494

Rosie

This is ridiculous.

check my phone for the

hundredth time this weekend. No news is good news,

right? If Nana knew by now, surely she’d have rung me?

Or maybe not

Maybe she’ll never want to speak

to me again

My insides twist as

stare fearfully at the silent

phone.

This is torture! I’ve tried not to think about it, tried to get on with other things, but can’t concentrate, can’t

sleep, can’t live like this—not knowing, fearing, waiting

for the phone to ring, yet dreading it so much—it’s driving

me mad!

take deep breath and pick it up determinedly.

I’m going to do it this time tell myself. I’m going to tell her have to. She has to know.

If she doesn’t already

hesitate, then punch in the last number, steeling

myself as it rings at the other end.

I’m not going to hang up— I’m not going to hang

up— I’m not going to

“Hello—”

“Nana!” cry quickly, before have the chance to

chicken out again. “Nana, I—”

495

“You have reached Laura Fisher’s phone—I’m not

here at the moment. Please leave

message after the

tone.”

Shit! can’t tell her on machine

snap my phone shut and hurl it onto the bed,

pacing the room like trapped animal, tearing at my hair.

This is hopeless! can’t just sit here waiting, wondering,

worrying

My eyes fall on my rucksack.

grab my stuff and start shoving it in.

can at least wait somewhere useful.

496

Holly

The silence is broken by peal of jangling bells, the

sudden noise startling me and sending

flock of

chattering sparrows scattering into the sky like confetti.

group of giggling girls spills out the church doors,

followed by fleet of young mothers with strollers, their

children racing and chasing around the headstones.

More people stream out of the church, flowing

along the path behind me, chatting loudly, their footsteps

noisy on the crunchy gravel. duck my head as they pass,

hurrying away from the crowd, the noise, my eyes glued

to the ground as quickly cross the street.

“Mrs. Fisher! Laura!”

spin around, my heart pounding. scan the crowd

quickly, urgently, my eyes flicking quickly over each

person, afraid I’ll miss her, though don’t even know what

she looks like.

Until see her.

know it’s her. just know. Her white hair is fluffy

cloud around her heart-shaped face, her lilac coat and

skirt flattering on her small frame, her laughter warm and

bright as she turns to gratefully receive her forgotten scarf

from little boy.

497

My nana. stare at her, absorbing every detail. She’s

got my nose, realize suddenly, tingling. Or rather, I’ve got

hers. wander along the street, trying to keep track of her

as she moves, craning my neck to see past the

churchgoers who keep wandering into my way.

Frustrated, cross back over the road, anxious for better

view.

Suddenly, she looks my way, and freeze, my heart

in my mouth.

stare at her, my eyes locked tightly on hers, my

breath caught in my throat.

don’t even see the car skidding to avoid me.

Until suddenly do.

498

Rosie

take

deep breath, hitch my bag onto my

shoulder, and walk into the living room.

Megan’s reading, and Jack’s doing jigsaw with Ben,

so it takes moment for them to notice me. watch them

silently, imprinting the scene on my memory, my heart

heavy.

Finally Jack looks up, taking in my coat, my

backpack. He puts down his jigsaw piece. “I thought your

flight wasn’t for couple of days?”

“It’s not,” admit. “But want to go and wait at the

airport. There might be stand-by seat, and if I’m there …”

“You know, you don’t have to go,” he says quietly.

“I do,” sigh. “I really do. need to be there—to tell

Nana myself.” blink fiercely. “If I’m not too late.”

Jack pulls me to him, strokes my hair, and close my

eyes tight, trying to remember this moment forever, his

warmth and love equally comforting and heartbreaking.

My dad

With great effort, pull myself away, swallow hard.

“Can use your phone to call cab?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll drive you.”

499

“I think I’d rather get cab,” say gently. “It could

take hours to get flight, and—” look away. “I’m no good

at goodbyes.”

Jack swallows hard, rubs his brow, then nods.

And if you’re there think, moving past him toward

the phone, might not ever get on the plane

500

Holly

open my eyes and have no idea where am. blink

couple of times, struggling to focus. People in white

coats drift past, and I’m lying down, my body heavy, with

an odd feeling of having been abducted by aliens.

try to move, and pain spears my temples, stopping

me short. screw my eyes shut, and, in flash, remember

the car.

The baby

Suddenly can’t breathe.

try to sit up, my hands flying to my stomach.

I’ve lost it, know have

“Holly?”

nurse appears next to me, taking my

hand. “Holly—good, you’re awake.”

look at her

desperately and she smiles. “It’s okay, the doctor’s just

going to check you over—can you tell me where it hurts?”

“My baby,” tell her. “Oh, God, my baby …”

“You’re pregnant?” she says, frown flickering over

her face. She smiles again quickly. “Don’t worry, we’ll do

complete check on you and your baby.” She squeezes my

hand. “You’re in the best place now.”

nod weakly, the fear inside me so deep, so real, it

takes my breath away. My baby, my precious baby

it’s

my fault,

didn’t deserve it—I was going to have an

501

abortion

an abortion! Bile floods my mouth and close

my eyes. I’m sorry tell it, too late. I’m so sorry …

“Is there anyone you’d like me to call for you?” the

nurse asks. “To let them know you’re all right?”

shake my head, and she turns to leave. watch her

go, feeling small and helpless.

“Dad,” say suddenly, my voice thin and childlike.

“My daddy.”

502

Rosie

The phone rings just as I’m about to call the cab.

stare at it, startled, then lift the receiver. “Hello?”

“Hello,”

distant voice says. “Hello, can speak to

Mr. Jack Woods?”

“Just minute.” hand the receiver to Jack. “It’s for

you.”

“Hello?” Jack says as sit down again, my backpack

between my knees. Megan hugs me tight as Ben climbs

into my lap.

“We’ll miss you,” she whispers, kissing my head.

“You too.” hug them close. I’ll miss all of them so

much—Megan and little Ben—and especially Jack. look

at him, talking on the phone, and my heart aches. My

dad

But this is something have to do.

Jack hangs up, and move to take the phone, but he

stops me.

“You won’t need cab, Rosie,” he says, rubbing his

face. “I’m coming with you.”

“Jack—”

“To England.”

Megan stares at him. “What?”