“Sarah, say something.”
When she spoke her voice was quiet, excruciatingly polite. “I hope it all works out.”
Damn it. Not that. “Can I come by later and try and make it up to Grace?”
“Sure. I think that would help.” But there was a distance between them that she didn’t quite know what to do with. She briefly considered putting the clients off for a couple of days, but the repercussions would be big. Too big.
And now, some eight hours later, as she stood on Sarah’s doorstep preparing to knock, she didn’t feel much better about things. In fact, she felt worse. She had done the only thing she knew how to do and that was to act. To fix the situation at hand. But each action has a consequence. And her life seemed to have a whole new set of consequences lately.
“Hey,” Sarah said upon opening the door. She leaned against its side and met Emory’s eyes. Her hair was up, but as usual, strands had escaped. She seemed settled in for the night, cozy in the best kind of way. She didn’t offer entrance, which spoke volumes.
“Hi. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry today didn’t work out. I was looking forward to it.”
“I know. I accept your apology.”
Emory shifted. She felt nervous, off-kilter. “Can I explain to Grace?”
“She’s asleep. It’s past ten, Emory. She goes to bed at nine on weekends.”
Emory glanced at her watch as a million more self-recriminations warred inside her head. “Oh, I didn’t realize how late it had gotten.”
Sarah seemed to soften then, and stepped out onto the porch. “She was pretty disappointed you cancelled, but I explained the situation. She’ll be fine.”
“Will you?”
Sarah offered a weak smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes and moved into Emory, wrapping her arms around her. “You were doing your job today. I get that. I just wish it had played out differently.”
Emory didn’t say anything because she didn’t know what to say. Sarah should be angry at her. She should be frustrated. She had been ready for both of those things. But the quiet sadness she was met with was a whole new kind of guilt that Emory felt right in the center of her chest. She’d let them both down and they were accepting it.
How had she let it get to this?
“Everything okay, Sar?” Danny stood in the open doorway of the apartment and regarded them curiously.
Sarah took a step back and turned to him, brightening. “Yes, just fine. Danny, you remember my friend, Emory?”
He smiled. “Definitely. Hi. Good to see you again.”
“You too, Danny.”
He looked to Sarah as if a thought had just occurred to him. “Hey, I can find somewhere else to crash other than the couch if you guys want to hang out.”
“What? No. Emory was just dropping off some paperwork.” Danny looked from Sarah’s empty hands to Emory’s. “But she forgot it in the car.”
What should have been an easy situation to navigate seemed to have thrown Sarah into panic mode. Emory reluctantly took her cue. “I did. I left it. I don’t know where my head’s at lately.” She hated the lie.
Sarah met her gaze appreciatively. “I’ll walk out with you. Back in a sec, Dan.”
Emory walked a few paces ahead, lost in her thoughts, the stresses of the day, and what had just happened on the porch. So many things seemed wildly out of her control, her own emotions included, and it angered her. She wasn’t a weak person and she hated how vulnerable her relationship to Sarah made her feel.
“Em, wait. Please.” She did, but took a moment before turning fully to Sarah. “I didn’t know he was coming over tonight. His roommate invited over a bunch of friends and he was looking for a quiet place to crash.”
“He’s your brother. That makes perfect sense.”
“But?”
Here it goes. “When are you going to talk to your family?”
Sarah sighed, her eyes finding the ground as she seemed to gather her thoughts. “That’s not a step I’m ready to take quite yet.”
Somewhere deep, Emory needed to know more. “Will it ever be?” she asked quietly.
“I don’t know.”
And there it was. I’m not sure about us was easy enough to read in Sarah’s guarded response. She didn’t blame her. She couldn’t.
Emory nodded, resolute. She felt herself failing at what she’d known from the beginning would be an impossible scenario. “I better get going. Here.” She reached into the passenger’s seat and handed Sarah a few odd papers from her junk mail pile. “For authenticity.” She turned to her car, but Sarah’s hand on her arm caught her attention. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but instead, leaned in and she kissed her softly. As she pulled away, Emory could see the heavy emotion in her eyes.
“Tonight was rough. But don’t leave without saying good-bye. Never that.”
Emory felt a wall come down at the words. Such a simple request that managed to touch something in her. “Never that,” she agreed and stole a final kiss before driving off into the summer night.
If only everything between them could be as simple.
*
“Hot or cold weather?” They were lying in bed a week later. It was three a.m., but Sarah wasn’t missing sleep a bit. She loved it when Emory stayed over. They’d spent the earlier part of the night lost in each other and welcomed the morning hours talking about anything and everything. With her fingertips, she absently traced circles across Emory’s abdomen as she awaited her response.
“Hot. You?”
“Oh, most definitely cold. Lots of hot chocolate and cuddling when it’s cold. I mean c’mon.” Sarah lifted her head from where it rested on Emory’s shoulder and shook it slightly, grinning like it was a no brainer.
Emory tightened her arms around her. “Sounds cozy. I could be swayed to your side with that kind of thinking. Favorite color?”
“Blue.”
“Me too, but aqua.”
Sarah smiled to herself. “Because you love the ocean. Favorite food?”
“That’s hard. Mahi Mahi, if it’s cooked right. What about you?”
“Nope. You’ll laugh.”
Emory slid down on the pillow so they were face to face. “Oh, then you definitely have to tell me.”
Sarah scrunched one eye. “Whopper with cheese.”
Emory’s mouth fell open in playful surprise. “As in Burger King? From all the foods in the world, you choose Burger King?”
They were laughing now. “After a long day, there’s nothing like it. I could go for one right now if I’m being honest.”
Emory pushed herself up. “Then I’ll be right back.”
Sarah pulled her back to bed and crawled on top. “No way. You’re not going anywhere.” She kissed her. “Too cute to leave.”
“You know your accent comes out when you’re playful.”
“It does not.” She sank further into the kiss.
“Okay. Except it does,” Emory murmured, as her hands drifted down Sarah’s body.
They were both a lot less interested in conversation after that.
*
Dallas was hot. It was September and still pushing ninety degrees outside, a cherry atop the already difficult sundae that had been Emory’s day from hell. She decided to cool off with refreshment at the hotel bar before heading up to her room for the night. In the forty-five minutes she’d been there, she’d refused drink offers from two different men and one woman, all the while desperately wanting the chance to sort through her own head for five damn minutes.
Her workday at the Dallas office had not gone the way she’d planned at all, and she was pissed off. She thought back on the series of events and bristled all over again, knowing full well who was to blame. She’d had two Kentucky mules by the time her cell phone notified her of an incoming call. She rolled her eyes at the readout but answered anyway. “I shouldn’t be talking to you. I should be lying on a highway hoping to get run over.”
“Wow. Kinda drastic. Bad day?” Sarah asked.