I couldn’t do anything but think about him leaving so soon. The mood had been ruined. We barely spoke at the restaurant; he tried to soothe me with loving touches. As soon as we returned home, I wrapped myself around his body and tried to crawl inside him. I could never be close enough, and this time tomorrow he would be back in NOLA. He made love to me that night, tears streaked down my cheeks the entire time.
I slept horribly that night. Every time I woke up, I cried. My night had been restless and tortured. My eyes were puffy from tears and I tried to prolong his departure. I didn’t want to say goodbye.
When he drove away I almost collapsed. When I knew he could no longer see me I hunched over and sobbed, my tears falling on to the cement. To have him ripped from me in a blink of an eye was excruciating.
It’s Bullshit… Absence Doesn’t Make the Heart Grow Fonder
I didn’t want to leave her so soon. I knew that I would not be able to make it back for at least thirty days, but I prayed I was wrong. It all depended on the amount of destruction the city sustained during the storm. I had driven over eighteen hours during the last couple days to see Sophia. Every moment of the drive was worth even the little time I was able to spend with her.
The journey home seemed so much longer. When I entered the city I was able to see some damage. Trees were knocked down, some neighborhoods had no electricity, street signs were blown away, and debris littered the roadways. It could have been so much worse. The city was breathing a sigh of relief. Many anticipated the storm to be so much worse, especially since it was on the exact anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. I sent pictures to Sophia of everything I saw when I returned. We tried to Skype before we went to bed, but the internet connection was too sketchy due to the storm damage.
I sent her a photo the next morning on my way to work. I snapped one of me exiting my apartment with a smile on my face. I wanted her to think I was all right even though I was a mess inside. I wanted to make her smile when she opened her eyes this morning. When my phone dinged I thought Sophia was awake and responding to my photo. I was wrong … dead wrong.
It was my ex-girlfriend—the woman that had me thrown in jail and discarded me like a piece of trash. Why couldn’t she just leave me alone? There was a no-contact order in place between us; she was able to contact me all she wanted, but I wasn’t supposed to respond. I ignored the message and went into my account and blocked her from sending further messages. I read her message before deleting it from my account.
Lisa: I saw your picture of your new girlfriend on your timeline. She’s not your type.
What a fucking bitch. I didn’t have a type; I loved them all. She must be watching me. Not a good sign for Sophia or myself. She was destructive.
Lisa: Where’s my money?
I wanted to reply to her, but I’d promised Sophia that I’d ignore any message she sent to me. When I stopped for gas I blocked her on my account. Fuck her and her messages. Lisa was my past, Sophia is my future.
Work kept me busy; I had to work the evening I returned home. The storm had damaged the city, but not in the way Katrina had years ago. Trees were down and roofing shingles blown about. The levies held and the city didn’t flood. I immersed myself in my work, trying to keep my mind off the time I missed with Sophia.
My phone chimed while I was collecting my supplies for my next install. I threw the shit in the truck unable to wait to see what Sophia had said. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the screen.
Tammy: You should know that I miss you.
Tammy? I’ve never been with a Tammy. Never fucked or dated one.
Me: I don’t know you.
Tammy: Not so much anymore.
Me: I know that saying. What do you want, Lisa?
She was persistent and sneaky. She had a fake account with a picture of a horse as the profile photo and a generic name. Unknowingly, I accepted her friend request a while back and never knew it.
Tammy: I want to stop thinking about you all the time… You should know that I miss you. I want you back.
Me: Look, we did what we did. But now, I’ve found the perfect woman. Hopefully you’ll find your perfect man someday.
Tammy: I was always picking you up every time. Remember that Kayden, I was always there for you. The past doesn’t matter. I want you back in my life. I love you.
Me: You gave up on us long before I figured it out. You kicked me out and had me arrested. You fucked me in more ways than one.
Tammy: Can’t we start over? I want you… only you.
Me: I don’t want you, Lisa. I am in love with Sophia. Leave me alone, us alone. You tried to break us up once, and it didn’t work. What’s wrong, is your boyfriend not around? Is he not as passionate as I was?
Tammy: You always did know just want to say to make me remember who you really are. Passionate maybe, compassionate never.
Me: I should’ve never let you back in my life after having me arrested. You threw me out like a piece of trash. Can’t have your cake and eat it too. I’ve always been nothing but honest with you.
Tammy: Never mind. It’s sad that you’re so mean now. Just remember though, I love you and miss you.
My stomach turned flashing back to the night of my arrest.
The night crawled as I watched the minutes tick by on the small black and white clock outside my cell. I rested my body on the hard bed, but my mind raced… I needed to figure out a way to make her happy, and maybe she would take me back.
The guard arrived outside my cell early in the morning to escort me to court. I was granted bond and my mother had found a bail bondsman to post in on my behalf. I would have a couple of weeks to meet with my public defender before my appearance in court.
Lisa contacted me shortly after my release. She’d take me back if I agreed to pay her back anything that I destroyed. My heart was overjoyed, and never cared about the money, only Lisa. The public defender said I would be placed on probation and would have to pay restitution to Lisa through the courts if I plead guilty, but Lisa didn’t have the ability to stop the case from moving forward. I just wanted it to be over and to be with Lisa again.
My trial day arrived and I plead guilty and didn’t contest the charges.
“The court accepts your plea, Mr. Michaels. I am withholding adjudication until after your probationary period. Complete your probation and pay court ordered restitution and your record will be cleared and no guilt will be placed upon your record,” the judge said.
My pulse was increasing, and my heart was stammering with the news.
“Also, I am placing a no-contact order on the property and Ms. Jackson. You are not allowed within fifty yards of said property or Ms. Jackson herself. Am I clear Mr. Michaels?” the judge asked.
My heart sank, nausea overcame me, and I felt lightheaded. I couldn’t go home and couldn’t be with Lisa or I’d break probation and be forced to serve jail time. My body was numb.
“Mr. Michaels, do you understand?” the judge asked again.
“Yes judge, I understand,” I said.
Court dismissed, and my lawyer held out his hand to shake mine. I looked at his hand and then to his face, trying to grasp the orders of the judge. My lawyer smiled, but nothing about the verdict, or lack thereof, caused me happiness. I walked past him without hesitation, into the hallway and collapsed on a bench. I had nothing and no one.