I cleared my throat again. “Hi, everyone,” I began. “So I just wanted to talk to you all about the boys’ sports feud. I think it’s gotten way out of hand. People are getting hurt, and it’s been causing problems in my relationship. I’m sure you are all in similar situations.”
“Yep,” Susan Port huffed. “After Luther’s tires were slashed last week, he completely skipped our date on my birthday so he could go have his ‘baby’ fixed.”
“At least your boyfriend didn’t have a busted lip and black eye in your homecoming photos last year,” Kelsey grumbled.
A general murmur of agreement bubbled around the table.
“Exactly,” I said. “We’re all neglected during the autumn because of the rivalry. So, naturally, we should try to put a stop to it, right? Isn’t that what all of you want?”
Another murmur of agreement.
“That would be nice,” Kelsey said, “in theory. But in reality, what can we really do to end it? Nothing. Those oafs won’t stop clubbing one another on the heads until they graduate or go so brain-dead they forget who to hit.”
“Shut up, Kelsey, and just give Lissa a chance,” Chloe snapped.
Kelsey mocked surprise. “Oh my God, Chloe can speak? I thought her mouth only worked for sucking dicks. It’s a miracle.”
“I’ll show you a miracle, you little—”
I grabbed Chloe by her T-shirt and yanked her back down into her seat. “Both of you, please be civil,” I advised.
Kelsey sat back down, growling to herself.
“Anyway,” I said, “I have to disagree with Kelsey. I think I’ve finally figured out what we can do to end this once and for all.”
“Nuke the locker room?”
“Seriously?”
“Can we just get the soccer program canceled?”
“How would we do that?”
“Give her a chance to explain,” Chloe said loudly just as a wave of anxiety washed over me. Too many voices talking over one another. She winked and nodded for me to continue. She knew me too well.
“So you all want to stop the fighting,” I said. “That’s good. I’m glad we’re on the same page. The fact is that we’ve all tried everything we could think of on our own. We’ve begged, pleaded, and fought, and it hasn’t done a thing. We can’t control them. So the important thing here is to get control of the situation—we need power. And clearly, we haven’t been able to get that on our own. That’s why I called this meeting. Because together, I believe we can get power over at least one of the sides. And with that power, we can manipulate this war however we want.”
“How many times did you rehearse this speech?” Kelsey asked.
I ignored her, picking up my pen and twisting the cap back and forth under the table. No way was I telling her that I’d practiced this in front of the mirror… twice.
“Okay, so the thing is to get control of our boys, and to do it all together, as a unified force,” I continued. “Because when it was just football versus soccer, it was a stalemate and a never-ending cycle. But add in an extra party—the girls—and it’s possible to totally upend the balance. Finding our leverage is the hard part, and like you, I didn’t think it was possible. I thought we were all just screwed. But last night, I figured it out. I know exactly how we can get control of the boys and end this war for good.”
“Out with it already,” Chloe urged.
I grinned. “It’s the one thing they could never say no to. The one thing they beg and plead and cajole for. Up until now, I didn’t realize we could use it to our advantage. But last night, I realized that it’s our best shot.” I paused, took a breath. “We go on… a sex strike!”
And… silence.
Dead silence.
For at least forty-three seconds.
As I might have predicted, Chloe was the first one to share her opinion, and in typical Chloe fashion, she shared loudly.
“Are you out of your fucking mind?”
The table rumbled with uneasy disapproval, triggered by Chloe’s protest. I took a deep breath, twisting the pen cap faster and faster. I had to pull them in. I had to get them back in my court—to show them that this was the best option.
“Think about it,” I pressed, my voice raised. “Boys only want one thing. They’re all horndogs. If there’s anything we can use to get power, it’s sex. Specifically, denying it.”
“You might be right,” Chloe said. “But you’re forgetting one key factor here. Won’t we be denying ourselves, too?”
Kelsey rolled her eyes. “Jesus, Chloe. You’re such a whore.”
“Fuck you,” Chloe snapped. “I know for a fact that you screwed Terry on your first date. Don’t act so high and mighty.”
“Guys,” I said, a little panicked. “Fighting among ourselves won’t solve anything. We’re here to create peace, remember?”
Kelsey shot Chloe one more evil glare before leaning back in her seat and folding her arms over her chest, her bottom lip poked out like a pouting five-year-old.
“Look,” I said. “You all agreed you wanted to end this stupid war, right? And this is the way to do it. We make them want us, then refuse to give them what they want. Once they realize we’re not giving in, they’ll be like putty in our hands. And that’s when we spring this on them. They have to call off the rivalry before we’ll touch them. I bet they’ll cave within two weeks.”
Somehow, I could feel Ellen’s eyes on me. I smiled, trying not to look uncomfortable.
“Is that, you know, ethical?” Susan asked. “I want the rivalry to end and all, but sex as a weapon feels a little sketchy. I think there have been whole Dr. Phil episodes about it.”
“Oh, come on,” Chloe said. “Every girl has a prerogative to say no. There’s no reason not to exercise that right… even in large groups. Besides, Dr. Phil’s a quack.”
“Susan, you pay a freshman girl to do your English papers,” Kelsey said. “Are you really the one to question ethics?”
“Hey, I’m busy. I have basketball practice. No time to read The Great Gatsby or whatever. Plus, I pay her. That makes it ethical.”
“This is ethical,” I said, hoping to get them back on track. “We’re not really using sex as a weapon—we’re just choosing not to partake until the rivalry ends. We’re not manipulating them or anything. We’re… boycotting.”
“Well, it is a good plan,” Susan said. “I mean, it will probably work.”
“I don’t know.” Mary Grisham’s voice was barely loud enough for me to hear over the flutter of whispers at the table. She was a tiny junior with huge blue eyes and dark chocolate–colored hair. I looked at her, smiling, urging her to continue. She shifted nervously in her seat and said a little louder, “I, um… I can’t really do anything,” she said. “Finn and I aren’t sleeping together, so I don’t—”
“Seriously?” Chloe said, gawking. “You and Finn have been together for, like, nine months, right? And you haven’t even gotten it on once?”
Mary shook her head.
“Is he, like, gay?” Chloe asked.
“Just because they haven’t slept together yet doesn’t make either of them gay.” It came out sounding harsher than I meant it. I glanced at Mary again, then addressed the rest of the table. “I’m sure some of the rest of you are in the same boat, right?”
More silence.
I had to stop counting after ten seconds. I just didn’t get it. These were the same girls who called Chloe a whore for having too much sex. I could see their eyes on Mary. See the mocking or disapproving expressions. Like her virginity was a bad thing.
“Well, thank you for being honest,” I told Mary as her cheeks turned redder and redder. “It’s cool that you’re waiting. I know a lot of girls lie about it, so I respect your honesty.”
“You’re welcome,” Mary mumbled.
“Oh, honey.” Chloe sighed. “That’s cute, but you don’t know what you’re missing.”
I elbowed Chloe in the ribs and said loudly to Mary, “But you can still participate. Just don’t do other stuff. Don’t, um… Don’t go down on him or touch his…” I felt like my face was on fire. I took a deep breath and forced myself to keep going. “No hand jobs. Or anything he might enjoy too much. If kissing is all you do, don’t make out with him. You’ll find a way. You don’t have to be having sex to make it work. Trust me.”