My pen teeter-totters back and forth as I stare at my paper, thinking maybe I should’ve gone that route. Getting involved with Jessa has complicated my life beyond recognition. It’s made me second-guess all of my goals, and I’ve become willing to change everything I’ve been working toward just to make sure she’s the one by my side. I’ve done a complete one-eighty in a very short time.

Finally after five agony-filled hours, we all start packing up. I feel like an ass, knowing I haven’t contributed much this session. Another reason falling in love sucks; it distracts you from everything else you’re doing and usually at the most inopportune times.

“Hey Grant,” Hillary says to me as I’m standing by the elevator.

“Hi Hillary,” I respond back, focusing my eyes on the silver doors in front of me.

“Did you have a nice spring break?” she asks. I know her body is turned my way but I keep mine facing forward.

“Yeah,” I answer, and then I shift my head around to see where everyone else has disappeared to. Relief hits me when the elevator doors open, but it’s quickly replaced by discomfort when I realize we’re going to be by ourselves in the confined space. I walk in, chastising myself for sweating it. It’s not like she’s going to bite.

She follows behind and before the doors even close, she starts talking again. “I worked at my dad’s law firm for the week. Kind of boring but great experience,” she divulges and I nod my head. I feel like a dick, but this funk that has come over me since I left Jessa won’t go away. “So, you want to get a bite to eat?” she asks. Fortunately, the doors open then and I practically sprint out.

“Sorry, Hillary. I have to be somewhere.” I give her a curt smile before walking away.

The nice, spring weather feels good but does nothing to improve my mood. The walk across the parking lot to get to my truck is filled with agony over what to do. Should I go to Jessa’s or just go home? The thought of seeing that douchebag there infuriates me. Taking the phone out of my pocket, I check to find that there’s still nothing. Why the fuck hasn’t she tried to get ahold of me? Does she not give a shit anymore? Have I finally crossed over that line where she can’t handle all my fucking baggage?

“Grant!” I hear a female yell, pulling me away from my thoughts. I glance up and release a heavy sigh.

“Emily,” I say with an exasperated breath.

“Oh, I’m glad you’re here. Can you give me a ride? I was supposed to be meeting Katie here, but she ditched me for some guy. I don’t want to walk home in these heels or I’ll get blisters…”

Not wanting to hear anymore from her, I instruct her to get in the truck, and a wide smile spreads across her lips. Regret consumes me immediately when I notice her reaction, and I hope to God she knows this is just a ride and nothing more.

She scrambles in and I’m thankful when she stays on her side. Starting the truck, I begin to reverse, and when I place my hand on the back of the seat to check behind me, she places her neatly manicured hand on my thigh. My body abruptly tenses and I jerk the truck to a stop. “Remove it, Emily,” I seethe through my teeth.

Rolling her eyes, she removes her hand and straightens her body as though I offended her. She’s quiet most of the way, until I pull up to her sorority house.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“You said you needed a ride,” I remind her.

“I’m going to your house. The girls are going over there to watch the game tonight.” The condescending tone in her voice makes me wish I was the type of guy who could drop her off at the corner and take off.

“Fine.” I jerk the shifter into drive and speed away from the curb.

“You know, Grant, you kind of led me on,” Emily’s sour voice states.

“I never led you on, Emily. There was never anything between us.” Why I’m even engaging her in conversation baffles me.

“I liked you and I know you liked me too, until she came into the picture,” she continues. My knuckles are turning white from the tight grip I have on the steering wheel.

“First, her name is Jessa. Second, if she wouldn’t have come into the picture, you’re right, I would have fucked you and then left you.” My words are harsh but true. Jessa changed me, and I’m not sure anyone else could have.

“Jesus, Grant, you’re being an asshole,” she spouts, crossing her arms and staring out the window. Good, hopefully she’ll shut her mouth now.

I’ve never been happier to be at my fraternity house than I am now. Emily quickly escapes the truck and I casually park in my spot and walk through the back door. Taking the staircase, I give a quick hello to Matt and the guys. Matt eyes me questioningly and I realize that I have no idea where Emily ventured to, nor do I care.

Once I get to my room, I sit on my bed, running my hand through my hair. Decisions and outcomes fill my head. I’m so fucking confused. I didn’t think the fight was that big. I mean sure, it’s the first time we’ve really raised our voices at each other, but I know we’re better than that. We didn’t face and overcome both our pasts to let one fight ruin everything.

Going to my fail-safe, I open the drawer that holds the letters from my mom. I’ve already read this one, but I need to hear her voice again. I pull out the box of letters and grab the one titled, Love Lost. It strikes me as odd that I opened this one after Lizzy, but never opened the Love one until Jessa.

Dear Grant,

 

So you got your heart broken. You’re probably telling yourself you’ll never fall in love again. That you’ll never get close to someone again. But you will. As much as it hurts, sweetheart, you have to let it go and welcome love when it comes around again. This one wasn’t it, but the next might be. Don’t close off your heart just because you had one bad experience.

 

My question to you is this. Can you fix it? Are either one of you being stubborn? Fight for it if you love her that much. Don’t give up, and give her your whole self, Grant.

 

Don’t go through heartbreak for no reason. Fight and save it, if there’s any hope at all. Don’t be a bystander to your life, Grant, be an active participant.

 

Love,

Mom

XOXO

I tuck it back in the envelope, knowing my mom’s right. This small disagreement is nothing in comparison to what Jessa and I have. I’m not going to let her get away. I see the last letter sitting in the box and I contemplate its fate. A warm feeling spreads through my body and I automatically know it’s time. This is it. I’m not letting the best thing that’s happened in my life slip away.

Packing my bag and not willing to take no for an answer from Jessa, I’ll be spending the night there until he leaves. If Rob’s there, I’m there. A soft knock hits my door and I smile, assuming it’s Jessa. Thank God. I knew we were on the same page. I spring the door open, ready to embrace her, when I find Emily in the doorway. What the hell does she want now?

Chapter 24

Jessa

I’m grateful for the long walk back to the house, although my anger soon shifts to sadness. After Colorado, I thought Grant and I had conquered our pasts. The more I pick apart the scenario that just happened, the more it doesn’t add up. God, I shouldn’t have let Emily get the best of me when she threw my past in my face. I regret not opening that door into Grant’s room. As much as it terrified me to see what was on the other side, I should’ve faced it head on and not let him get away with it. And that’s if he was even there. I know Emily is a conniving bitch, and the fact that I let her get to me like that pisses me off.

My stomach knots when I spot Grant’s truck outside the house. I continue walking, confused but also a little bit hopeful. If he had driven past me just now, I would have seen him. And now that I’m thinking clearly, I don’t remember seeing his truck in his usual spot at the frat house, where he was supposedly sleeping. Oh shit, I’ll bet that bitch was lying through her teeth.