I grabbed him hand, following him inside. As I walked past the trash can an empty bottle caught my eye. Kayden had polished it off while I was outside, my heart ached instantly. By the amount of vodka he consumed, I knew he’d be wrecked soon enough.

I curled up on the couch with Kayden at my side. I stared at the movie playing on the television and zoned out to my surroundings. Kayden had slumped over, resting his head on my leg. He was out cold; the vodka had finally hit him. His body was curled up, his hands resting between his legs for warmth. He looked like a little boy trying to avoid going to bed.

Jim looked over at me and shrugged his shoulders. I gave him a small smile, not knowing what else to do or say. Kayden snored softly, his chest moving in and out.

“I hate when he drinks so much,” I said to Jim.

“It has to be tough on you,” he replied giving me a sympathetic look. “He’s better than he used to be though, Sophia.”

“Pisses me off that he’s passed out,” I said. Looking down with my words I realized his eyes were open and he heard every word. He didn’t have a smile on his face, but was glaring at me.

“Why did you drink the whole bottle?” I asked him.

“I needed it. Two would have been too much and given me a headache,” Kayden slurred.

I furrowed my brows at the thought of him drinking more than he did tonight and his careless attitude. “It would have given me a headache, too,” I replied.

“Funny, Soph,” Kayden replied closing his eyes again.

I was cranky and my body half frozen, I could almost see my breath, a drunk boyfriend lying in my lap in a place that wasn’t my home—I needed sleep, more than that, I needed this fucking day to end.

“I’m going to bed,” I said moving Kayden off me. He lay back down on the couch… he could find his own way to bed if he wanted. Crawling into the space I kicked off my shoes and pulled the blankets over my fully clothed body. I turned my back to his side of the bed; I didn’t feel like snuggling up to him. Moments later Kayden stumbled into the small space, visibly irritated.

I ignored him, not saying a word, wanting to avoid a fight. Kayden placed his front to my back, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close. Even though I was annoyed with him, I was freezing and welcomed his warmth. Neither of us said a word, I listened for his breathing to slow before drifting off to sleep.

My eyes popped open when I heard a loud click. The electric heater had turned on and the sound of a fan filled the room and Kayden grinded his teeth in my ear. Nothing about this night has been peaceful or refreshing.

I woke early in the morning, laying there staring at the ceiling. I needed coffee and I wanted to go home. I stared at Kayden for a few minutes waiting to see if he’d feel my eyes on him, but he didn’t. I swept my fingertips across his face, trying not to startle him. He stirred before opening his eyes.

“You want to go, baby?” he asked in a sleepy voice.

“Please, love,” I said kissing him on the head.

We climbed out slowly on our hands and knees, our bodies cracking and my muscles aching from sleeping without the ability to stretch out. Kayden woke Jim for a moment, telling him we were heading home as I waited near the door. I couldn’t wait for us to get home, in our bed, and in his arms—a New Year awaited us.

The Countdown

Suzy, her new boyfriend, Sophia, and I gathered in the living room waiting for the final countdown. New York City vibrated with excitement. “Five… Four… Three… Two… One…”

Our champagne glasses clinked together and her face lit in a smile. She looked so full of hope for the future. I plastered a fake grin on my face, but inside I felt nothing. I didn’t have a job, my shit stolen, and penniless. I wanted to make her proud, be the man she deserved—not the fucking wreck I currently am.

“I love you, Sophia,” I said, cupping her face, staring into her eyes. I spent last New Years alone in New Orleans, never expecting to find love before the next ball dropped.

I kissed her passionately, biting her lower lip as I pulled away. “Happy New Year, Kayden. I love you,” she said in a whispered tone. Her smile replaced by a lust-filled burning in her eyes.

“I want to hold you tonight, baby doll,” I motioned towards the bedroom with my head.

The smile returned as she started to pull me towards the bedroom. She had a one track mind at times. She’d changed since I first met her, less shy and more confident in what she wanted.

She closed the door, never taking her eyes off me. She looked at me like a piece of meat and I fucking loved every minute of it. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she began undressing. We watched each other carefully, our eyes never wavering. I need to be buried inside her, as close to her as I could possibly be. I did just that—long and slow.

“Shit,” I muttered reading the message on my phone.

“What?” she asked still half asleep. Fuck, I didn’t want to wake her.

“Lisa sent me a message again,” I said to her as I dropped my phone on the floor.

“Again?” she asked me surprised.

“Yeah, I didn’t want you to get upset… I’m sorry Sophia.” Not knowing how to explain my omission. She looked hurt and I felt like an asshole. We shared everything with each other, except for this one thing. Lisa had been the exception. Not because I was still in love with that viper bitch, but because I wanted to shelter Sophia. I knew how crazy and unstable she could be at times.

“Kayden, stop trying to hide her from me, I won’t do something irrational, it’s not me. Have you saved all her messages like I told you to?”

“Yes, I think you and Jim are right. I need to call my probation officer and share them with him. Maybe they can get her to stop. She’s done enough to me; I shouldn’t have to deal with her verbal abuse and stalking.” I sighed. I didn’t believe that they would do anything, but I’d try anything at this point. I just wanted the bitch out of our fucking lives.

“They’ll listen to you, Kayden. Have some faith,” she said—always the eternal optimist.

“I’ll call tomorrow, baby.”

“Did you hear that?” she asked.

“What?”

“UPS is doing a mass hiring. The news said they are accepting applications online,” she said shaking me. I couldn’t even get an interview at the gas station, how in the fuck did she think I could get a job with UPS.

“Baby, they aren’t going to hire me. I have a record.”

“Just try. You have a misdemeanor, big fucking deal. Maybe their background requirements are different. Come on, for me?” Her eyes grew huge with a smile on her face.

“I’ll apply, but only because you asked me to.” I could never say no to her. She’s done more for me than anyone has in my life, I couldn’t be a dick.

“Okay, do it now,” she said.

“Now? Wouldn’t you rather lay here in my arms instead?”

“We can do that right after you apply,” she reached for the laptop placing in on my legs. “There,” she said.

I filled out the entire online application with her laying against my side. I always cringed when I have to answer questions about my arrest record. I needed to help pay my way, I hated that I needed to depend on her for everything. I should be the one supporting us both. Shame doesn’t even describe my feelings; I wanted a drink to dull my misery.

I’m a Bad Girl

“Come on, Sophia. Go in the water with me. Please,” he begged as he stood near my feet, blocking my view. The warm breeze skimmed across my body, cooling my skin from the harsh Florida sun.