„What have you been doing these past few weeks?‟ Mattie asked, diverting the subject and not very subtly. She had yearned to see him again, longed for him with every ounce of her foolish, love-struck being. Sure, she had spent hours nursing her bitterness at what he had done, telling herself that she shouldn‟t be surprised because hadn‟t she put him down as an arrogant swine from the first moment he had swept into her life? But then she hadn‟t been in love with him. Which was what was really hurting now. Knowing what he was and still loving him so much that it was like a constant, pressing pain.
And she was scared as well. Scared at what he would be thinking in an hour from now, when she had told him what she had to tell him. Which was why she was more than happy to play for a little time.
„Working hard.‟ Dominic finished his drink and, as their food was put in front of them, ordered another.
„And playing hard too?‟
„Care to define what you mean by playing hard?‟
„Forget it.‟
„No, I haven‟t been seeing a bevy of women since you. Is that what you mean? Or would you rather shove me into the role of ruthless womaniser along with everything else? The sort of man who would open door two the minute door one closes?‟ This wasn‟t going quite the way he had thought it might and his earlier optimism that they would put their differences behind them was now beginning to bring home to him what a naïve fool he had been.
„I don‟t want to argue with you.‟ Mattie dropped her eyes and wondered what it was she was expecting. Or why she had even come. No, she knew why she had come. She fiddled with the food on her plate, shoving it around in useless circles, finally swallowing a mouthful although it tasted like cardboard.
„Which begs the question, what exactly do you want? And why don‟t we drop the game playing? You‟re enjoying your job, I‟m working hard. How about moving on from that to why you called me out of the blue?‟
„Would you have called me if I hadn‟t gotten in touch with you?‟ Mattie had to ask that.
Another taboo question in so far as she knew she wouldn‟t like the answer, but something still compelled her to ask it.
„You made your position perfectly clear when we last met.‟ Dominic closed his knife and fork, for once deserted by his reliable, hearty appetite. He couldn‟t stomach another mouthful of steak, however good it was. In fact, he felt in dire need of another whisky and soda although he knew it wasn‟t a good idea. „I was the big, bad wolf who had managed to corner innocent Little Red Riding Hood and, even though he managed to secure her a safe passage through the woods and fix her up in a nifty little weatherproof cottage, he was still the big, bad wolf because he should have told her what he was going to do. Should have given her the opportunity to throw his offer back in his face and face her journey through the woods on her own. Hell, if you think I‟m going to tell you that I would have pursued you nevertheless, then you‟ll be waiting forever.‟
Pride. Stubborn pride that had slammed back into place. The galling truth was that he would have contacted her. Made up some spurious excuse, but he would have got in touch with her, just because he would have needed to. Like an addict needing his fix.
„Right.‟
Her silent acceptance of his statement only fuelled his anger. „What did you expect me to say?‟ he pressed, angry with her for the stoniness that had him thrown and angry with himself for not being able to grab hold of some of that legendary self-control for which he was known.
„Nothing. The truth. Which is what you just said.‟ Mattie picked up her glass of water, realised that her hand was shaking, and immediately put the glass back down on the table.
„I‟m glad we understand each other,‟ she said, meeting his eyes with a steadiness that cost her dear. „This way, we can discuss what I have to say like adults.‟
„Discuss…what?‟ Dominic was getting more uneasy by the minute.
„I‟m pregnant.‟
The silence was deafening. It seemed to stretch on and on and on. For hours. If it hadn‟t been all so deadly serious, she might have laughed, seeing this dangerously beautiful man who was usually never lost for words rendered so utterly speechless.
In fact, this bit of it was really just as she had imagined it would be.
Ever since she had found out herself, which had only been a matter of a few hours before.
Now those few hours seemed like a dream, like an event that had occurred months previously. All the questions she had asked herself in her terrified panic were no longer raging inside her head like demons. She was pregnant and that was simply a fait accompli. And lord knew, she would still be ignorant if she hadn‟t been to see her doctor because she had been feeling tired and putting on weight even though her appetite had vanished.
He had asked her the one question she had never asked herself and of course she had denied it. She couldn‟t possibly be pregnant. She was on the contraceptive pill!
„I beg your pardon?‟ Those four words were dropped like stones into a still pond and Mattie forced herself to meet his eyes calmly. At least, as calmly as she could.
„You heard me. I‟m pregnant.‟
„You asked me to come here to tell me this?‟ He shoved his plate to one side all the better to lean across the narrow table and close the space between them.
„Would you rather I had never bothered to tell you?‟ Mattie shot back. „Believe me, it did cross my mind but then, believe it or not, I do happen to possess one or two moral values…‟
„Spare me the trip down hardship lane, Mattie…‟
„I‟m telling you this because I feel you have a right to know that you‟ve fathered a child.
I do apologise if you‟d rather I hadn‟t said anything!‟
Mattie had never wondered what she would feel like if she ever discovered that she was pregnant. The truth was that she had never really considered it at all. She knew, though, that this was not how it should be. In an ideal world, she shouldn‟t be sitting in a bistro breaking this news to a man who wanted a baby about as much as he wanted a rampant dose of the bubonic plague. In an ideal world, she should be sharing this news with joy in her heart to a man who would hold her close and tell her that that was the greatest news he‟d ever had.
Unfortunately life was never ideal and hers, in particular, seemed hell-bent on tripping her up.
Not that there wasn‟t a secret little happiness inside her, growing with each passing minute. A lot of wonder and, underneath the anxiety and doubts and fear, a seed of pleasurable completion was already sending shoots up, making her think how much she wanted this child, conceived in love even if the love was one-sided.
„What I meant is, why did you bring me here to break this news? To this place? How are we supposed to conduct a conversation here, surrounded by people and noise?‟ Dominic looked around him restlessly but then his eyes were back on her face, as if he couldn‟t tear them away for long enough to even scan the room.