Derek, I want the girls to know a normal life; to know true happiness, like what we had when you were here. I really think that Blake could give us that. Actually, I know he could. But I also know I’m holding back. There’s a threshold I can’t seem to cross. Is he worth the gamble? I know nothing is guaranteed in this lifetime. Trust me, no one knows that better than me. But I want so much to believe he’s worth it. Worth taking the chance.

A small breeze blows over me. I breathe in deeply, trying to force fresh air into my lungs. But then, I take in a deeper breath, except this time it’s not to clear my head. It smells…familiar. Sandalwood. I gasp out loud.

Blake looks over at me with concern on his face and starts walking in my direction. I wave him off. “I’m fine! You’d better hurry. They’re tag teaming you now.” He looks back and dodges Nycole as she leaps forward to catch him. He takes one look back at me and I motion for him to run. “Hurry! They’re gonna get you!” He turns and changes direction running towards the slide.

Another breeze blows over me and the smell of sandalwood lingers in the air.

Derek?

Okay – I’m definitely losing my mind. I shake my head and start to get up when the most beautiful butterfly I’ve ever seen lands right on my knee. It looks like some exotic sort of butterfly; I’ve never seen anything like it. The arches of its wings are marked with bright yellow and black. But it’s the bottom part of the butterfly’s wings that catches my attention. The lowest section of its wings is a beautiful almost electric blue color.

I place my hand beside the butterfly on my leg, being careful not to touch its wings. Instead of flying away, it climbs onto my finger. I lift it up to my face to get a better look. Amazingly it doesn’t move. It just sits there looking back at me. Another breeze blows and I’m momentarily distracted from its beauty. There’s no mistaking it. Sandalwood is all around me. I can smell it on my clothes.

I look all around me. I don’t see anything out of the norm. I look back at the butterfly.

Derek?

All of a sudden, it leaves my finger and begins to flutter around my head. I hear the girls run up out of breath.

“Mama – look at the butterfly. Isn’t it beautiful?” Kyndall watches it land on her shoulder. She stands as still as possible and twists her head to the side to get a better look. “Oh…It’s so pretty!”

Nycole and Rylie make their way over and the butterfly jumps off of Kyndall’s shoulder and begins to fly all around her sisters. It lands on the top of Rylie’s head and she stands like a statue while we all laugh at her, then it flutters to Nycole and lands on her finger when she holds it out in an attempt to lure it close to her. She brings it very close to her face and the butterfly flies off her finger and lands on her cheek. She giggles. “It tickles!”

Then, as Blake finally makes his way over, the butterfly flies over to him and lands on his shoulder. He takes his hand and places it right next to the butterfly. It climbs on without hesitation. “Alex, look at this. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one like this before. Not even in Colorado. It’s beautiful.” Blake brings it around for a closer look. As he’s inspecting it, it flies off of his hand and flutters in the air for a second before it lands back on my knee.

Okay. I’m completely losing it if I think that this butterfly is Derek trying to tell me something. I have officially lost my marbles. There is no way that –

The butterfly flies up and lands right on my nose. I look at it cross-eyed, watching it flap its wings slowly in front of my eyes. Taunting me.

Derek? Is that you?

It begins to flap its wings faster, finally leaving my nose. It makes its way back to Blake and flutters above his head for a few seconds before another breeze comes and it flies away. We all sit in silence watching it as it disappears behind the trees.

“That was weird,” Blake says quietly. Turning back towards the girls he claps his hands loudly. “Hide and Seek? I’ll start. One… two… three…” The girls take off running. Blake turns and sits beside me on the bench. “You okay? You look a little upset.” He twists my ponytail around his finger. I nod my head. “Yeah, I’m okay. Nycole just went under the slide…in case you need a hint.”

He studies my face intently and wipes a rogue tear from my cheek. “Okay, well, I’m here if you need me.” He gives me one last look before I point to the slide. “Go get her. She’s getting too big for her britches.” The corners of his mouth tip up and he runs his knuckle across the bottom of my chin, catching the last tear before it falls. “Don’t worry. I’ll knock her down a couple of pegs,” he says placing his palm on my cheek. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I will be once you get her. I still owe her for the surprise invite…even though you were already invited…maybe I should have told you?” I lean my face into his hand and take in a much needed breath. He strokes my cheek one last time before getting up from the bench. “Good to know.” He shoots me a quick wink. As he turns to walk away, he crouches low and covertly sneaks up behind the slide.

Another breeze passes though my hair but there’s no trace of sandalwood. I feel a little saddened. Maybe I’m crazy, but part of me feels that nothing that just happened in the last few minutes was random. In fact, I feel like it was pretty deliberate. My heart fills with joy as I watch the girls playing with Blake.

I’m going to assume that I have your okay? The second the breeze hits, I smell it.

A happiness fills my soul. I smile looking up at the clouds.

Alright, I was just testing you.

Don’t worry…I get it.

And stay tuned, because I’m going for it.

I smile even more when the clouds break and the warm sun shines on my face. I know I’m headed in the right direction now.

I just needed a little guidance.

The next morning, after dropping off the girls, I make my way to the house to start the preparations for Rylie’s surprise party. Pulling into my driveway, I turn off the ignition and let out a deep breath. There’s a nervous excitement running through my veins; I know Blake’s coming over today.

Walking into the house, I throw my purse onto the couch and make my way to the kitchen. I pull the mixing bowls out of the dishwasher and grab the cake mix. I figure I’ll start with the cake because I want to have enough time to work on it. I know I have more time than usual though, since Harlow offered to pick them up and keep them busy for a while after school. The benefits of owning your own business never gets old.

Regardless, I want to get a head start. I wrapped most of the presents last night after the girls went to bed, so all I really have to focus on today is the cake, the balloons and the banner.

I throw the mix in the bowl. A little too quickly I guess because as soon as the contents of the bag hit, a white cloud flies up and coats my face. I cough as the flour enters my lungs. And of course, right at that very moment, my door bell rings.

My heart beats wildly in my chest and my stomach feels like there’s a gymnast inside it performing a gold medal winning floor routine. I wipe my hands on my black yoga pants leaving white trails from my fingers all over them as I walk through the living room. Entering the front hallway, I take a look at my tattered iron on “Save Ferris” t-shirt that I made no telling how many years ago. Well…I guess this will have to do.

Opening the door, I find it difficult to breathe when I lay my eyes on Blake. One would think I’d be use to how gorgeous he is, but for some reason, I seem to have the same reaction every time I see him. He stands before me, once again in my favorite faded jeans, wearing a black button down shirt – untucked and sleeves rolled up in true Blake style – and his clanky motorcycle boots. His hair is flipping everywhere as it tends to do. He takes one look at me and the corner of his mouth lifts. He looks down at his black shirt.