In his own way, Merian was much concerned with the same thing, as he uncorked a cordial in the parlor and poured the spirits into glasses for each of them. “Temperance is the best way to go with this stuff,” he said, giving out the glasses. “But I tend to think that of most things.”
Magnus sipped at the spirits carefully, being still distrustful of their effect in any amount. Purchase, when he received his glass, emptied it in two great swallows and set it on the table beside himself without self-consciousness.
“Are you sure you haven’t had a drink already today?” Merian asked him. “That’s no way to act in your mother’s house.”
“I’m sorry,” Purchase said. “I forgot myself.”
“Well, why don’t you tell me what has been going on with you lately that has you forgetting yourself. How is your trade?”
“The same as always,” he answered laconically, without offering any elaboration.
“It is never the same. Magnus, why is Purchase acting so possessed?”
When Purchase heard that word it set off in him the worry that he actually was under an unnatural influence. He glowered at Magnus to see if he would betray him.
Magnus was not one to trust authority with any information they did not already have in their keep, but his concern for Purchase was strong enough that he thought about giving him away right then and there.
“I don’t know,” he answered at last, deciding that lying to Merian might give him more influence to help Purchase right his own course instead of the old man trying to fix it.
“Whatever it is, you had better get it under control,” Merian said, taking away the bottle. “Otherwise I fear you might lose your way. You always have been one to wander, but as you get older the danger from that is worse and worse,” he concluded. “You’ll tell me if you need help getting it back under control?” he asked, to let him know it was all right to do so. “The thing for both of you,” he went on, “is to start thinking of marrying someone to help hold you upright in all of this, because sometimes I fear it is too difficult for any one of us to do alone.”
Purchase and Magnus both nodded, and it pleased Merian a great deal that they listened to him so thoughtfully. As if to prove the effect of his advice, very soon after this speech in the parlor Magnus did become involved with a woman — even if it did not lead straightaway to respectable marriage. Purchase, though, he was bent on the dangerous course he had fallen onto and was soon lost to it entirely.
He slept very poorly that night, tossing under his blanket as he tried to put the woman out of his mind. He knew well that no welcome end would follow from his desires if he did not master them. In the middle of the night, still unable to sleep, he got up and went to the front porch for air. It was late October and already the frost came in at night, making everything before him sharp in the moonlight from the shards of crystal that clung to the grass and foliage. His own breath rose on the blue darkness in front of his face, and he placed his hand in front of it to feel the fleeting warmth, then rubbed both hands together. He was happy for this moment alone. He found, however, he could not concentrate on any one thought, but everything went scattering before his focus and examination until there was nothing but the diffuse desire for what he knew he should not want or, if wanting were no crime in itself, what he should not do.
He stayed sitting in a corner of the porch until he was everywhere numb from the air and his brain had stopped its overactivity. When he stood and went back to his bed, he lay down and found there was no thought of anything else except the woman. This time, though, when he tried to sleep the thought of her was warming to him and he drifted off with a mirthful smile on his face.
He woke the next morning unhappy again and soon after breakfast went to his workshop, where he was in the foulest of moods all day. The other smiths and assistants avoided him as he worked with his tools irritably. After supper he was unable to bear his anguish anymore and saddled his horse to go off in search of her.
Five days later he found her back with her husband, leading a meeting in Columbus County. It was much like the one that had taken place near Stonehouses, with the tent pitched in a field and congregants come from all around to hear what they had to say. When the healing chair was put out, Purchase could not control himself and went and stood in front of it, but he did not sit down this time. He only looked at Mary Josepha as she went through the pantomime of releasing people from their aches and demons.
Oswin, the Englishman, smoldered at him from the pulpit, but when Purchase moved away it was of his own accord, as nothing in the world would have been able to move him otherwise. All his strength had gone over to the thing that afflicted him. He was sick with love.
After the meeting she was gone very quickly with the Englishman, but Purchase pursued them and showed up at every one of their revivals until he could have given Palmer’s sermon himself. Once the Englishman even fired a shot at him, telling him he knew how to handle his sort. This was in Bladen County, when he saw him on the road behind their carriage, but Purchase escaped unharmed. Nor did he see it as his business to argue further with the husband, as the only talking he wished for was with the wife.
It was in Georgia that he finally persuaded her to come off with him again. She and her husband had done their preaching that day to a crowd that was mostly slaves but receptive to the message they were sharing. When she looked out and saw Purchase standing at the back of the tent she nodded to him, as if it had been her intention all along to wait five weeks then come to him again.
He did not know what her nod meant, for she had refused to speak to him the entire time of his pursuit, and, as the crowd dispersed after the sermon he was still half surprised when he turned and saw her standing there behind him.
“Are you ready?” she asked.
He nodded and led her to where his horse was and put her upon it. Once he had her he galloped off, with a quick pacing heart, and all want pressed against him from the inside out.
They stopped in a pine stand and slept that night out-of-doors. It was late November and the days still held a little of their autumn warmth, but at night there was nothing deceptive about which time of year it was, and the two of them bundled tight as a single coil of hair all the night long.
When he woke in the morning it was because he no longer felt her under his outstretched arm. He opened his eyes in the half gray of a clouded dawn and found no sign of her, but for another of the little keep-sake coins she had left before.
They had been so rapt in each other’s arms he had not even asked her why she changed her mind and came to him, but he thought it must have been his steadfast presence that persuaded her. There on the cold damp ground, with pine needles prickling the side of his face, Purchase felt like a born idiot. She must have had a falling out with her Englishman and only taken him for revenge on the other.
For his own part he could not answer why he behaved as he did, but that it had gotten beyond his ability to govern his own actions. When he realized this he felt a deep penetrating shame that, more than her drumming his emotions and hoaxing him, brought him close to tears. This in its turn increased his shame and he grew angry with himself, as something hard and dark turned over inside of him — showing a burning underbelly that shone in his eyes as he rose that morning and went off again in search of her.
That he should get back to his people he had no doubt, but he was lost to them as he was to himself, thinking only how he would keep the woman from leaving once he had her back.