“C’mon, pretty please?” Julia pleaded. “You don’t have to give me all the hot and steamy details. Just big picture, you know?”

Dorie rolled her eyes. “The sex was fine,” she said, exasperated. “It was never even an issue. I got married at thirty-three, for God’s sake! And while a lady doesn’t like to get a reputation, I think you know I wasn’t exactly celibate before I met Stephen. You think I would have married him if we weren’t good together in bed?”

Julia considered this. “So … there was nothing kinky?”

“No,” Dorie snapped. “And I didn’t catch him dressing up in my panties, or hanging out at the men’s room at the park, or trolling the squares in downtown Savannah after midnight. I’m telling you, and you can believe me or not, but up until two months ago, I thought I had a marriage that was rock solid.”

She blinked furiously at the tears welling up in her eyes. “I loved Stephen. And I believed he loved me. And now, it’s all gone to crap.”

“Don’t cry any more,” Julia begged. “I’m sorry I brought it up. It’s Ellis’s fault for letting me, right? Let’s all be pissed off at Ellis. And Stephen, too. May he rot in gay hell.”

15

Ellis went out to the kitchen and got the box of Fudgsicles and a roll of paper towels, which she solemnly handed around to Dorie and Julia.

Dorie licked the ice cream bar in silence, while Julia attacked hers, biting off the top and demolishing it in minutes. Ellis licked and chewed and wiped frantically at the ice cream dripping down onto her hands.

“Better?” she asked Dorie.

“A little,” Dorie said, sniffling.

“There’s not enough chocolate in the world to fix this kind of thing,” Julia said. “Dorie, Ellis is going to kill me for asking, but I can’t help it. How … I mean … how did you find out about Stephen?”

“Jesus, Julia!” Ellis said. “Would you please let her alone?”

“It’s all right, Ellis,” Dorie said. “It’s like a car wreck. You know it’s terrible, but you just can’t help looking, right? I didn’t catch him with another man, if that’s what you’re wondering. It was just a bunch of little things. I thought he was stressed about getting his master’s, so I didn’t pay much attention. And then, he quit his soccer team. You guys met Stephen, right? He lived and died for soccer, not just coaching the girls at school, but playing. But he just quit the team. And the thing is, he didn’t tell me he’d quit. He’d leave the house, and I just assumed he was going to practice, but it turns out he wasn’t.”

“He was going to meet his boyfriend?” Julia asked.

“No,” Dorie said. “He swears he wasn’t. He says now he just sort of drove around. He’d go to the mall and sit in his car, or drive out to Tybee and back.”

“Why’d he quit soccer?” Ellis asked gently.

Dorie’s face turned pink. “The guy … his name is Matt? He’s on the team too. He’s always been out. But not in a swishy, flamer kind of way. Stephen said…” She gulped and looked down at her hands. She’d twisted the paper ice cream wrapper into a cylinder, and now she was shredding it. “He said he realized months ago that he was, I guess, attracted to Matt. And it really scared him. And disgusted him.”

“Oh, poor Dorie,” Ellis said with a sigh.

“Stephen swears he never meant for anything to happen,” Dorie went on. “That’s why he quit the team. He thought if he didn’t see Matt, didn’t talk to him, it would be all right.”

“But it wasn’t, was it?” Julia asked.

“As soon as school was out in May, Stephen flew out to Omaha to be with his dad. Henry had a stroke while Stephen was there. He’s alive, but he’s on a ventilator, and now, they’ve told the family it’s just a matter of time.”

“God. On top of everything else,” Julia muttered. “So, what happened?”

“When he came back home, he wouldn’t talk about his dad,” Dorie said. “He started drinking, you know, not a lot, but more than usual. Scotch, too. He never really drank hard liquor before. Neither of us did. And then, one night, right before the Fourth of July, he just … he just…” She faltered, and started crying again. This time Julia tore off a paper towel from the roll and handed it to Dorie.

“Blow,” she ordered. Dorie nodded and did as she was told. Ellis took a paper towel and dabbed at her own eyes. “Gotta remember to add Kleenex to the grocery list this week,” she said absent-mindedly.

Dorie took another deep breath and launched back into her story. “He just went for a drive, and he didn’t come back. Not that night. I was going crazy! He wouldn’t answer his cell phone, and I called everybody we knew asking if they’d seen him. I even called the emergency rooms at Saint Joe’s and Memorial to see if he’d been in an accident.”

“You must have been terrified,” Ellis said. “I don’t even know what I’d have done if I were you.”

“I’d have been so pissed,” Julia said.

“I was terrified, and then when he came home and he was all right, I was really pissed. We had the biggest fight ever. I was standing in the kitchen, in my nightgown, and, you guys, I was screaming. I mean screaming at him. And Stephen, he just broke down crying. And that’s when he told me. That he’d gone to a bar, and Matt was there, and he was drinking, and … he just … went home with Matt. And he didn’t call me because he didn’t want to lie to me.”

Dorie took another deep breath. Her eyes were red from crying, and her nose was running. Ellis and Julia were crying too.

“So that’s it?” Ellis asked. “He’s gay, and you’re getting divorced? End of story?”

“End of story,” Dorie agreed. “End of Mr. and Mrs. Perfect. End of every-friggin’-thing.”

“Is that what you want? Have you thought about going to counseling?” Ellis asked.

“Counseling!” Julia hooted. “She just told you the man is gay. What good is marriage counseling when it comes to something like that?”

“I don’t know,” Ellis said helplessly. “Maybe, maybe Stephen really isn’t totally gay. It was only one time, right? Maybe this is just … like a phase. Dorie said he’s been under a lot of stress, with finishing his thesis, and his dad being so sick. Maybe if they got counseling, if they could talk things out with a therapist … I just think there has to be another way.”

“Well, that’s just dumb,” Julia said, shaking her head. “What, you think this is like that column in your mom’s Ladies’ Home Journal—CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED?”

“I hate to say it, but Julia’s right,” Dorie said. “Don’t you see? I’m screwed. Stephen says he loves me, and I believe him, I really do. But he’s not in love with me. There’s somebody else. How do I compete with that? If it were a woman, I’d do something. Cut my hair, dye it, lose weight, get a boob job.…”

“A boob job?” Julia exclaimed, slapping the tabletop for emphasis. “You’re a friggin’ 32D, Dorie. You’ve worn a D cup since, like, kindergarten.” It was only a slight exaggeration. “You’re so skinny everywhere else, if you got any bigger, you couldn’t stand upright.”

“I know,” Ellis chimed in. “Remember, Dorie? In seventh grade, when we were just getting our training bras, you were already in an underwire.”

“Double-D Dunaway,” Julia crowed. “Nope, the only way you compete with this Matt guy, as far as I can see, is if you manage to grow a penis.”

Dorie started to giggle. Ellis started too. In a moment, the three of them were all laughing so hard, tears were running down their faces. They laughed until they were crying and then laughing again.

“You guys, hush,” Dorie said, waving her hands and pointing towards the ceiling. “You’ll wake up Madison.”

“What’s she gonna do?” Julia demanded. “Call the cops on us?”

“I’m so sorry, Dorie,” Ellis said, pressing her hand to her own chest. “It’s not funny, not really.”

“It’s a friggin’ tragedy,” Julia agreed, snorting pinot out her nose.

That got them all started laughing again—the giggle fits from hell.