“If you want some expert advice, tell him while there’s still time,” Bess suggested.

Meredith hugged the blond-haired woman. “Thanks,” she said huskily. “I love him so much, you know, and it was like a dream come true when he married me. Maybe I was afraid to let myself be happy with him, afraid of being hurt, of losing him again. I guess I just lost my perspective.”

“Blake probably lost his for the same reason. Get over there and fight for what you have.”

“Ever thought about joining the army?” Meredith murmured on her way out the door. “You’d make a dandy drill sergeant.”

“The marines offered, but then I found out they expected me to take showers with the men.” Bess grinned. “Bobby would never approve of that!”

Meredith laughed and waved as she got into her car and sped back up to the house. Bless Bess for making things so clear. It was going to be all right now. She’d tell Blake the real reason she’d insisted on the tours, and it would smooth over the tension.

She got out of the car and ran into the house, but there was no sound. Odd. She was sure Sarah had been playing in the living room.

She wandered into the kitchen, but there was no one there except Amie.

“Where is everybody?” Meredith asked, excitement shining in her eyes as she savored speaking to Blake.

Amie looked at her worriedly. “Surely Blake told you, Merry,” she said hesitantly.

Meredith blinked. “Told me what?”

“Why, that he was taking Sarah to the Bahamas for a few days,” Amie said, dropping the bombshell.

Meredith knew her face was like rice paper, but she managed to smile. “Oh. Yes. Of course. It slipped my mind.”

“You’re crying!” Amie put down her dishcloth and hugged Meredith. “Poor little thing,” she mumbled, patting the weeping woman. “He didn’t tell you, did he?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry.”

Meredith reached into her pocket for a tissue and wiped her red eyes. “I’ve given him a hard time lately,” she said. “It’s no more than I deserve.” She took a deep breath. “I have to fly to Boston in the morning, but when I come back, that’s the end of my traveling. I won’t go on tour again. Not ever.”

Amie searched her white face. “Don’t do that,” she said unexpectedly.

“What?”

“Don’t do it. If you let him get the upper hand now, if you ever let him start ordering your life, you’ll never be your own person again,” she said simply. “He’s a good man in many ways, but he has a domineering streak a mile wide. If you let him, he’ll tell you how to breathe. I know you want peace with him, but don’t sacrifice your freedom for it.”

Meredith felt torn. Bess had said give in, Amie was saying don’t. She didn’t know what to do anymore. Who was right? And what should she do?

Her heart shattered, she went upstairs to pack. What had begun as a beautiful marriage had turned sour. It was partly her fault, but Blake was as much to blame. She wondered if he was able to admit fault. Somehow she didn’t think so.

Boston was lovely. She did her autographing and stayed an extra day to enjoy the historic places and spend a little time in the local library. But her heart was broken. Blake had gone away without her, without even asking if she wanted to go with him. She didn’t know if she even wanted to go home again.

She did go home again, of course—to an empty house. She and Amie ate together and Meredith worked on her newest book because there was nothing else to do. And all the while she wondered what Blake and Sarah were doing. Most of all, she wondered if his eye was wandering to a more domestic kind of woman, one who would be content to stay at home and have his babies.

She stopped writing and sat with her head in her hands, daydreaming about having Blake’s child. Even though they hadn’t taken precautions she hadn’t conceived. In a way that was a shame. A baby might have helped bring them together. On the other hand, if Blake decided to leave her, it would be better for both of them if there were no blood ties.

Leave her. She closed her eyes. If Blake should leave her… She couldn’t bear even to think of it. She loved him so, missed him so. Tears ran down her cheeks, blinding her. If only he could love her back….

* * *

Blake, meanwhile, was riding around New Providence in a jitney with Sarah at his side, smiling as she enthused over the beautiful flowers and the unbelievable colors of the ocean and the whiteness of the sand. If Meredith had been with them, it would truly have been paradise.

His eyes darkened at the thought. Meredith. He hadn’t really given her a chance, he supposed. Her traveling made him mad and he’d pushed her out of his life because she refused to stop. In a way he was glad she had the spirit to stand up to him. But in another, he felt miserable because she was telling him he was nothing compared to her career. It hurt far more than Nina’s betrayal. Because he hadn’t loved Nina. And he…cared…for Meredith.

He couldn’t bear to think about her. He’d come down here with Sarah to hurt her. Probably she was in tears when Amie told her they had gone. His face hardened. She was going to take a long time to forgive him for that slap in the face. He was sorry he’d done it. He’d been hurting and wanted to strike back, but now it all seemed so petty and unnecessary. Being cruel wasn’t going to win Meredith back. He sighed. He didn’t quite have the hang of marriage yet. But he was going to work at learning how when he got back. He had to. He couldn’t bear to lose Meredith. These past few cold weeks had made his life hell, especially at night. He missed her soft body, her quiet breathing next to him. He missed her laughter and the lazy talks they’d had late at night. He missed a lot. He only hoped he hadn’t left things too late.

“Sarah,” he said, “how would you like to go home tomorrow?”

“I’d like that, Daddy,” she said. “I miss Merry something awful!”

“Yes, so do I,” he murmured under his breath.

* * *

Meredith was sitting at the computer with her reading glasses on when she heard the front door open.

“Merry!” Sarah Jane cried, and flung herself at Meredith to hug her convulsively. “Merry, why didn’t you come with us? We had such fun, but it was lonely without you!”

“It was lonely without you, too, baby.” Meredith sighed, hugging Sarah close.

She heard Blake’s step in the hall, and her heart ran away. Her body quivered. She didn’t look up because she didn’t dare. He’d hurt her enough. She wasn’t giving him any more openings.

“Hello, Meredith,” he said quietly.

She lifted cool gray eyes to his. “Hello, Blake. I hope you had a pleasant time.”

He shifted. He had a faint sunburn, but he looked almost gaunt. She realized that he’d honed down a little, too, during their cold war, and guilt made her throat constrict.

“It was all right,” he said coolly. “How have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve had a ball,” she said nervously, hiding her lack of confidence from him. She smiled at Sarah. “I went to autograph in Boston and researched a new book while I was there.”

Blake’s expression closed up. He’d imagined her sitting home crying, and she’d been in Boston working on another damned book. He turned on his heel without another word and left her sitting there.

“And I’m going to have a party and everything, Merry, ’cause Daddy said so!” Sarah was chattering excitedly. She looked pretty. Her hair was neatly combed and she had on a soft, lightweight cotton dress with red and beige patterns on it, obviously bought for her in the Bahamas. Blake had even put a bow in her hair.

“A party?” Meredith echoed. She hadn’t been listening, because the cold look on Blake’s face had hit her hard. She’d put her foot in it again by raving about her trip.

“My birthday, Merry!” Sarah said with forced patience.

“That’s right,” Meredith said. “It’s coming up.”

“And we have to have a party,” Sarah said. “Dani can come, and you and Daddy, and we can have cake.”