I knew it wouldn’t always be this easy. But it sure as hell would be a good time.

A ll was quiet as I set out on patrol, making sure the perimeter was secure. I padded through my new territory, taking notice of any loose Q-Tips.

They would need to be dealt with if unruly. If allowed to run unchecked, they would multiply. I’d seen it happen.

I came upon a curious shelf with nothing but glass bottles on it. I batted at one, watching as it fell to the floor. I would have to come back to this location, but for now I had rounds.

Checking the view from the front window, I saw that I could retain control of my neighborhood from this vantage point. I scouted a possible napping station in another window with southern exposure, then stopped for a stare-off with an owll outside. Neither of us gave in willingly, and it was another fifteen minutes before I continued on to check on my people. They had finally quieted down after several rounds of caterwauling.

Honestly.

The Feeder was, predictably, taking up most of the sleeping quarters. The Tall One, aptly named because he was taller than The Feeder, was making that noise again—the noise I simply could not tolerate. The Feeder was beginning to toss and turn. She was not sleeping soundly.

Without enough sleep, she would be unlikely to play with me the following evening, so this situation would have to be remedied. She did seem to enjoy our games, so I would once more take matters into my own paws.

Jumping from the floor to the bed with a natural grace—a grace that was not fully appreciated by my people, I felt—I navigated my way through knees and legs, arms and elbows, until I reached the pinnacle and came to rest just beneath his chin. Stretching out one paw, I placed it over his breathing holes, stopping the noise momentarily. The Tall One brushed away my effort, although once he rolled onto his side, the noise stopped. He curled in to himself, in the one corner The Feeder had allowed him. As he had done so, I remained standing, doing my best log-rolling impression and maintaining perfect balance. Again, my people just didn’t get it.

Settling into the nook between them, I rested. Our home was secure, and I now watched over The Feeder and The Tall One, so I allowedmyself to dream. Of her. The one that got away…

Acknowledgments

There are so many people I have to thank for helping me bring this story back out there. To Lauren, who edited this from the very beginning and always told me when I was getting it right. To Sarah M Glover for her San Francisco insight and her insistence that I do have a voice and I should be encouraged to use it. To Elizabeth for allowing me to be crazy. To Brittany and Angie for recognizing that I was one of them and allowing me to play with the curvy girls. To Deb for being the best dirty cheerleader on the planet. To my real life mentors, Staci and Janet, upon whom the character of Jill ian is entirely based. To the fantastic Banger Nation, those wonderful ladies who were there from the very first chapter and enjoyed the ridiculous with me. To the Filets for their support in the wee hours and their constant gut checks. To all of the wonderful readers and friends on Twitter who make it a pleasure to communicate in 140 characters. To authors like Laura Kaye, Ruthie Knox, Jennifer Probst, Michel e Leighton, Tiffany Reisz, Karen Marie Moning, and Jennifer Crusie for writing some of my favorite stories of all time. I have always been a reader first and a writer second, and nothing makes me happier than telling a friend about a great book I just finished and can’t stop thinking about.

To the online writing community that allowed me the grace and space to create something I could truly be proud of.

To Keili and Ashley for making me funny again and starting something as silly as Not Your Mother’s Podcast with me.

Special thanks to my editor, Jessica, who is the perfect blend of smart and sassy. You are a perfectionist, you are a sounding board in a padded room, you are the colon to my semi.

Very special thanks to Enn for bringing me back into the fold, listening to my rants, and putting up with my commas. For working your ass off.

For always having my back. There is a taco in heaven with your name on it.

And of course big fat thanks to Peter for always taking such good care of me. I adore your giant thumbs.

Thank you to all the readers, to all the Nuts Girls, to all the Bangers, to all the chickens. Thank you.

Alice

xoxo

About the Author

Novelist Alice Clayton makes her home in St. Louis where she enjoys gardening but not weeding, baking but not cleaning up after, and is trying desperately to get her long-time boyfriend to make her an honest woman—and please buy her a Bernese Mountain dog.

After working for years in the cosmetics industry as a makeup artist, esthetician, and educator, Alice picked up a pen (read laptop) for the first time at 33 to begin a new career: author. Having never written a thing, she soon found writing to be the creative outlet she’d been missing since walking away from the theater 10 years before.

She has a great time combining her love of storytelling with a sense of silly, and she was shocked and awed to be nominated for a Goodreads Author award in 2010 for her debut novels, the first two instal ments of The Redhead Series— The Unidentified Redhead and The Redhead Revealed.

Additionally, Alice loves spending time with her besties on Not Your Mother’s Podcast (check them out on iTunes). She also enjoys pickles, Bloody Marys, and eight hours of sleep.

Also from Alice Clayton

The Unidentified Redhead

When Grace Sheridan returns to Los Angeles to become a working actor, it’s a second shot at a life-long dream. With some help from her best friend and agent, that dream could become a reality, but at thirty-three, has Grace missed her chance at the big time? Will an unexpected sizzling romance with the entertainment industry’s newest “it” boy shine an uncomfortable spotlight on her life?

Alice Clayton spins a playful and erotic May to December romance in this, her debut novel. Clayton’s funny, borderline neurotic heroine is perfect in her imperfections, and the off the charts sexual chemistry between her and her charming, yet blissfully unaware leading man are the true heart of The Unidentified Redhead. With laugh out loud dialogue and a super steamy romance that will get your heart racing, sneaking around in ll.A. and dodging the Paparazzi has never been so fun.

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The Redhead Revealed

As their careers catch fire, Grace and Jack — everyone’s favorite foul-mouthed, funny, and feisty couple — find themselves on opposite coasts.

Grace has landed in New York City, where she loves being onstage again, particularly because she’s playing a fabulous character in a musical written by her old college flame, Michael. Their rekindled friendship makes exploring the city that much more fun.

Wait, it’s just friendship, right?

Meanwhile, in ll.A., Jack can scarcely keep up with the swirling throngs of women who track him everywhere he goes, the endless press appearances, and the ridiculous rules his manager, Holly, keeps concocting for him — all part of the buildup to the release of Time, his steamy new film.

Thank goodness for phone sex.

But even when their schedules allow them to connect, Grace and Jack must keep their relationship off the radar and away from paparazzi cameras. Sure, the sex is sensational, but can this duo survive swirling rumors, the demands of their chosen professions, Grace’s raging internal battles, and a whopping nine-year age difference?