for you.”

“But you didn’t wait very long, did you?” gesture to

the photo. “What?

few weeks? You couldn’t have loved

me that much.”

He falters.

“I was waiting for you,” tell him. “I couldn’t believe you’d gone without me. All summer was waiting for you

to call, to come and see me when you got back. needed

you.” swallow hard. “But you never did.”

He looks away. “I thought

thought you’d

dumped me.”

“And thought you’d dumped me,” say sadly. “But

didn’t jump into bed with the next guy who came along!”

“She wasn’t—”

45

“And how dare you, how dare you try to tell me who

can and can’t be with now?!”

“What?”

“You’re such

hypocrite, Andy. Here you are with

another girl immediately after we break up, and yet now, year and

half later, you go mental when I’m with

someone else!”

“That’s not what happened!”

“What?” ask incredulously. “You practically ripped

Kyle off me!”

“Well, yes—but only because was worried about

you!”

“Worried about me? Is that why you snogged me

too?”

“Actually, you snogged me,” Andy reminds me.

“Yeah? Well

was drunk!”

retort bitterly, my

cheeks burning.

“Exactly!”

“What?”

“Rose

you were off your head. You didn’t know

what you were doing, and

after last time …” He

swallows. “I’m sorry. It should never have happened. It

was mistake.”

mistake My heart crumples as look away, my

gaze snagging on

picture right at the edge of the

montage, almost hidden behind the others. It’s me. Me and

Andy. Our first date. We’d gone ice-skating, followed by

fish and chips, of all things, sitting out under the stars with our newspaper wrappers. stare at the photo. Our cheeks

46

are flushed, our eyes bright with laughter. We look so

happy. close my eyes against the tears.

“Rosie,” Andy sighs. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? was

just trying to look out for you last night—I didn’t want you

to do anything you’d regret.”

swallow hard.

“But you’re right, if you want to go out with Kyle,

with anyone …” He sighs. “That’s your business.”

screw my eyes up tighter. There’s only you. There’s

only ever been you …

“I know you’ve had

rough time lately, with your

mum and everything …,” he says gently. “But really wish

you’d told me about her. would’ve understood, Rose.

would’ve been there for you.”

My throat swells with regret. If only I’d called him

that day— explained. He’s right. What was he supposed to think? What did expect him to do? This is all my fault— if I’d only told him the truth, things might’ve been so

different …

“But understand why you didn’t,” he admits. “It’s

bit embarrassing, isn’t it?”

look up sharply.

“I just mean it can’t have been easy,” he says

quickly. “Giving up Sixth Form to look after your alcoholic

mother.”

My jaw drops. “What?”

“Rosie.” He hesitates. “I know you tried to keep it

quiet, but we all saw her, okay? Staggering down the

street, slurring and spilling things everywhere …”

47

stare at him, dumbfounded, an icy numbness

gripping my insides. An image of Kyle’s stupid tottering

walk floats through my mind.

He sighs. “I know she couldn’t help it, it was an

addiction, but look what she put you through. Missing

your levels, your friends—eighteen months of your life!”

“What?! No!”

interrupt, my cheeks hot. “Andy,

Mum was not an alcoholic!”

“Rose, come on—”

“I can’t believe—How could you!”

stare at him

incredulously. “I mean, Kyle’s one thing, but you how could you think she

You knew Mum. You knew her!”

push past him and thunder down the stairs.

“Rosie!” He races after me. “Rosie, I’m sorry!”

fling open the front door.

“Rosie, wait—” He catches my arm. “I’m sorry,

know she was your mum—you loved her—I didn’t

mean—”

“You don’t know anything!” yell, wrenching away

from him, rage pounding in my ears. “She wasn’t an

alcoholic!”

He sighs, sadly, pityingly. “Rose …”

“She had Huntington’s disease okay? That’s why couldn’t just hop on

train, that’s why dropped out of

Sixth Form. She wasn’t an alcoholic—it wasn’t her fault—

she had Huntington’s!”

My heart racing, run out the door, sprinting down

the street, tears streaming down my face.

48

can’t go back—I can’t ever go back to how things

were. Andy doesn’t want me—he feels sorry for me. He

feels sorry for me because he thought my mum was an

alcoholic That night, that awful, horrible night her life changed forever, mine effectively ended.

And now she’s gone. She’s gone, and I’m left with

nothing—no friends, no life, no future—

And she wasn’t even my mother!

My heart racing,

sprint into the garden, my

stomach churning as lunge for the flower bed.

“Oh, sweetie.” Melissa appears beside me, brushing

my hair back from my forehead. “Was it the punch? Did

make it too strong? Should call your dad?”

shake my head vehemently, then immediately

wish hadn’t, as my stomach empties itself yet again. She

rubs my back.

“Oh, babe. You need glass of water? Coffee?”

“Water.” nod weakly, clutching my belly.

“Coming right up!” She grins, ruffling my hair.

“Don’t worry, next time I’ll leave out the vodka. Or maybe

the rum.” She kisses my forehead. “Maybe neither would

be good idea for few days, though!”

She winks and disappears into the house.

lean my head against the cold wall and close my

eyes.

didn’t even have any freaking punch.

49

Chapter Four

The Christmas wreath tumbles to the floor as

shove the front door open and lean my head against the

cold glass. close my eyes, struggling to catch my breath,

to summon the strength to step inside, to face the house

that’s no longer my home.

Nearly everything had to be moved, cleared away or

locked up after the diagnosis: anything Mum could trip

over or smash into as the jerky movements— chorea—

progressed; anything she could hurt herself, or anyone

else, with when the paranoia set in; all our trinkets and

ornaments, our throw rugs and photo frames and

memories, all boxed up and stored in the garage, empty

since we’d sold the Mini.

The car was the biggest blow. By law, Mum had to

tell the DVLA her diagnosis, and they made her retest.

When she failed, that was it. They revoked her license.

“This is crazy!” Mum screamed at the test center.

“Even Jenson Button failed his driving test the first time—I demand

retake!” They refused. And without the car, in

our little rural village, she lost her independence.

So deferred Sixth Form. Despite Nana’s protests

about the importance of my education, couldn’t bear the

thought of Mum being stuck at home on her own. wanted

50

to be there for her, look after her, do my best to cheer her

up. It wasn’t easy. hated the way strangers stared at her