“What’s going on?” Steve asked.

Logan tensed. All he needed was for his entire band to know he’d defiled a virgin and was now hiding from her in his bunk.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dare said.

Logan was one hundred percent certain that Dare was being tight-lipped for Toni’s sake, not his. Logan rolled onto his side and stared at the wall. Things were going to become mighty uncomfortable on this bus if he didn’t set them right. He had no fucking clue how to do that.

May 2

Dear Journal,

Today didn’t go exactly as planned. Apparently the band wasn’t expecting me and for a while there, I wasn’t sure I was going to get to start the book, much less finish it. But after they straightened it out with their manager and Max admitted that he had known I was coming, I was allowed on the bus and even got some really good material when they ran to interact with their fans behind the stadium.

I can’t express how excited I am to be involved with their book. They are all so cool.

Okay, first impressions of the guys.

Maximillian Richardson or Max. He’s surprisingly calm. I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess watching all that high-energy concert footage gave me a mistaken perception of him. But of the four guys, he definitely seems to be the most . . . What’s a good way to describe him? Professional? I guess that’s the right word. He’s also incredibly gorgeous—especially his ass. Lordie! But he doesn’t look like a rocker the way the rest of them do. I could easily imagine him as a high-profile CEO in a tailored Armani suit. I wonder why he chose to become the singer of a metal band. I need to make sure I ask him that for the book.

Darren Mills or Dare. This guy has presence. You can’t help but notice him. It’s as if a strange gravitational force surrounds him and sucks all attention right to him. The weird thing is, he doesn’t seem to do anything consciously. He’s not trying to be the center of attention, he just is. He’s another one who is knockout gorgeous—honestly, they are all. But he 100 percent looks the rock star part. As if he was born to play the guitar and have millions of fans. Maybe it’s the hair. It’s jet black and barely touches his shoulders, but I don’t think there are many men who could pull off that length. I’m totally jealous of how silky smooth it is, like rich black satin. I need to ask him what conditioner he uses. Maybe it would calm my rat’s nest. And he has the most gorgeous green eyes.

Steve Aimes seems like a lot of fun. A bit of a jokester. Energetic. From what I can tell, he really likes women. Really likes women. He’s really good looking too. Especially his abs. Oh my God, he has an eight-pack. I thought my eyes were going to fall out of their sockets from staring at them so long. Haha!

Logan Schmidt. I’m not sure I get him at all. Even if he did take my virginity. I still can’t believe it happened, but I’ll get to that story later. I still haven’t fully processed it yet. Logan doesn’t seem to take anything seriously. He’s this happy-go-lucky kind of guy with a great smile, and he has these amazing blue eyes that seem to stare right into your soul and thick wavy hair that is probably really curly if he doesn’t tame it. He also seems to use good hair products.

Note to self: Go to the salon.

Logan reminds me of a surfer dude. He’s very tanned—except for where shorts would be—and he’s pretty pale down there (yes, I checked when I had the chance!)—but it’s not an artificial tan. He looks like he spends a lot of time outdoors. I wonder if he likes to play sports. Everyone knows I suck at sports.

Speaking of things I suck at, we can add sex to that list. Logan said it himself. I heard him telling the guys that it wasn’t very good. And what he said hurt, but what hurt worse was I know he’s right. I’m not good at it. I assume other people know what to do and how to behave their first time, but I was so nervous and awkward. I’m surprised he was even turned on enough to finish. I’m so glad he did, though. At least I can say I made him come. Or maybe he made himself come. I didn’t do much but lie there and moan.

I would like to try sex again. Maybe next time I won’t be so weird, and surely it can’t hurt as bad the second time as it does the first. I thought my hymen was going to kill me. Literally. And I got blood everywhere. It was so embarrassing to ask for peroxide to clean the blood off the sofa, but the stain is gone. I turned the cushion over to hide the wet spot.

I think Dare might have figured out that I was a virgin.

And all the guys know I had sex with Logan after knowing him only an hour, so I can imagine what they think of me.

For the first time in my life I’m labeled a slut.

Why am I okay with that?

I guess what’s done is done. I wouldn’t take any of it back.

Except the part where I wasn’t any good at it. Maybe I should take lessons. Haha!

I think I ruined any chance I had with Logan. I really do like him. So maybe we can be friends.

Did I really just write that?

To be honest, I don’t want to be just friends. I’d much rather be his lover.

Every guy I’ve ever liked has only wanted to be friends and nothing more. Why can’t I have more? Is that too much to ask?

How do I get him to like me? Maybe I should go against my promises to Dad and dress less appropriately.

I dunno.

None of this nonsense I’m writing here will make it into the book, of course. Can you imagine? If my mother read it, she’d have a coronary. She’s probably having a coronary right now because I didn’t call to let her know I made it to the bus. I’m too emotional to deal with Mom tonight. Maybe I’ll call her tomorrow.

I did check my phone for messages and found Susan had already texted me. She asked if I was ready to come home. I didn’t bother responding. I guess I understand why she doesn’t like me—she really wanted this job—but her reasons don’t make her stinging words any easier to take. Julian also texted—fifteen messages—starting with are you still a virgin followed by how about now over and over again. So I texted back no. To which he replied I don’t believe you. What a jackass!

Oh, I almost forgot. I saw Reagan Elliot, but didn’t actually get to meet her. She seemed more interested in hanging out on Sinners’ tour bus. I thought it was a little strange that she took one of the security guards with her. And based on something Dare said, it sounded as if she was intimate with him. And with Trey Mills. I guess she’s cheating on Trey. I can’t imagine why she would do that. Have you seen Trey Mills? If he were mine, I sure wouldn’t cheat on him. But maybe I’m wrong. I’ll be sure to listen for clues if I get to spend any time around her tomorrow.

Now that I’m back here by myself and not distracted by all those virile males, I do miss Birdie. If I were home, I’d be reading her a book right about now. I hope Mom is taking good care of her. I’m sure she’s fine.

I’d better try to sleep now since tomorrow will be a busy day. I can’t wait to get more stuff for the book! That’s what I need to concentrate on. Not my attraction to Logan. Or being terrible at sex. Or anything else. I’m here to do a job and I plan to do it well.

Goodnight, Journal. I’m glad you’re here to listen to my silly problems.

Signed,

No-longer-a-virgin,

Toni

Five

Toni’s eyes shot open. Something had touched her hair. She could make out unfamiliar shadows in her dimly lit surroundings, but this was not her bedroom. Where was she?

A figure lurked over her, sitting in the space above the top of her head. Toni’s entire body tensed. Too terrified to move, she held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut.