“Seriously Elle, don’t, I know you don’t want to.”

I took a small bite and started chewing; his eyes intently watched me as I was eating the Calamari and making faces. He took out his phone and started taking pictures of me, “This is classic,” he laughed. The Calamari wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be.

“Ok bad boy bring on the next one.”

Connor threw his head back and laughed as the waitress brought the scallops and lobster tails. I stabbed a scallop with my fork and held it up to my mouth as he smiled and took a picture. I ate it and to my surprise, enjoyed it. I held up the lobster tail and pouted at it as he took another picture. We both laughed and talked throughout dinner. I will admit I liked it all; this new seafood experience agreed with me. We finished up and left the restaurant. Connor put his arm around me and pulled me close. I put my hand on his chest and my head on his shoulder as we walked to the Range Rover.

We drove till we found a hotel. We only passed a billion of them, but Mr. Fancy pants had to have the best, so we drove out-of-the-way to the Ritz Carlton.

Chapter 20

We pulled up as he let the valet park his Range Rover. He walked up to the desk and gave them his last name. I watched the girls behind the counter giggle and eye him. He must have seen it to because he flashed them his flirty smile. I rolled my eyes.

The bellhop took our suitcases and led us in the elevator. “Welcome to the Ritz Carlton Mr. and Mrs. Black.”

I looked over at Connor as he began to speak, “Oh we’re not…” I cut him off.

“Thank you so much, what my husband is trying to say is that we will not be staying long.” Connor gave me a perplexed look.

The elevator took us to the Presidential Suite. The door opened, and I glanced over at Connor, “The presidential suite, really, for one night?”

“I will have nothing but the best room for my beautiful wife. Isn’t my wife beautiful?” Connor asked the bellhop with a wide grin.

“Yes sir, she’s very beautiful.” I glared at Connor and then smiled at the bellhop.

“Darling husband, make sure you tip this nice young man well.”

He pulled out a wad of money from his pocket and started thumbing through the bills. I walked over to him and grabbed a hundred-dollar bill and handed it to the bellhop. “Do you have a wife or girlfriend?” I asked.

“Yes I do, thank you ma’am.”

“Go buy her something beautiful, perhaps a nice necklace.” Connor looked at me and clenched his jaw.

“Thank you ma’am, sir, thank you,” he said excitedly as he walked out shutting the door behind him.

“Really, a hundred-dollar tip?”

“Well, it’s what you tipped the cab driver.”

“Cab driver, what are you talking about?”

“The night I brought you home, I had to pay the driver, and I didn’t have enough money, so I went in your wallet and gave him a hundred; that was before you told you were going to fuck me really hard.”

His jaw dropped, “I said that to you?”

I smiled, “Yeah, but you were drunk, so I forgave.”

He started walking towards me, “A hundred dollars” he kept saying as he was smiling with a playful look in his eyes.

“Connor, relax, it’s only money, and you said yourself you have plenty of it.”

He was heading straight for me. I screamed and ran behind a chair; he started to chase me around the suite saying over and over, “A hundred dollars.”

He caught me as I ran into the bedroom and he threw me on the bed. He straddled me and pinned my arms over my head. We were both out of breath as he looked down at me staring into my eyes. I stopped fighting him and held his gaze; my heart was racing, and my skin was on fire. My body ached for him, and my lips begged him to kiss me. He held my wrists and lowered his head till his lips lightly brushed against mine. He looked at me again and let go of my wrists. He softly stroked my cheek with the back of his hand and stared into my eyes as I moved my hands through his hair. He swallowed hard as I could hear the rapid beating of his heart; he felt the same way as I did. He stared at me as if he was searching my soul; then his lips touched mine as we kissed, and he fell into me as our tongues met for the first time. This was our first kiss, and it was filled with such passion and emotion. He was gentle and not forceful. He took his time exploring my mouth in such a way that made me feel loved. He abruptly broke our kiss and pulled back, getting off me and sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry Elle, I can’t.”

He can’t? He basically rapes my mouth and now he sits there and says he can’t? A wave of hurt and rejection overtook my body.

“Why not Connor, because I’m not one of your whores?” The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them.

He got up and wouldn’t look at me. “You’re not a whore, and I just can’t Elle.”

I sat up and pleaded with him. “Please just tell me what’s wrong and why you don’t want me?”

“I do want you Ellery that’s the problem; I want you too fucking much.”

“How is that a problem?” I yelled.

He turned and looked at me with rage in his eyes. “You don’t want to know the real me. I’m not a good person; I use women for sex. I can’t have real relationships; I don’t want to.”

“We don’t have to have a relationship; we can just be friends with benefit.”

Yep, there it was, the thing I hated the most I just yelled to the man I was falling in love with. He stood there and ran his hands through his hair. I stepped closer to him, “Connor, please, I need you.” A single tear fell from my eye.

“Don’t Elle, don’t do this to me, to us; I can’t sleep with you.”

Anger and rage grew inside me. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer or explanation, so I did what I do best.

“Fuck you Connor Black, just fuck you.” I turned and walked out of the room, grabbed my purse and headed towards the door. Connor followed after me.

“Don’t you dare walk out that door Ellery,” he yelled.

I put my hand on the knob and held it there for a second as I took in a deep breath. I started to open the door when Connor came up from behind me and slammed it shut. He turned me around and pushed me against the door.

“I fuck women for the pleasure that’s it, there’s no emotion for me when I fuck them; there never has been.” More tears fell from my cheeks.

“I seduce them, use them, fuck them and leave them. Is that what you want? Is that how you want me to treat you?” he screamed at me. “You are different Ellery, and you scare me. You make me feel things I never have before. You’re all I think about day and night. I feel empty inside when you’re not around. Don’t you understand? It isn’t supposed to be this way, and if I sleep with you this will all be ruined.”

“What happened to you to make you this way?” I whispered.

He looked away from me as he still had my body pinned against the door.

“I had a girlfriend when I was eighteen. She started to become obsessive and wanted to spend every waking minute with me. It became too much to try to keep her happy and I felt like I was suffocating, so I broke up with her.” He paused and looked up at me as his eyes started to fill with tears.

“She committed suicide 2 days later. She left a note explaining if she couldn’t have me then she didn’t want to live and told everyone to blame me for her suicide.” He took my wrists and turned them up.

“You see, this is why I feel sad when I see these on you. It’s a reminder of what I did, and how I killed her.” I gasped at his words as I broke his grip and cupped his face in my hands.

“You did nothing wrong, it wasn’t your fault she killed herself. It was her weakness and inability to cope; you cannot blame yourself.”

“I swore after that I would never fall in love or get emotionally involved with another woman, but with you it’s too late, I’m already emotionally attached and I’m doing everything I can to stop myself, but I can’t.” He turned away, his breathing rapid.