“I was having such an amazing time—dancing, beer shots, laughing, and general fun with my friends. The feeling of someone watching me never left and although it made me feel uncomfortable, I didn’t think anything of it. The room was jam packed with people and it was so hot in there even though it was freezing outside. It got to the point that the air was so thick that you could barely breathe so I walked outside to get some fresh air. That’s where he approached me. He said all the right things; he made me feel comfortable; he made me laugh; he offered me his jacket and then asked if I could help him get more alcohol for the party. Of course I said I’d help, he gave me no reason to say no, and I didn’t think anything of it.”
I slammed my eyes shut as I was taken back to that devastating moment. I had been so stupid, so trusting, so innocent. My skin began to crawl as Jeremey Davis seeped back into my thoughts. I couldn’t let him win, and I knew talking about this would somehow allow me find some ounce of strength and make me feel like maybe I could finally begin to win.
“As soon as we left the safety of the house, he changed. He grabbed my arm so rough, so forcefully, that I remember knowing that it would bruise. I wish that had been the least of my worries. He pulled me through the grounds toward the dorms, and he barely said a word to me. I could hardly keep up with his stride and that’s when I began to struggle; I knew I had to fight but the more I fought, the more violent he got.
“He dragged me into his room, and the moment I said no to him it was like it was his role to punish me. The first time he hit me, I was stunned. I remember the taste of blood in my mouth. I think I was shocked more than anything. I couldn’t believe that was happening to me. I remember screaming no and scratching at his face but that was the worst decision in my life because after that he became unhuman; I watched the humanity leave his body because I had said no. My biggest mistake was saying no because after I did, he raped me. He made it his right to take everything he wanted from me. He took my virginity, my voice, my respect, and my contentment. Everything. I will never forget that feeling. People say that you can’t remember pain, but I will never forget it. I tried to take myself away, to escape in my mind to a peaceful place, but every time I closed my eyes he would hit me and bring me back to that nightmare. I thought I was dying; I remember tasting blood; my eye swelled shut and my jaw felt like it was barely hanging on. Hit after hit he gave me while he raped me over and over again.”
By now tears flooded my face and my chest felt like it was constricting. Ky hadn’t said a word. I finally looked at him and found his face void of any emotion, a blank canvas, yet his knuckles were screaming bright white from gripping hold of the cushion in his lap. I sobbed loudly, gasping for a desperate breath and looked to the ceiling desperate to find some strength to continue.
“I don’t know what happened after that. I woke up to the smell of disinfectant and my mom sobbing beside me. I was in the hospital. From that day forward I was never the same again. I was in the hospital for a week before I discharged myself. I went straight to my parents’ house, packed up as much as I could, then I escaped. I couldn’t be here. San Francisco was my destination. I stayed in a hotel when I moved there until I saw the ad for a room, so within two days of being there I found a new house, a new friend, and a life where no one knew anything about me. I couldn’t be Eden Rivers anymore.”
I didn’t know what I was expecting to feel; I didn’t know what I expected Ky to do. We sat there, not moving, not speaking, the only sound was my quiet sobs as I tried to find calm in the storm that was rumbling within me. It hurt, every part of me hurt from reliving that but I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders being able to tell it to someone that wasn’t involved. Ky remained frozen and watched me so closely. It seemed like he was completely shutting down, and his face gave me no clue as to what was going through his thoughts. After what seemed like a lifetime, he uncurled his body and stood from the couch; his eyes never leaving me.
He held both hands out to me and waited. I grabbed his offered hands and was pulled from the couch until I was standing before him. My breath escaped my lungs as Ky pulled me to his chest. His strong arms encased my body, wrapping me with warmth and offering me protection and the soothing beats of his heart.
It was everything I needed.
There was nothing I could have done to prepare myself for what Eden told me. Hearing her relive her torment and watching her face twist as memories ambushed her ripped my heart to shreds. What could I possibly do or say that would ease her pain? A fury that I never knew existed coursed through my veins with every word she spoke and with every admission of her nightmare I wanted to kill that man with my bare hands.
As I held her in my arms, my thoughts went into overdrive. I believed my protective instinct of her was already bordering on insane, but now it was beyond anything I had experienced before. My mission was now simple. I would do everything in my power to make her see that life could once again be filled with beautiful and life altering moments and I planned on helping her create memories that would diminish the nightmares plaguing her life.
My arms ran down her body and I lifted her still trembling body into my arms. She gave no resistance. Eden curled into my chest, her head resting so tenderly over my heart, allowing me to get lost in the scent of her coconut shampoo and within seconds, her arms locked tightly around my body. Moving out of the living room, I moved slowly through the apartment until we reached my bedroom. I placed her gently on the foot of the bed and once she had unlocked herself from my body she crawled backwards until she sat up near the pillows with her legs pulled up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees as if she was protecting herself.
I lowered myself onto the edge of the bed and turned my back to her. My head dropped into my hands, and I breathed deeply as a wildfire of anger roared within me.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion as I desperately tried to get the thoughts I had locked away for so many years out of my head. I was sorrier than she could ever know, I wish I had the balls to admit every fucking thing right there but how could I possibly start that kind of conversation. My life was full of regrets when it came to Eden Rivers, and she didn’t have a clue. “I am so fucking sorry.”
The feeling of her hand resting on my back caused me to stiffen under her delicate touch. I fought for the last ounce of strength I could muster in my exhausted body and turned back to look at her. Her tears had faded, leaving the tiniest streak of mascara on her cheeks, but it was her gaze that destroyed me. This girl had just relived her worst nightmare, she had spoken of so much tragedy yet here she was looking at me like she was more concerned about my feelings, whether I was okay instead of her. This was not how I had imagined today. Fuck, we had only been awake for a couple of hours and now I felt more exhausted than I had in a long time.
“You are so special Eden. Your strength is beyond anything I’ve ever witnessed.” My hands cupped her cheeks and her eyes connected with mine as we took each other in. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
“Life hasn’t been easy for me Ky. It’s torn me apart, ripped me to shreds, and sometimes I’ve wondered what’s the point? But then I dip my toes in the ocean, I feel the wind sweep through my hair, I smell the arrival of rain, and it reminds me that I am alive. I was put on this earth for a reason. I was born strong enough to overcome this, no matter how long it takes me.”