clamminess invades my hands and I

immediately roll away from Ryan. I need air.

Lots and lots of air.

I stumble to the edge of the pond and catch HC TITLE-AUTHOR

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myself before I plummet down the two-foot ledge into the water. Catfish swim near the surface. I can’t get rid of the chains, no matter how hard I try. Today was supposed to be the one day I didn’t feel like I was drowning.

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asks from behind

me.

“Nothing,” I say.

“Beth.” He stops, then starts again. “I really care for you and I was hoping you felt the same way.”

A single drop of rain hits the pond and

ripples break onto the smooth water. He can’t have feelings for me. He can’t. Liking me is one thing—feeling is another. It doesn’t fit with the plan. No. This isn’t how it was

supposed to go.

I knead my hands against my eyes. Fuck, Beth, how did you think this was going to go?

You knew you were falling for him, but hewasn’t supposed to fall for you. His words make everything real. Too real. I spin around and spit out the accusation that has become my mantra. “Guys like you don’t fall for girls like me.”

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mouths?”

He doesn’t get it. “I’m a whore.”

Ryan’s head flinches as if I slapped him.

Pretending I don’t care what he thinks about me, I jut out my chin. Fairy tales happen, just not to me. Time to tell the prince he rescued the wrong girl.

“Two years ago, the guy every girl dreamed about spent an entire summer making me feel special. A week before school started, he told me he loved me, and I gave him my virginity.

When school began, he told his friends I was a slut.”

Ryan reaches out and I lean away. Some

pain isn’t meant to be shared. I was the idiot who believed Luke. I was the one who

honestly thought I was special enough to be loved.

“He took advantage of you.” An

undercurrent of anger surges in his voice.

“That doesn’t make you a whore, that makes him an asshole.”

He’s missing the point. “I drink. I smoke pot. Before I came to Groveton, I was high all the time. I am not the girl you want to be permanent with. You don’t see me for who I HC TITLE-AUTHOR

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am.”

“I know you turned down the chance to

smoke pot on Saturday. I know the rumors at school say you’ve turned down the guys who smoke that shit endlessly. I know that you walk a straighter line than most of the kids at school.

This is a small town, Beth. You can’t breathe without someone knowing. I don’t know who you pretended to be in Louisville, but I see the girl you really are now.”

The way he stares at me—it’s as if he

doesn’t even see the outside anymore. His eyes pierce me as if he can see my soul and the thought terrifies me. He can’t fall for me. He can’t. “Do you think you’re the only guy I’ve made out with because I wanted to feel something?”

“I was different,” he says with confidence.

I swallow, look away, and lie, “No, you

weren’t.”

Ryan steps toward me and I step back. He’s not reacting like he should. Ryan should be disgusted by me. He should be walking away, not coming closer. Hope lights his face. “You are the one person who can have an entire conversation with someone and stare straight HC TITLE-AUTHOR

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into their eyes and never blink. That is, unless you’re lying. Look me in the eye and tell me the truth. You fell for me that night in the barn.”

My eyes dart to his and I curse internally when he smiles. “That’s why you bolted.”

How can someone experience so much joy

when I’m in so much agony? Doesn’t he

understand we aren’t going to work?

“You felt something for me and you didn’t want to. You wanted a mindless hookup, but it blew up in your face.”

I can see the memory of the night playing in his eyes, and my chest aches. He’s on the verge of figuring it out. His eyebrows shoot up. “You bolted when I whispered your name. You felt something for me right then, didn’t you?”

My head shakes back and forth as I whisper,

“No.”

Relief softens his face and a hint of hope lifts his lips. “You’re falling for me like I’m falling for you. That’s why you’re pushing me so hard.”

“Leave me alone!” Filled with the need to flee, I turn. If I run fast enough, I can leave behind the awful memories of my past and

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Ryan’s beautiful words can never wind their way into my soul. I step into air. My heart races to my throat as I fall forward. The pond.

Terrified of the water, I scream. Strong arms weave around my waist and pull me to solid ground.

I lean my back into Ryan’s chest and clutch his arms. My fingernails dig into his skin like hooks. If I fall in, I’m going to drown. The weights upon me are too heavy to stay afloat.

My only option is to sink.

I suck in a few breaths and after I take one longer one, Ryan lowers his head to my ear.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re shaking. Fine doesn’t mean you

shake.”

“I can’t swim, but I’m fine now.”

“You can’t swim,” he repeats.

“No.” A drop of rain lands on my head and slithers down my scalp. “We should go.” The day is ruined. “It’s going to rain.”

Ryan loosens his grip on me and within

seconds, he sweeps me into the air and cradles me against his chest. My face is devastatingly close to his. I blink several times. “What are HC TITLE-AUTHOR

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you doing?”

Instead of answering, he jumps into the

pond.

Dizziness overcomes me and my blood

pressure tanks. Water rises and smacks my face, my hair, my clothing. My arms strangle his neck. I’m going to drown. “Ryan!”

“I’ve got you,” he says in a calm tone.

“You’re okay.”

He wades deeper into the cold water.

Gravity calls for me to slide out of his arms and become constrained by the water below.

I’ll suffocate with my eyes open. My hold on him tightens. “Take me back!”

Water penetrates my shoes, my jeans, the

back of my shirt. It pours over my stomach and I grow heavier and heavier. Cold wetness

teases my skin—calling out a hateful,

mimicking laugh. I bury my head in the crook of his neck. I don’t want to die. I don’t.

He stops and whispers into my ear, “Look at me.”

I don’t have the strength to lift my head.

Instead, I ease it to his shoulder and open my eyes.

“I’m going to teach you how to float.”

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I tighten my grip. “You’re going to kill

me.”

“Trust me.”

“I can’t,” I whisper. I trusted Scott, my mother, and my father. I trusted Luke, my aunt, and Isaiah. All people who left me. All people who faded into darkness. My heart has been ripped multiple times and each time I repaired it on my own. I know my limits and if

someone rips me apart again, I’ll never find the strength to pick up the pieces.

An intensity warms his brown eyes and he

gently hugs my body to his. “You can.”

I suck in a breath. Ryan’s doing it. He’s giving me the same look Chris gives Lacy. The same look Noah gives Echo. Maybe I can. My heart thunders as I reach up and grab the hair curling near the base of Ryan’s neck. “Don’t drop me.”

“I won’t.” Ryan’s voice is so soothing—so confident—I almost believe him. Maybe I can believe him. He won’t drop me. He’ll hold me.

He swore it.

“It’s time to let go,” he says.

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his arms. Water floods over my body and

laps against his chest. My head snaps up and I kick and splash to stay above water. Panic commands my lungs. He’s taller than me,