from his own coffee. We didn’t speak for a minute or two, the silence strangely calming.

“Better?”

I nodded. “Caffeine solves all ills.”

He laughed. “At least for law students.”

“Law students with finals coming up,” I added with a wince. To say I was terrified about exams would be putting it mildly.

“How are your classes going?”

I took a sip of the coffee, my fourth of the day. We were in that horrible period when professors started cramming material down our throats to make sure we covered everything we needed for the final. Or as Caitlin referred to it, “Why are we still learning things?”

Our last official day of classes was the Friday before Thanksgiving week, and then we had a few reading days, followed by exams the Monday after Thanksgiving.

“The usual. I’ve been going to tutoring and it’s helping a bit. Caitlin, Adam, and I formed a study group at the beginning of the semester. And I pretty much lived in the library over fall break.”

I hadn’t seen him around school; I wondered if he’d gone on vacation or back to Chicago.

He frowned. “Crossword Boy?”

I snorted as I made the connection, the coffee tickling my throat. “Is that what you call him?”

“Among other things,” he muttered.

I remembered the look on his face when Adam had touched me at the carnival.

“I told you I’m not interested in Adam like that.”

“I don’t think he got the hint.”

I shrugged. “He’s not my type.” Not anymore, at least.

A pause filled the air.

“Aren’t you going to ask what my type is?” I prodded.

If he wanted to go there by bringing up Adam, we’d go there. I wasn’t the one who kept taking one step forward and two steps back.

He shook his head, a smile playing at his lips. “You’re incorrigible, aren’t you?”