“Thank you for making the hardest day in my life into something I will never forget.”
December 16th.
I knew the day all too well.
The lump in my throat disabled my ability to speak so I held onto her for dear life as the water around us cooled. I held her as I knew her memories were coming in thick and fast; I held her for my memories of a fateful day that had stuck with me as a constant reminder and I held her for a secret that I knew I had to admit sooner rather than later.
“Are you hungry?” I said softly against her neck once the water had completely cooled.
“Mmhmm.”
“Let’s get changed and get some food.”
We walked out of the bathroom once we dried off and put on our sweats then made our way to the kitchen hand in hand.
“I made some spaghetti; it’s a recipe that I stole from Mom.” I grabbed a spoon and dipped it into the red sauce giving off the strong aroma of fresh tomatoes and garlic.
“Oh my God, that is delicious,” she groaned and licked her lips savoring the taste. “I’d ask you to cook this every night if it didn’t mean that I’d put on a hundred pounds.”
I loved playful Eden, and it seemed like she was the one who came out after sex and I loved it.
“I could make it low fat if you were really that desperate.”
“Ky Crawford, did you just insinuate that I had a weight problem?”
“Never! I love every single curve of your body.”
I grabbed her around the waist and she squealed as I lifted her from her feet and placed her on the counter. The bubbling of the spaghetti matched the bubbling of tension in the kitchen.
“You are crazy,” she whispered.
“Maybe a little, but that’s what you like about me, isn’t it? Or is it the way I kiss you or maybe it’s the way I make love to you?”
I reached behind her and pulled out the pins holding her hair in place and with steady fingers I ran through her hair separating the clumps so it fell perfectly over her shoulders.
“Your crazy is what got my attention in the first place, and you know I enjoy your kisses, and well, you know what else.”
“You can say it,” I whispered and moved in closer. “I want to hear you say it.”
“When you—” she inhaled sharply, and I watched as her eyes moistened with emotion “—made love to me.”
“We are going to do that again you know. It’s not just a one-time thing. I want you in my bed all the time; I want to fall asleep beside you and wake up with you in my arms. None of this separate room bullshit. I want you for as long as I can have you.”
“You don’t frighten me anymore,” she admitted so softly that I almost missed her confession.
Now it was my time to watch her. This kind of honesty was so unheard of from Eden and something that I hadn’t been lucky enough to witness yet. I never knew how she felt about whatever this was between us, because she had locked it away and hidden the key.
“Babe, I’ve got to admit you frighten the hell out of me,” I replied with complete honesty.
She shifted ever so slightly on the counter and leaned forward, dropping her forehead to my shoulder. It was the first time that she had initiated any intimate physical contact between us, and I savored every moment. This was pure contentment but a frightening reality. My heart was thrusting itself at her to run with it, and she was slowly breaking down her walls and showing herself to me. And while I was savoring every moment, I was well aware that I couldn’t believe that anything could come of this. I had asked for one month, and that’s all she was giving me.
When she pulled away her eyes roamed over my face and she placed one solitary kiss on my lips before turning toward the pot of spaghetti and giving it a stir.
Twenty minutes later we had eaten; Eden had groaned her way through the spaghetti and every time she did my cock woke. She was an evil mistress. I watched her closely as she washed the dishes. When she was done, she threw the dish cloth on the counter and turned toward the living room. I was busted checking her out. Her lips twisted into that innocent smile that set me alight, and I patted the couch beside me. The way her hips swayed when she walked toward me made even the best supermodels in the world look like amateurs.
“Why are looking at me like that?”
“Do you want the honest Ky response or the trying not to make Eden uncomfortable Ky response?”
“Well I seem to be getting honest Ky these days so lay it on me.”
She took a seat beside me, sitting so her body was in front of mine. Her legs folded beneath her as she looked back expectantly.
“You are sexy Eden, and I love the fact that you are so oblivious to it. Every time you walk into the room I just want to kiss you and taste you and devour you. You have completely and utterly got under my skin and that was never my intention when I first decided on this crazy agreement.”
“Can I be honest with you?”
I nodded.
“I’m still confused with why you actually wanted to do this in the first place. I was never receptive to you; I tried everything to stay away from you, but somehow you were just always there.”
I swallowed hard at her question. I had no idea what she was expecting to hear. The longer this went on, the harder it was to remember my intentions when I came up with this crazy scenario. My goal was still dancing in the grey, whereas some would say that it was black and white. Was it selfish? Probably. Was it an asshole move? It could be seen like that.
“The first time I saw you all I wanted was to know you. It wasn’t about being physical with you when it started. I just wanted you. My urge to protect you and keep you safe could even be considered insane.”
I held my breath as I watched her take in my words. I didn’t want any more questions. I couldn’t deal with any other questions.
“I like the way you protect me.”
I couldn’t have asked for anything else and protect I would.
••••
The past couple of days had been horrendous. I worked from sunrise to sunset and my time with Eden was limited to coffee catch–ups, late dinners, and stolen kisses. No matter how busy I was, my mind would always be filled with her.
I couldn’t deny my feelings for her any longer. It would be like denying a starving man food. I wanted her, I wanted her in every sense of the word. Eden Rivers was a new beginning, a closing door to my own battles, the injection in my heart that made it beat with life again. She was my first thought in the morning, and my last goodnight at the end of the day. She was my brutal reminder of a life that could be. Her nightmares had diminished, but I knew exactly when her thoughts became too much, and the exact moment when they would constrict around her, squeezing the life out of her. She would sink into an impenetrable silence and grip hold of my body so hard that I could barely breathe. I never spoke during that time and simply offered my body for her protection. It was during those times that I felt the weakest.
The more time I spent with her, the more I couldn’t imagine not having her around. Every time I was with her something came alive within me. She was the catalyst that lit up the darkest parts of me and for that I would be forever grateful.
I saw a change in her every day. She was becoming stronger and less fearful; she was becoming the person that I knew she wished she could return to. It made this easier, knowing that it was happening, and that I was playing a part in this. It somehow made me forget everything that I needed to redeem; it made me think that maybe this wasn’t just helping her but in some fucked-up way it was helping me.
Tonight was my annual end of year drinks with friends where I would supply them with booze, food, and my place to destroy. It was almost like my apology for being so distant throughout the year and not accepting invites because of my work schedule. Tonight would be different though—tonight Eden would be here.