“I already said you aren’t running.” Ryan’s light brown eyes bore into mine. “From the moment I began to care for you, I’ve always felt like you were slipping away. Sometimes when you kiss me I feel like you’re saying goodbye. I kept telling myself that was in my head. That you’re scared to love me so you HC TITLE-AUTHOR

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retreat. It’s more than that, isn’t it? Scott won’t let you near your mom so you’re

planning to run away with her.”

Ten minutes ago, I wanted nothing more

than his body close to mine. Now his closeness is too much. I need space and I can’t move.

His fingers press tight into my skin.

“When?”

My mouth becomes dry and I stare at the

floor. This isn’t how tonight was supposed to go. Ryan raises his voice and yells, “When?!”

I don’t want to lie to him. “Soon.”

Ryan moves his hands off my hips and curls me into his body. A body that a few seconds before stood solid in anger. My heart breaks from the desperation of his defeat. His

forehead rests against mine and his hand grips my hair. “Stay, Beth.”

I close my eyes and wrap myself around

him. I’m going to miss this: Ryan’s strength, his warmth, his love. “I love you, Ryan,” I whisper, half hoping he doesn’t hear it. Why does everything hurt so damn bad?

His body stiffens and my heart stops. Maybe he did hear me. Ryan places his hands on my shoulders and gently pushes my body from his.

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His eyes dart over my face. “I don’t lose.

Do you hear me? I don’t lose and that includes losing you. I’m done being kept in the dark.

I’m done feeling like you’re slipping right past me. You are not saying goodbye to me. I’m in love with you and you love me back. You’re staying.”

Ryan says it as if it’s an easy decision. Like I could forsake my responsibilities. Like these chains that have been strangling me for years can easily be cast off. “I can’t.”

The anger and confusion drains from his

face and the calm and control I’ve only seen while he’s on the pitcher’s mound take

command. “I won’t let you go.”

I blink. As if he could stop me. “You won’t let me go.”

“No, I won’t let you go. You’re mine and I don’t lose.” He rests his hands on his hips and I see the same cockiness from Taco Bell, as if telling me to leave my mother to die is no different than asking for my phone number.

“This isn’t a game to be won or lost. There are things in my life that were set in motion before I took my first breath. I don’t have a choice in this.”

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“That’s bullshit. Everyone has choices

and I’ve made mine. There is no way you’re leaving.”

He’s so confident that part of me believes him. “I’m not?”

“Nope. Three months ago you had no roots

here, but now, you’ve got them.”

“Roots.”

“Roots,” he repeats. “You’re on the

homecoming court and starting to do well at school. My friends love you. You’re closer to Scott. You have a best friend in Lacy.”

My mind races and so does my breathing. I made a life here—in Groveton. A life I enjoy. A life I could keep. Ryan draws me into him. He lowers his head as his fingers leave a burning path across my cheek. “You have me.”

The pure emotion in his voice causes me to shiver. I could try to build a wall, but the intensity of his gaze tells me he’d see through anything. The seconds stretch between us. His lips come dangerously close to mine, yet he keeps them away. With his hand warm on my face, his nose skims my jawline and I try to inhale to steady my pulse.

Ryan tugs at the loops on my jeans and

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guides me back onto the bed. Taking my

hand, he urges me to stretch out beside him.

His jeans hang right along his hip bones and I swallow.

I’m in love with him. Tonight I was going to give him a memory of me. I found the

confidence and I was in control. My heart stutters. I lost my control. I lost my confidence.

My hand shakes as I touch his bare chest.

“I want you to trust me.” Ryan brushes his hand down my arm and I tremble. The signals he sends are unmistakable. There are times when you stand on the cusp of moments so

huge, you know you’ll remember them forever.

This is that moment for me and for Ryan. I’m not seducing him. He’s not seducing me.

Instead, we’re choosing to be together.

I suck in a breath and rush out the words before I lose the courage to say them. “I trust you.” And please, please don’t use that against me.

“I’m in love with you,” he whispers.

“Are you scared?” I ask him. Because I am.

Terrified. Earlier I was anxious, but not frightened. This isn’t me giving him a memory.

This is me giving him my heart.

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“I don’t want to hurt you. Tell me if I do and we’ll stop.” Ryan slides his thumb over my lower lip. The warmth he creates melts the fear.

Unable to speak, I nod. In painfully slow movements, Ryan lowers his head closer and edges his body over me. His lips press gently against mine and as I gasp for air I whisper the words to him again. “I love you.”

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Ryan

I’VE NEVER BEEN THIS CLOSE to a person. Skin touching skin. Legs and arms wound tightly around one another. Lying on my bed, Beth’s tucked close to my chest and she slowly runs her fingernails up and down the inside of my arm.

I kiss her head again, revel in the scent of roses, and fight the urge to shut my eyes. Every single muscle has fallen asleep and my mind wanders lazily, but I want to hold on to this moment a little longer. “Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?”

She’s answered before, but the anxiety still creeps deep inside. Beth glances at me from under long dark eyelashes. “I’m okay.”

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you were…” and she drifts off.

Heat scorches my face and neck. It’s not like I was in for that long. “I’ll get better. It’ll take some practice and then we’ll both feel good.”

Beth giggles and her happiness eases the

anxiety. “Practice? Do you ever turn off the jock?”

“We should create a schedule. Maybe stretch beforehand.”

She laughs loudly and the sweet sound

squeezes my heart. Beth rarely lets happiness overwhelm her and as if on cue she releases a weighty sigh. Her body grows heavier against mine and I pull her tighter to me. Beth is dead wrong if she thinks she can leave me.

“I was thinking…” Her fingers begin tracing my arm again, but this time her touch is stiff and apprehensive. “Maybe I could talk to Scott about my mom. Maybe he could help me help her.”

I kiss her head again, close my burning eyes, and clear my throat. I get to keep her. My Beth.

“That’s a great idea.”

“You need to go to sleep,” she groggily

murmurs into my chest. “The writing

competition is tomorrow.”

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“I love you,” I whisper into her ear. She cuddles closer to me and I realize what a dick I am. I’m telling my parents about Beth as soon as they come home and I’m walking out on

that homecoming field with her on my arm.

Screw what Mom and Dad think. Screw the

rest of the town. Screw perfection. This girl is mine.

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Beth

I AWAKE TO THE SOUND of birds chatting

happily and beams of sunlight highlighting the dancing dust particles in the air. A cardinal rests on a bush outside the window of my room in Scott’s house. The bird flaps its wings and rises into the sky—into freedom. I wonder if the bird in the barn ever escaped.

The scent of bacon and onions drifts in the air. Scott promised to cook hash browns this morning. I hop out of bed and I’m surprised by the image in the mirror. I’m smiling. It’s more than that—I’m different. Last night made me different. My eyes shine like Scott’s do when he’s around Allison. In fact, my entire face glows and I’m hungry. Starving. For more than food. I want to ask Scott if he can help Mom.