“First, you’ll never be without me. Not ever. Got it?” Brand stares down at me, his eyes stern. I nod.

“And second, you’re not horrible. You’re beautiful and strong. And what’s more, you’ve pretty much got this shit figured out. You chose to walk away from Dominic because he can’t be what you need. That’s half the battle, Jacey. Now all you’ve got to do is figure out how to stop running to a new guy to make you feel better. You don’t need their acceptance, Jacey. You’re strong enough to deal with things on your own.”

I snivel into his shirt, breathing in his familiar cologne.

“I don’t think I am.” I sigh. “I don’t feel strong. Ever since Jared… did what he did, I’ve tried not to be weak. I’ve tried to change, but I’m starting to think it’s impossible. At least for me. Because against my better judgment, I fell for Dominic, Brand. I knew better, and I did it anyway. And he was the worst possible person for me to fall for.”

“But you walked away, Jacey. That’s huge.”

“Yeah,” I mumble. “And I came here and tried to force myself on you instead.”

Brand’s chest rumbles as he speaks with a voice that has always had the power to soothe me, even now when he’s in love with me and I’m crying to him about another guy.

“You want to know what your grandma told me once?” he asks, and I raise my head.

“My Gran?”

Brand nods. “Yeah. It was one summer when I was staying at their lake house with you. She and I were down by the lake and I was upset over some girl… she’d broken up with me and I thought that the world was ending. I told her that I was never going to love anyone else again, because falling in love was the dumbest thing in the world because it hurt so much.”

I have to smile, because I can practically see teenage Brand saying that. Brand is and always was a one hundred percent in or out kind of guy. “What did Gran say?”

“Your grandma was the wisest person I ever knew.” He nods. “She looked at me and she said, ‘Branden, the best things in life are worth the greatest risk. Falling in love is one of those things. Can it break our hearts? Yes. Most definitely. But more often than not, before we fall, we fly’.”

“What the heck did that mean?” I ask in confusion. Brand nods again.

“That’s exactly what I asked her. It didn’t make any sense. But then she explained and it was perfect. She said we’re like birds who leap from trees for the first time, terrified that they’re going to crash and die on the ground below. The bird will almost always fly before it falls to its death. So too will we, and so we shouldn’t be afraid to do the things that will bring us the greatest reward… like falling in love.”

“But what if we fall in love with the wrong people?” I stammer. “Because I’ve done that a hundred times, and each time I’ve gotten hurt or hurt someone else. I’m tired of doing that. How many times do we have to fall before we finally fly?”

Brand shakes his head and grins wryly. “I didn’t ask your Gran that.”

I shake my head, but Brand lifts my chin with his finger. “It might take several failures, but eventually it will happen. I don’t know if it will happen with this guy or not, but you’ll learn something from each failed attempt. So at least there’s that.”

I can’t help but stare at him. “I’m not sure that’s comforting.”

Brand chuckles. “I know. And that’s actually what I thought back when your Gran had this discussion with me in the first place. But just think on it, and after you do, you’ll see that what she said is true. Before you fall, you’ll fly, Jacey. Whether it’s now or later, it’ll happen. I promise.”

“I just hope it happens before my wings get broken,” I mutter, curling up on his chest. He chuckles softly and pats my back. I rest that way for a while longer before I sit up and straighten my clothes.

“I’m sorry, Brand,” I tell him, looking him in the eye. “I’m sorry that I always run to you. That you always have to pick me up and put me back together. I’m sorry that it seems like I use you. I don’t mean to. It’s just that… deep down, I always feel like I’m not good enough. And you always make me feel like I am. But I’m going to stop depending on you to remind me of that. I’m going to have to remind myself.”

Brand bends forward and presses his lips to my forehead.

“Just be you, Jacey. You are always good enough and then some. You really have come a long way since everything happened with Jared. Just keep it up. Tonight was just a tiny slipup. You came to me because I’m familiar. That’s all. You’re doing great.”

I can’t help but smile as I get up and walk out. Pausing in the doorway, I look back.

“Thank you. You’ll never know how much I love you.”

Brand smiles, but I can see the sadness in it.

“Don’t worry,” he tells me easily in his Brand-like way. “I know. I love you too, but I’m going to need some space for a while, Jace. I’m going to pull my head together and sort this out so that I love you the way I should… the way you love me. I’m always here for you if you need me, but try not to need me for a while, OK?”

I nod as my heart swells in my throat at the thought of how I have accidentally hurt one of the people I love most in the world.

“OK,” I agree. “I’ll give you space. I’m sorry, Brand.”

I feel utterly sad as I walk out to my car, but I have to admit that I feel stronger. Being with Brand always makes me feel stronger. He knows me. He’s always known me. There’s comfort in familiarity like that. I hate that I can’t give him what he needs, and in a weird way, that only makes me feel closer to Dom.

Because I know how he feels.

He can’t give me what I need, either.

Sighing, I blink my tears away and drive into the night.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Dominic

The world is unraveling.

After I arrive a few hours late and receive a firm chastising from the director, I go through the motions on-set, then fly back to Chicago, then go to work at the gym. The entire time, I can’t feel anything. I’m utterly numb. But when I walk into the gym, my breath catches, because for the first time in days I feel something.

The desire to see Jacey.

And when I do see her, when I bump into her, she turns away like I’m not there, like I don’t even exist, exactly the way I’ve treated her a hundred times in the past. And that moment is when I know why the world is falling to shit.

I need her.

I need her in my life. I knew I wanted her before, but to know that I need her is something entirely different, something terrifying, and the mere thought causes my heart to pound. The problem is, she doesn’t need me. She’s barely acknowledges my presence, barely glances at me.

She’s definitely learned the art of being detached from its best practitioner.

Me.

Being on the receiving end of such iciness is complete shit. For the first time in years, my heart fucking hurts… because I’ve opened it up to that. It’s an aching reminder of why I’ve always shut myself off, away from people.

It isn’t worth the pain.

I look around as I wipe off the counters in the kitchen, musing about how much has changed in a few weeks time. I just finished making twenty peanut butter sandwiches and wrapping them in foil. Why?

Because Joe insists on sending sandwiches home with the boys, because so many of them don’t have enough to eat. Why does this signify change? Because I just found myself making a mental note to buy some pre-charged debit cards to send home with some of them for groceries. They shouldn’t have to worry about eating.

But this isn’t something I would even have thought of a month ago.

Just like how a month ago, my heart wouldn’t be hurting. It would be safe and sound in its cage of ice. I’m not sure what’s better.