Now, with Alayna, it’s suddenly possible.

Without looking at her, I sense her astonishment. She’s not the one I meant to shock, and I feel a bit guilty. This should have been a conversation first discussed in private. A second rush of fury washes over me at being put in this position in the first place. I smother it by focusing on my plate, taking another bite of my dinner.

Despite the unfortunate timing of my declaration, it hits its mark. “Are you talking marriage and children already? It’s early for that, Hudson. Incredibly early.”

“Oh Mother, don’t be so old-fashioned. You don’t need to be married to have children.” I take a swallow of my wine. “And what Alayna and I are discussing is frankly none of your business.”

Sophia’s eyes narrow. “You brought it up.”

“I was stating that I could father a child, and that would continue both your precious bloodline and your precious name.” I’m calm, in control, even as I reveal myself. “And the only person I could ever imagine wanting to have a child with is Alayna.”

Before when we were with my mother, my relationship with Alayna was a ruse. Though much of what was supposed to be pretend was actually very real, this is the moment where Alayna has to know exactly how sincere I am about us. Because I’m very serious.

After everything my mother has said and done this evening, it seems it’s this pronouncement that has caused the most tension.

“Hudson, I…” Alayna stiffens at my side, and I’m afraid I’ve gone too far. Scared her off. For the first time, it occurs to me that she may not be as invested in me as I am in her.

No, I can’t think about that. She’s probably just uncomfortable with all the eyes pinned on us.

I place my hand on her leg to reassure her—to reassure me—and apologize with my eyes before turning to my mother. “The point is that you need to let the past go, Mother. There is still a future to look forward to. For all of us.” For me and Alayna.

I turn my focus back to my girlfriend. As my hand strokes up and down her thigh, I tell her with my eyes words I wish I could say. Our future is bright, Alayna. You are the only one who matters to me. I’m with you. I love you. Always.

My gaze is locked with hers, so I notice her eyes fill. God, please let those be happy tears.

She excuses herself to use the powder room.

My mother barely waits until Alayna’s out of earshot before she starts in. “Well, look, Hudson. You scared her off with your talk of a future. She’s smart enough to know there’s no such thing with a man like you.”

“Oh, stop it,” Mirabelle says. “If anyone scared her off, it was you.”

Warmth spreads through my chest. I do have a great kid sister. This isn’t a revelation, but rather a reminder. I’ll have to remember to tell her thanks sometime.

As for everyone else, I’m ready to be done with them. I wipe my mouth with my napkin and stand. “Actually, Mother, powder room is our code for DTF.”

Mirabelle and Celia gasp while Adam tries to hide a laugh. Chandler even looks up from his phone, his eyes wide in admiration.

I cross to my mother’s chair, and before she can ask what it means, I say, “Google it. You’ll learn something.” I bend to kiss her cheek. “Happy birthday, Mother. Perhaps next year you can manage to make it through the meal without running anyone off.”

“You’re charming as always, Hudson,” she says, her words drenched in sarcasm.

“Aren’t I?”

As I head to the bathrooms, I hear Chandler laughing as he explains to my mother, “It means down to fuck, Mom. He means he’s meeting Alayna for a booty call.”

I’m still smiling when I make it to the restrooms. I use the facilities, taking time to clean up a bit from our earlier tryst on the roof. When I leave, I notice Mirabelle heading into the women’s restroom. And Celia heading out.

She sees me and starts toward me. I realize that this is it. I can’t avoid talking to her any longer.

Fortunately, she doesn’t look angry. A tiny smirk rests on her lips. It’s playful. As if she’s going to scold me, but that’s all.

I’m hopeful.

“So…?” she asks.

I glance behind her toward the women’s room, afraid Alayna may walk out any minute, or that I’ve already missed her.

“She’s still in there,” Celia says, guessing at my worry. “She’s fine. Now spill.”

I run a hand through my hair, wishing I’d dealt with this earlier. “I’m sorry. I should have called you.”

“Probably.” She folds her arms over her chest. “Did you decide you needed more time with the game, then?”

It crosses my mind that I could let her believe that. I could explain that this time with Alayna is just a chance to further gain her affections. That doesn’t sit right, though. Not only will it cause more problems in the future, but I don’t want to lie about my feelings anymore. Especially my feelings about Alayna. “No, the game is over. This is…this is real.”

Her brow furrows. “Are you…? I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not. Did you…”she pauses as if she can’t believe the question she’s about to ask “…fall in love with her?”

It’s a betrayal to say it out loud to someone before telling Alayna, but it’s necessary. “I did. I am. In love with her.”

The scene is surreal—Celia and I discussing love in a nonclinical context. She’s as baffled by it as I am. “But you’ve never—”

I cut her off. “No, I haven’t ever. It’s the first time. I’m…I’m…” I don’t have the words for all that I’m feeling. It’s partly why I haven’t reached out to her before this.

“You’re speechless.” Her eyes are wide but also bright. She lets out a laugh. “God, I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Neither have I.”

“Wow.” She brings her hand to cover her mouth, suppressing another awkward laugh. “I’m so surprised. Forgive me if I seem flustered. I’m just really, really surprised.”

“You’re not the only one.” My eyes dart back to the restroom as another woman goes in. Alayna still hasn’t emerged.

“And she’s in love with you too?” Celia calls my attention back with this question.

This I don’t hesitate to answer. “I really think she is.” I know she is. There’s not a doubt in my mind, and I want to shout it from every rooftop.

“I think you’re right. The way she looks at you…” Celia sighs. Then her eyes crinkle in distrust. “You promise you aren’t trying to pull one over on me? You really feel something for her?”

It’s funny how she’s as suspicious of me as I am of her. “I promise. This is the real thing.” Now, the most important thing. “Which is why I can’t play this game anymore.”

I brace myself for her reaction, holding my breath as I wait.

“Of course not.” Her expression says she’s appalled that I even mentioned the game. “I mean, I knew you were into her, but I thought it was just sex and that’s why I was pushing you to keep playing. I had no idea it was serious.”

I’m not sure what she’s saying. “Are you…okay…with this then?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? You mean because of the scheme? Is that why you were so distant during dinner? Did you think I’d be upset about this?”

It’s my turn to be shocked. “You’ve never been one to drop an experiment.”

“No, I haven’t. But this is a totally different situation.” She bites her lip. “I’m worried it’s too late though. We’ve already pushed her too far.”

I tense. “What do you mean?”

“In the bathroom just now. She…” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “It’s probably nothing, but she cornered me. Verbally attacked me.”

My stomach knots. I’d thought I’d eased Alayna enough regarding me and Celia, but apparently I haven’t. “What did she say?”

She shakes her head dismissively. “It doesn’t matter what she said exactly. But she was possessive. It seemed to be a repeat of behavior straight out of her file. I think she may already be relapsing.”

I don’t believe this in the least. Alayna’s issues all stem from my own secretive relationship with Celia. It’s a natural response, not a relapse. “I’m not concerned about it.”