I sit with my back facing Hunter as I stare out the car window. I want to apologize to him. To let him know that I have been taking all my shit out on him and it’s wrong, but I don’t. It’s a mix of pride and fear. The fear part is what is overwhelming. If I keep him at a distance, if I close myself off maybe my feelings will lessen, that way when he leaves me it won’t hurt as much.

I have an appearance to do and I am dreading it. News broke that I fired my mother, so that’s all anyone wants to ask me about. That and Hunter. Neither is a subject I really want to get into. At least it hasn’t been leaked that she was my stalker. I wish they would ask about my career.

I was just cast in a role for  a new movie and I’m so excited. The cast is amazing and so is the story; it’s a project my mother would have never wanted me to do, I asked before everything happened. One good thing that has happened now that she isn’t here is that I make more of my own career decisions. I finally have a little bit of control back, at least professionally.

“So, is this the way shit is going to be? We never talk and when we do, we fight? You ignore me and act like a damn child for half the day, every day?” I hear him but I make no move to answer. “You were scared that no one would be there for you, but you are pushing everyone the fuck away.” He grits the words out, each one like a knife. Joe stops the car in front of the door and I get out, not waiting for Hunter like I used to. I really don’t need to anymore, now that the threat is gone; that and I can’t look him in the eye right now. I know he’s right.

I do the talk show appearance and since it’s a panel full of women, all they want to talk about is my relationship. I give the cookie cutter answers and pretend like everything is as good as it used to be. It isn’t, and it’s because of me. I hate having to be fake and put on this face like everything is just great.

Hunter makes no more attempts to speak to me on the car ride back to the hotel. As we are walking through the lobby, I hear someone call my name. “Samantha!” Hunter’s body stiffens as the man approaches me. He stands in front of me, acting as a barrier.

“You need to back up.”

I assess the man. He is middle aged with light brown hair and a medium build, definitely not my usual fan.

“I don’t mean to cause any trouble. Samantha, could I speak with you?” He looks past Hunter at me and there is something familiar in his eyes.

“Sir, you will have to call her management for an interview.” Hunter has gotten good at the cookie cutter answers too.

“No, I don’t want an interview. I just need to talk to her.”

Hunter turns to me. “Go up to the room, I’ll meet you there.”

I look back and forth between him and the man before moving toward the elevators.

“Samantha, wait! I’m your father.”

I freeze at those words. As I slowly turn, I look at the man in front of me. “I’m sorry. What did you say?” I take a few steps back to where they are.

“It’s me. Don’t you recognize me?” Hunter is looking back and forth between us before his eyes settle on me, waiting for some sort of reaction or instruction.

“I…I don’t…” I look at him and the few memories I have hit me. It’s him. He’s here. But why? Why now?

“Do you have some sort of ID?” I can tell Hunter is skeptical already and I fidget as my dad fishes for his wallet. Hunter inspects the license he flashes, before nodding his head. “I think we should do this somewhere else. Why don’t we meet you for dinner somewhere and you guys can talk? That way Sam can gather her thoughts and we aren’t in the middle of the lobby.”

“Yeah, that would be great.” He takes a card out and hands it to Hunter. “Here is my card, just text me with the info.” Hunter nods at him, before walking to me and steering me toward the elevator. I’m in shock as we take the ride up. My dad.

Once we get in the room, Hunter turns to me. “Talk to me. What are you thinking?”

I just shake my head. I have no idea what I’m thinking. I’m thinking that my dad is here to see me. A mix of happiness and apprehension run through me. I have wanted my dad back since the day he left.

“Sam? Is this something you want to do?”

I look over at him. “Yes. I want to see him.” I want him in my life again. I know that he can’t replace my mother or the hell she put me through, but maybe he can fill the void she left, the need for family that I have been missing. If I get that, then maybe things between Hunter and I will go back to normal. I know that I need to keep calm and there are so many question I have that are unanswered.

“Okay, I will call the restaurant downstairs and see if they have private rooms. You don’t need anyone getting wind of this and having it plastered all over the paper. Thank God he did that in the lobby and not outside; they would have run with that shit.” I nod at him, lost in thought about what this could mean. “I’ll text him and give him the information.”

I want to run to him, to hug him. I want to tell him how scared and nervous I am at the same time. I don’t. The wall I have started to build against him is stopping me. I look at him and our eyes lock. I can tell he feels the distance that I’ve put between us. I hate it. I hate myself for doing this to us. We were so happy and I screwed it up.

“Hunter I…” His phone rings and it breaks the moment.

“Hello? Okay great, we will be down.” He turns toward me. “We should talk before we go down there.”

“About what?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt. I can see the hope in your eyes. You don’t know what his intentions are. I mean, the guy disappeared from your life and all of a sudden he is just here again? You can’t tell me that it doesn’t seem off to you.” He is looking at me and I can tell that he is sincere, but that doesn’t mean that I want to hear what he has to say.

“You have no idea what his intentions are. How can you just assume that they are bad?” I know I’m getting defensive but this is something I have wished for since I was a little girl.

“You know what Sam, you know best, so I’ll just shut up and let you live your life without any interference from me. It seems like that’s what you want these days anyway.” He throws his hands in the air as he walks to the door and holds it open. I want to close it, to tell him that’s not what I want at all but once again, I don’t.

I walk to the door and stop when I get in front of him. I look up but his eyes don’t meet mine. Maybe I did it. Maybe I pushed him away. That’s what I wanted, right?

It’s the last thing I wanted.

I’m an idiot.

I need to fix this.

I will tonight.

Chapter Twenty Five

Samantha

The ride downstairs is quiet. I hate that I have turned us into this. That my stupidity and emotional immaturity caused this separation between us. Aside from that, I am so anxious to sit down with my dad. To see him again, to talk to him, to maybe replace the family that I lost in my mother. I always watched girls with their dads and I was so envious of them. Every Father’s Day, all I wanted was to celebrate with him.

Hunter hasn’t said a word and I know that he is less than happy about my enthusiasm. He is skeptical of my father’s motives and I understand that he is trying to protect me, but right now I just don’t want to hear it. When I give the hostess my name, she walks me back to a booth that is a little more secluded than the others. My dad isn’t here yet so it’s just Hunter and I.

“I don’t want things to be like this between us.” My eyes are trained on the table. I can’t look at him. I am so embarrassed by the way I have been acting this past week.

“Well then, you shouldn’t make them like this.” His tone is cold and dismissive. I can tell that he has no interest in talking to me right now.

I look up to see my dad being led to the table. I can’t help the smile that crosses my face. I feel like the little girl who was waiting for her daddy to come back all those years ago. He smiles at me as he sits down and even though we aren’t close,  I can sense Hunter tense.