Fighting back a full blown panic attack, she moved to her feet and peeled the sleeping pup from her chest, thrusting Aspen into his arms. She wasn’t even aware she was talking, but a muffled version of her voice hummed in her ears. “I’ll make breakfast.”
“Carrie Ann,” he pleaded in a guttural voice. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she answered despondently, oblivious to the tears already gathering in her eyes. Refusing to be in his presence for a second longer, she stomped out the door barefoot. Tremors wracked her body and uncontrollable emotions spilled down her face. She could scarcely breathe.
“You’re not fine.”
The blood raging through her veins made it hard for her to hear him, but she sensed his presence at her side. Catching her by the arm, he spun her to face him. Face averted, she firmly pressed the tips of her fingers to the sockets of her eyes, smearing away the show of weakness.
“Yes, I am.” She wrapped the shirt tightly around her body, shrinking further into despair.
“I’m trying to be patient. I need to understand why you’re so mad. I don’t even know if you understand why you’re so pissed at me right now. The other night…”
One arm came around the small of her back. He cradled Aspen like a football between them. Summer bent his head and nuzzled his cheek near her temple. The heat of his breath tickled the shell of her ear. “Here, take her for a minute.”
Without reluctance, she unlinked her fingers, smoothly accepting the handoff. The back of his knuckles swept along her jaw and neck. She sucked in a sharp breathe of air feeling his strong fingers delve into her loose bun, releasing the long dark layers with one easy motion. Loose, wavy locks pooled around her shoulders.
He spoke against her hair, lips brushing her cheek. “Talk to me. Tell me what you want. I’ll do anything, Red.”
With every breath, her chest expanded, trying to fill her lungs. She wanted to tell him that he couldn’t fix her, that part of her was broken and gone forever, and that he’d never forgive her, but the words refused to come. Anxiety tightened its grip, holding her concessions hostage.
Summer’s lips wandered to the corner of her mouth, nudging and caressing. Warily, he eased his mouth over hers, as if asking for permission. She opened partially, timidly moving her mouth with his. Carrie Ann wanted to enjoy the kiss, the unbearable sweetness of his mouth, so much so that it perplexed her, but she couldn’t offer full consent. She was twisted up inside, torn by shame. Big tears rolled down her nose, gathering along the crease of their joined lips.
Tasting the saline, he pulled back. Agony and confusion furrowed between his brows.
“I know what you want, Summer. But I’m not the same woman anymore.”
“I don’t understand what that means. You desperately wanted to be that woman the other night. I know you feel for me…you fucking told me so a dozen times. What’s the issue? I know it’s not that guy, Jason. You’ve had relationships…I’ve had relationships…they didn’t matter. None of them!”
She pitched backward, bobbling out of his clutches. Summer took half a step back. His stance turned rigid, every muscle flexed with frustration. The desire in his eyes hit her with another jolt of sadness. Her heart throbbed painfully. She ached all over with desire. Carrie Ann knew he could have any woman he wanted. Countless threw themselves at him on a daily basis. She so badly wanted to say yes, but it would come with a cost. A payment of knowledge she couldn’t afford to disclose.
“I can’t do this. I just need some space, Summer.”
The stiffness in his posture yielded, his expression withdrawn. Words slipped out painfully from behind clenched teeth. “You’ve had your space for years.”
“Just because you want to give us another shot doesn’t mean it’s going to automatically happen. Life doesn’t work that way. We don’t always get what we want.”
“Don’t you dare try to turn this around. I know exactly how life works, Carrie Ann. I don’t need a fucking reminder.” Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he took a step toward her, piercing her with a hard stare. “And just because my career comes with a big bank account, doesn’t mean I have everything I want. I’ve scratched, I’ve clawed, I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am. Success, fame, fortune…none of it really matters. Because when I reached the top of the mountain I’m still not happy. What I want the most is something I have zero control over!” He threw his arms out, muscles cording. “Oddly enough, that’s one of the things I always loved most about you…your pig-headed tenacity! But, right now it’s beginning to piss me off.”
Her lids fluttered in a fast blink.
“You want more space? Fine.” Summer shoved his hands back into his pockets. Heading for the cabin he murmured, “I must be crazy. A fucking idiot for torturing myself like this.”
Slow to move, she stood there stroking Aspen’s soft coat. Carrie Ann waited until he disappeared inside before retreating to her room for a shower. A veil of hot water cascaded over her shoulder, easing the pangs of remorse shooting through her. Throwing on a pair of boyfriend-cut jeans and a sweater, she took advantage of his “blend” time and snuck into the living room to retrieve her book.
Apparently she wasn’t near as stealth-like as she thought because he called out in a brusque, grumpy voice, “Help yourself. Fire is still burning in the barn if you plan on keeping warm.”
The slamming of the door drowned out any further complaints he spewed under his breath.
“I think he’s pissed.” Carrie Ann lifted the puppy’s face to hers. Her paws had barely touched the floor since she’d been accosted by the porcupine. “What do you think?”
Aspen answered with a slurp of the tongue right on Carrie Ann’s mouth.
“Ewww.”
Passing on breakfast, she poured a big cup of Joe and meandered back to the barn. A bottle of whiskey and Baileys sat atop the bar, so she added a substantial shot of each, giving it a stir with her index finger. She took a sip of the creamy goodness. Almost perfect. Rummaging behind the bar, she sorted through bottles until she found Kahlua. Just a splash added the perfect punch of extra coffee flavor.
Carrie Ann settled in beside the roaring fire, spending most of the day reading. Finding down time in her crazy schedule had become nearly impossible the last few years. A relaxing vacation still included a laptop, cellphone, and unlimited data. She found it compulsively necessary to check emails and messages daily. And what would a vacation be without posting fun-filled moments over social media. At some point during Chapter Twelve she found herself so entranced in the story, she wiggled in her seat holding a pee, not wanting to put the book down. Clinging to the pages, sitting on the toilet, it occurred to her that she hadn’t even so much as given modern technology a thought since climbing out of bed the first day.
Summer’d been nonexistent the entire afternoon. She stoked the fire, adding a few logs every hour or so and took Aspen for a few walks. All the while holding the book of course. After a few hours, she considered checking on him until she heard another round of axing and chopping, pummeling through a long grind of wood splitting.
It was late in the day when he decided to join her. Fresh from the shower, his hair still silky and wet. A rocks glass dangled from his fingers, sinking into the other end of the sofa.
“You plan on living up here during the winter?” she asked.
He slid her a questioning glance. The fire shed a glow of warmth across his tan skin.
“All that firewood you’ve been chopping…I thought maybe you were going to brave a Montana winter.”
Anything else she said would’ve bolstered an argument. The tense energy surrounding him, softened. He drew a full blown sexy grin behind the rim of his glass. “Well, I have to take my frustrations out on something, Red. Would you prefer…”