Who was he?

He lost that chance. He doesn’t get to be named or have anything told about him except the one part that matters, that he let everything just die in less than a minute. That’s all you need to know about him.

That’s real helpful. The daddy-minute. It explains so much.

It explains everything. It explains the truth about men, the truth that they care only about themselves. And you’re no different. I thought maybe you’d be different. That’s what I hoped.

This is all such self-serving crap. You should fucking listen to yourself.

That’s right. Straight to the fuck words. All violence. That’s who men are.

Fuck you.

Yeah. Fuck your mother. A favorite insult. But I’m not letting you take this away from me. I’m here to tell you a story.

Once upon a time.

That’s right. Once upon a time. Because it was a fairy tale. I believed you could be good.

Galen hated this conversation so much.

I spent all my time with you. All my time, for years. I helped you learn each word. Just think about that for a minute. I helped you learn every single word that you know.

Galen tried to focus on his exhales, tried to calm.

I helped you learn every sound. How an s sounds, how a z sounds. How a p is different from a b.

Well thanks, Galen said. If that’s what you’re looking for, thanks for all the instruction.

Shut up. You need to listen. Today you only listen.

Fuck that.

You’re going to listen today, because I’ve made a decision, and you need to know what this decision is. And I want you to really understand it. I want you to know why I made it.

Well let’s just get to it, then. What’s the decision?

No. I want you to understand first.

Fuck me.

That’s right. Look at it however you need to. But shut up and let me finish.

Fine. Do tell.

Where was I? She put her teacup down, put her palms flat on the table, looking at her hands. Okay. I watched how every expression developed. How you laughed and forgot to laugh, how you smiled and how that smile twisted up and changed, how your temper and crying became your anger, although I have to admit, I don’t really understand your anger. Your anger is something foreign, something I can’t see coming. Your anger is part of how you’re no longer mine.

So you’re only claiming the good parts?

No. I’m just tracing things. And there’s a gap there. And it’s the gaps that make you someone I can’t be with anymore.

Is that the decision?

No. It’s related. Maybe it is the decision, actually. Maybe that’s the fundamental thing, that I just don’t want you in my life anymore, but it’s not the decision I need to tell you about now.

Well about fucking time.

There’s more I need to explain. I haven’t even started, really. Because you’re going to be angry, and you’re going to feel betrayed, and you’re going to believe it’s unfair, and you’re going to think it’s about me and not about you. But I want you to understand. And I need you to know that it really is about you.

This is driving me crazy. You really are crazy.

No I’m not. And you won’t call me crazy again.

Crazyland, Galen said. That’s where you’ve lived for a while now. Look at you with your fucking afternoon tea and sandwiches. Think for a second about who else plays make-believe all day. Who is it who plays make-believe all day?

I’m not going to let you distract me.

Think about it. Children play make-believe all day, but who else does that? What adults do that, and where do they all live together?

Galen’s mother looked up at him finally. That’s been your gift to me, she said. To call me crazy.

The nut farm. You grew up on one kind of nut farm, but now you’re ready to live in a different kind of nut farm. Galen liked this idea, but he stopped, because he didn’t really like to see his mother hurt. That was always the problem. She deserved to be treated worse, but he could never do it.

I’m going to live right here, she said. But you’re not.

Is that the decision?

No.

Throwing me out on the street, like you were threatening at the cabin? Even though you’ve been taken care of your whole life?

Let me continue, she said. I’m trying to tell you that I loved you. I loved you your whole life, and I tried.

You were my mother. That’s what you were supposed to do.

You don’t understand anything.

No one made you have me.

She shook her head. I’m not going to let you do this to me.

Yeah, because I’m doing such awful things to you right now. I’m the one making threats, saying I’ve made some kind of life-changing decision.

I tried even when you became like this, even when everything you did was ugly. I tried to still love you. I tried to forgive you. I tried to let you become whatever you needed to become, even if that meant you lived at home all your life.

Like you have.

Let me finish.

You don’t get to finish if everything you say is crazy. I only have to listen if what you say is reasonable. I don’t have to listen if it’s crazy talk.

I hate you. I hate you so much.

Fine, he said. He dropped his two figs and climbed down out of the tree. That’s great. You’re a great mother. You’ve really improved on things from your past, just like you wanted to.

Galen’s mother was crying without sound, in great hiccups of breath. She could hardly speak. I shouldn’t hate my own child, she said. I know that. But I hate you.

Well you won’t have to see me anymore. I’m moving out to the room above the shed.

Galen’s mother began to smile. It was the strangest thing. She was still crying, but she began to smile. She sucked in breath, and what she did was laugh. Instead of crying, she was laughing at him.

What? he asked.

You don’t understand, she said. You have no idea.

Well stupid me, then. You’ve been so clear.

She was smiling. You think you can just move out to the shed, and that’s going to be it.

Yeah. I’m moving to the shed. You’re not going to see me, but you’re going to give me money for school and food and other things, too. You’re going to stop fucking up my life.

The shed is not where you’re going, she said.

I’m moving my stuff right now. He began walking toward the house.

You’re going to prison.

Galen stopped. He had this feeling of heat rising all through him. Did you just say prison?

Yes. Prison.

How am I going to prison?

Statutory rape.

That’s ridiculous.

Your cousin is seventeen. You’re twenty-two. Even if she weren’t your cousin, it would be statutory rape. And since she’s your cousin, it may be incest, also. We’ll have to see.

This is too stupid. I’m not even talking about this. This is what I mean by crazyland. He kept walking toward the house, and it seemed farther than before. It felt like the lawn fell away to either side of him. He was left to walk on a kind of narrow bridge of lawn to the pantry door, and then he was inside the house and safe. He walked quickly through the kitchen to the stairs and up to his room, where he took the duffel that was still packed and hefted it over his shoulder.

His mother was on the stairs. I’m going to be the witness, she said. And I brought the top blanket, the blanket that has both of you on it. I brought that as evidence.

You collected evidence?

That’s right. So even if you and she both deny it, I have evidence. And you haven’t had a shower, so you’re evidence, also. And she hasn’t had a shower.

You’re insane.

I just want you to know that I’ve loved you all your life, but I have to stop you now. I have to do the right thing. And I have to let you know, also, that I can’t visit you in prison. I can’t go there. I can’t have that become a part of my life.

You’ve thought about this.

Yes.

You’ve thought about it all the way up to me being in prison and you not visiting.