It just wasn’t fair. He might make it to the palace only to drop dead.
Whatever happened, he was going to make sure that they all got there safely, though. His kids. Even if it was the last thing he did. He had to focus on that and not brood over anything else. He was responsible for this lot and he wasn’t going to let them down.
He needed to take his mind off his injury. He saw Freak, trudging along, head down, staring at the ground, his hood pulled forward to cover as much of his face as possible.
‘You all right, mate?’ he asked. Freak grunted. Could have been yes or no.
‘D’you mind leaving the shop?’
Freak shrugged. Since he’d gone crazy in the battle last night he’d slipped back to being silent and moody.
‘There wasn’t anything more you could have done,’ said Arran kindly. ‘Even if we had got Deke away from there. He had glass in his side. His lung was punctured.’
‘I know,’ said Freak. ‘I just miss him, is all. He used to make me laugh. Nothing else did. He made me forget all this.’
‘If I knew any jokes I’d tell you one,’ said Arran.
‘Don’t bother, mate, you’re terrible at telling jokes.’
‘Yeah, I know,’ said Arran. ‘Always have been. Luckily I was good at football so it didn’t matter. That’s what I’d really like to do, you know, play football again. First thing when we get there, I’m going to set up a game. You’ll play, won’t you?’
‘If we get there.’
‘We’ll get there,’ said Arran.
‘I wish I had your confidence,’ said Freak bitterly.
Arran said nothing. He might have fooled Freak, but he wasn’t fooling himself. So far they’d seen no signs of any life at all, but he doubted it would stay that way. They’d definitely be having to deal with grown-ups somewhere along the way. The image of the mother at the pool – his mother? – came unwanted into his head again.
‘It’s not my mother,’ he said without meaning to.
‘You what?’ Freak gave him a puzzled look.
‘Nothing,’ said Arran and he pressed a palm against his hot temple.
‘Listen, Freak,’ he went on. ‘This might be tough, getting there and all, and we’re going to need all the help we can get. You walking along like that, looking like crap, it’s going to make the little kids scared. Be tough for them, yeah?’
Freak raised his head and stared at Arran.
‘How did it end up like this?’ he said. ‘We’re just kids ourselves.’
‘It just happened,’ said Arran. ‘Let’s not try to figure it out, eh, Freak?’
‘I dunno.’
Arran unslung his backpack and opened it.
‘Here,’ he said. ‘I got something for you. I was waiting for the right moment. I guess this moment is as good as any.’ He pulled out a can of spray paint. Freak’s eyes went wide.
‘Where’d you get that?’ he said.
‘I found it when I was clearing out Waitrose ready to leave. It was packed away in the back of a cupboard. Dunno who put it there.’
‘You got any more?’
‘I got five, mate. Black, white, red, yellow and silver.’ He passed one to Freak who rattled it.
‘Still half full.’
Arran handed over the other four cans and Freak stashed them in his own backpack.
‘Maybe if you can spray your tag somewhere – Freaky-Deaky – it’ll sort of keep Deke alive. Write in big letters “Deke lives”, or something. Don’t let them win. The grown-ups.’
Freak pushed his hood back off his head and walked straighter and taller. ‘Arran?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Don’t worry.’ Freak put a hand on Arran’s shoulder. ‘I’m with you all the way, man.’
‘Thanks.’
Jester came over, his big mouth stretched into a tooth-filled grin.
‘This is going to be so much easier than getting here,’ he said.
‘I hope so,’ said Arran.
‘It will be, you’ll see. You guys know how to look after yourselves.’
Arran’s stomach clenched and he felt suddenly sick. He couldn’t speak for a moment, but Jester filled the silence.
‘Something I want to know,’ he said. ‘How come you all ended up living in Waitrose?’
‘It just sort of happened,’ said Arran. ‘I don’t know who got there first. But we all turned up looking for food.’
‘And was there any?’
‘Some. Amazingly. I think they’d stored up emergency supplies. There was stuff out of the way in freezers and upstairs in the storerooms. We had to break some locks, but we got to it all in the end. Same thing happened in Morrisons. There was nothing fresh, of course, no fruit or veg or fresh meat, but there was tinned stuff, and other useful things like candles and string and knives and batteries and I don’t know…’
‘No soap,’ said Jester.
‘Yeah, there was soap.’
‘Shame you didn’t use any of it.’
Arran looked at Jester; his smile was even wider than before.
‘What are you saying?’
‘No offence and all,’ said Jester. ‘But you lot stink. You probably don’t notice it, living there all the time, but I’m telling you, it’s a relief to get out of that shop.’ He held his nose theatrically and screwed up his face.
‘We wash when we can,’ said Arran. ‘There were bathrooms there. Ben and Bernie rigged up a way to heat rain-water, but we weren’t going to waste too much of the stuff on washing. And, I mean, you’re right – after a while you don’t notice the smell.’
‘What about your clothes?’
‘We wash them now and then if we have to, but mostly we find new stuff in the shops. It’s easier.’
‘You had it all worked out, didn’t you?’ said Jester appreciatively. ‘That place looked like a fortress.’
‘Yeah, we made it safe,’ said Arran. ‘And once we were there, well, where else could we go? We’ve been living on what we can find in the houses round here, but it was getting harder and harder. We’d have starved soon enough if you hadn’t shown up.’
‘You’re going to make a real difference,’ said Jester. ‘We can properly start getting ourselves sorted out at the palace.’
‘It’s in Babylon,’ said Arran.
‘What is?’ said Jester. ‘What do you mean?’
Arran laughed. ‘Sorry. I was thinking about something else. The words just came out.’
‘You sure you’re feeling OK?’ said Jester. ‘You look kind of hot and sweaty.’
‘It’s nothing,’ Arran lied. ‘I’m just reacting to this bite. It’s not serious.’
‘We got medical books at the palace,’ said Jester, ‘and lots of drugs. A girl called Rose looks after us. She knows her stuff. We’ll fix you up. We’ve even got antibiotics.’
‘I think that’s what I need.’
‘Yeah.’
Arran took some more water, felt it trickling down his throat. He pictured it like a stream of silver mercury. It hit his stomach and another wave of sickness came over him. The sun seemed very bright all of a sudden, sparking off the cars and breaking up into fierce coloured shards. He closed his eyes and instantly snapped them back open.
That face. Every time. His mother’s face. He couldn’t get rid of it.
‘Don’t go to sleep,’ said Jester.
‘What? No…’
‘Not while you’re walking. Do you want to stop for a rest?’
‘No way,’ Arran protested. ‘We’ve got to keep moving.’
Achilleus ran up with Big Mick, Blue’s best fighter. They’d been scouting ahead.
‘It’s all clear as far as the tube station,’ said Achilleus. ‘Far as we can see, there’s no one around.’
‘Did you look inside the cupboards?’ said Arran.
‘Inside what cupboards?’
‘Ignore him,’ said Jester, comically twirling a finger round his temple. ‘He’s rambling.’
Arran tried to laugh it off again. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I’m just tired. Didn’t sleep last night. You know what it’s like when you think you’re only thinking something and you say it out loud.’
‘Yeah,’ said Achilleus, but he didn’t look convinced. He let Arran walk on a bit and went over to find Maxie on the left flank.
She was walking along, grim-faced and alert. She nodded when she saw Achilleus.
‘I’m worried about Arran, man,’ he said.
Maxie looked concerned. ‘What’s the matter with him?’