“Baby please stop…..I can’t do this Ellie. All we do is argue anymore and you keep getting pissed at me and I have no fucking clue as to why. So you saw me talking to Jess, she is Drake’s daughter. We all grew up together. Fuck she is like a little sister to me Ellie. I was not about to kiss her or do anything else with her for that matter. I love you! Damn it Ellie! Why can’t you see that I love you….I only want you.”

You wi ll never be wanted by anyone…….

“SHIT! When will her voice get out of my fucking head!”

“Who’s voice Ellie?”

I did it again. I turned around and saw the hurt in Gunner’s eyes. Why was I having such a trust issue with him lately? I really didn’t think they looked like they were about to kiss so why did I run off like that?

I felt sick to my stomach and just sat down and started to cry. Gunner was over and down on his knees in two seconds flat.

“ELLIE! What’s wrong? Do you feel sick?”

I just threw myself into him. He wrapped his arms around me and then sat down and brought me onto his lap. He was stoking my back and just kept saying it was alright. It wasn’t all right though.

“Gunner, I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I keep waiting for the floor to fall out from beneath me. I’m so tired of school already, I’m stressed out, my mother won’t stop calling me, you’re hardly ever around and when I do get to see you I have to watch girls throw themselves at you….I’m just waiting for you to get sick of me and leave.” I started sobbing.

“Sweetheart I’m so so sorry. I didn’t know your mom had been calling you. I wish you would have told me or Jeff. I know school is rough baby; you took way to many classes Ells. Football is almost over baby and we can be together more often. It’s all going to work out. You need to talk to me Ellie, we can’t keep fighting over little shit that means nothing okay?”

I nodded my head and looked up at him. His blue eyes caught mine and I sucked in a breath from the smoldering look he was giving me. He slowly started to pull me down and leaned me back on the grass and started to kiss me.

After I came back down to earth Gunner leaned in against my ear and whispered to me.

“Another first baby! Orgasm next to the tank.”

I let out a laugh and looked at his beautiful smile. Maybe everything really was going to be ok.

December……

“I cannot believe you’re getting married Amanda. What the fuck? Don’t you think this is a bit too soon?” Ari said for the fifth time since we picked Amanda up at her apartment.

“Ari, I’m madly in love with Brad and he is madly in love with me. We want to get married as soon as possible so no, I don’t think it is too soon.

“Y’all just got engaged just over two weeks ago for Christ sakes!” Ari said shaking her head.

Brad had asked Amanda to marry him on Thanksgiving right in front of his whole family. She of course said yes and they immediately started planning a Valentine’s Day wedding.  Classes were out for the semester and I finally felt like I could relax. When Amanda called and asked if we could go check out the Driskill Hotel we jumped at the chance to go and do something different.

Jeff was with Brad helping him fix something on his father’s boat and Gunner was planning on meeting his cousin Shannon’s fiancé James, who was flying in a day earlier than Shannon to catch up with Gunner. I guess Shannon and James were high school sweethearts and he went out to the ranch often. Gunner had not seen either of them in a few years. They were getting married that weekend.

“Okay ladies. So here is the drill. We’re going to look at two different ball rooms. I’m trying to keep this small but I have a feeling Brad’s mother is going to give me an invite list a mile long. So keep that in mind. I’m thinking no more than three hundred people.

“THREE HUNDRED PEOPLE!” Ari and I both said at the same time with equal amount of shock in our voices.

“I know…..I would like to keep it at one hundred fifty and that’s my goal but not sure the future monster in law feels the same way. So just keep reminding me that while we’re looking. You’re my bridesmaids…..this is your job.”

I had to giggle because Amanda was the type of girl who would have just ran off to Vegas to get married but Brad’s mother…..she was something else. It shouldn’t take her long to figure out that Amanda was not going to put up with her shit.

We toured a few different banquet halls and I knew Ari was just as bored as I was. I was in charge of note taking and I swear to god if Amanda says “Did you write that down Ellie?” one more fucking time to me I am going to jam the notebook up her ass!

ARGH, the dude giving us the tour was a stick in the mud..….he was an older gentleman and he just kept talking about servers, bartenders, chairs, linens, votive candles, china, silverware, flutes, dance floors….OH MY GOD! I couldn’t take it anymore! Ari had walked ahead and was peaking in the doors to the kitchen.

We walked over and he was talking about catering …..

“Ellie, did you get that written down?” I just looked at her.

“Yes. Yes I did……” I said with a forced smile.

I saw Ari walking up to another door that led to the hotel rooms, that is what I wanted to see! I heard they were super romantic and Brad was planning on staying the night at the hotel before they flew out to Barbados. Just then I heard Ari suck in a deep breath of air.

“Holy fucking mother of all good, oh fucking shit.”

Our tour guide instantly stopped talking and looked at Ari. Amanda gave her a dirty look and I tried to hide my giggle. Ari walked up to me and grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door to the hallway.

“Thanks that was the most excitement I’ve had all damn day!”

“I thought you said Gunner was with his cousin’s fiancé today.” Ari said as she kept looking back at the door that lead down to the rooms.

“He is.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so…..” She pulled me up and made me duck down and told me to look through the window.

Gunner? He was standing at one of the room doors. Just then the door opened and I heard a girl shriek. She instantly jumped into Gunner’s arms and wrapped her legs around his waist.

Oh. My. God. This was not happening…..no…….

She looked so happy to see him and he looked so happy to see her. Then she kissed him. Not a deep kiss but a quick kiss on the lips. Then he walked her into the room and they shut the door.

I collapsed to the ground. That mother fucker was cheating on me. I was about to cry….I looked up at Ari who grabbed my arm and pulled me up to my feet.

“Oh no you don’t….not here….let’s go. AMANDA! Code blue……NOW!”

Amanda spun around and looked at me and then looked at Ari.

“WHAT!!!!” she turned and apologized to our tour guy. “I’ll be back in touch with you but I loved everything! Thank you!” Amanda called out as she was running to catch up with us.

She finally caught up to Ari as we made it to the lobby and Ari sat me down in a chair. I looked up at them both.

“Go” they both said at the same time.

I lost it….I had never cried so hard in my life. I was rocking back and forth and all I could hear was my mother……You will never be wanted by anyone…….I threw my hands over my ears. She needed to get the fuck out of my head! I wanted to scream…..it was Bryce and Ryan all over again…..

“I knew it….I told you Ari…I told you that I had a feeling something was going on! I TOLD YOU! He has probably been trying to figure out a way to get rid of me. Even Emma and Garrett were acting strange over Thanksgiving! He probably told them he was going to be breaking up with me!”

Oh my god my chest was hurting. I couldn’t breathe. Amanda dropped to her knees and pulled my face up to meet hers.

“Ellie, look at me….if it is true…..”

“Mandy I saw him! I saw her….she jumped into his arms and kissed him and then they walked into a fucking hotel room together…..”