Yeah. I make out in hot tubs all the time.

“Good. Don’t think anymore.”

No time for quilts, Levy.

This time, I tried to put my tongue in his mouth first and wiggle it around. I heard him murmur something that sounded like approval, (at least I hoped so. Did I hit a cavity?), and then we were slowly, gently, lying back against the tiled wall of the tub. I felt us sliding down, but I didn’t want to say anything.

“Is this okay?” he breathed into my neck.

“Yeah,” I whispered back. My tongue felt numb from all the kissing and the whiskey. He ran his hands up the sides of my legs, past my hips, and stopped just below my chest, holding me there.

“Damn, you are just one hot mama.”

I started giggling. I couldn’t help it. And once I started I couldn’t stop.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nobody’s ever called me a hot mama before.”

“Well, they should have, because you are.”

He started kissing up my arms to my shoulders and into my neck. Agh! Just stay away from the ears, please stay away from the ears. He must have sensed me tensing up, because he came back to my face and found my lips again. And now his hands were moving up, inside my shirt, closing in around my bra.

“I want to do everything with you. I want to explore you,” he whispered.

I could feel my breath catch. Everything? What did that mean? Did he want to go all the way? Right here? Right now? I mean, I guess we needed to before we invested in real estate together, but … It was all going so fast. I needed to at least make a phone call first. Phoebe!

“What do you think of that?” he said.

“Everything?” I sounded like a squeaking chipmunk.

“Yeah, everything.” He traced a finger down my nose. I tried to blink the world into focus, but the sky was still moving so fast behind his head. Then I concentrated on staring just at one of his eyebrows, but it kept moving, too. I wished everything would just stop for a second so I could catch up. I mean, I had imagined this moment for so long. My first time. But I had never pictured it in a hot tub surrounded by towering fir trees in the middle of Nowheresville, Vermont, with a guy who wore goggles and cherry ChapStick, and whom I had just met that day.

“Right here?” I managed to get out.

“Or we could go up to your room,” he said, smoothing my hair.

I thought of kids from school — Sara Spencer and Kevin Mallon, Alissa Paulson and Andy Trotts. People were doing it all the time. What was I so scared of? Drew was hotter than both those guys. And older. But … but …

“But, I mean, I don’t know anything about you,” I said. I hoped I didn’t sound whiny.

Drew laughed softly. “So sweet,” he said. “What do you want to know?”

“Um, I don’t know. What’s your favorite food?” Nice, Levy. C’mon. You can do better than that. But Drew just smiled.

“Cheese ravioli with my mom’s marinara sauce.”

Okay, good answer. He had family values.

“Favorite book?”

“Hmm, I’m more of a magazine guy than books. Sports Illustrated, you know, Maxim, sometimes GQ.”

Okay, well at least he read.

“All right, here’s a hard one. Name one reason why I shouldn’t like you.” To be honest, I hadn’t thought of that one by myself. It was from this movie Phoebe and I rented about these kids at summer camp. It was kind of silly I guess, but Drew took it seriously. His eyebrows came together and he bit his lip.

“Hmm. That is a hard one. I mean, I think you should like me. But if I have to say something then … I guess I’m kinda impetuous. Like I see what I want and I go after it. Is that okay?” He came in for another kiss.

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Better than “I killed a man once” or “I eat babies with duck sauce.”

“Do you feel like you know me a little better now?” he asked, grinning.

“I guess …”

“Good, because you still haven’t answered my question….”

Think, Levy. Think!

“Well, do you want to know more about me?” I said, trying to bat my eyelashes like I’d seen Liz do before.

“Sure. Right.” He sighed. “Okay, favorite food?”

“Cold pizza! Or really thick bread with butter. The grainy kind. Sometimes garlic potatoes, but they have to be cooked with milk, and I love split pea soup. Especially with —”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” said Drew.

“Sorry.”

“Okay, what else?” he said.

“No, you ask me another,” I instructed.

“Right … um, favorite book?”

“Catcher in the Rye.”

“Who’s that by?”

I bit my lip. Definite points off.

But not everyone can be a nerd, Levy. Give him a break.

“J. D. Salinger.”

“Okay, sorry, never heard of him. And the ten-thousand-dollar question of the night … will you sleep with me?” He ducked his face into the water until just his eyes were showing. Did he know I was a sucker for eyes? I tried to smile, but I felt scared and a little bit nauseous. He bobbed up until he was just next to my face, waiting. I had to say something.

“I don’t know…. It’s a little cold out here.” My voice shook. My tongue felt heavy, but I kept going. “And upstairs … um, Jeremy and I are sharing a room, so that might not work.” I know you’re not supposed to start a long-term relationship by lying, but I was desperate. “Maybe for tonight we could just do some more kissing and stuff first. You know, get to know each other some more …”

I was definitely breathing like Darth Vader now, but I couldn’t help it. I needed all the air I could get.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Drew said slowly. Then he leaned back against the wall next to me and sighed. I looked at the outline of his nose as he gazed up into the trees. His eyes were closed.

Levy! What had I done?

I put my hand on his then tried to sound soft and seductive as I said, “I mean, I had a really good time tonight.” He didn’t answer.

“I really like kissing you,” I said, even lower, touching his shoulder.

“Yeah, I like kissing you, too.” His voice was kind of flat, and his eyes were still closed. Was he going to sleep?

Don’t give up, Levy. Just say something. Anything.

“And that was really fun doing karaoke before. Don’t you think? Hey! Why didn’t you get up and sing?”

“I can’t sing,” he said.

It was actually true. I had heard him trying to hum along when Stevie D. was up there and Drew was totally off-key, but of course I said, “Of course you can! Anyone can sing! I mean, we can’t all be Liz.”

“Yeah, Liz looked really hot up there,” he said.

I waited for him to continue, but he was quiet. Wasn’t he going to say anything about me up there?

“Yeah, she did,” I added limply.

“Oh, I mean, you looked great up there, too!” He opened his eyes and moved in toward me again. “You were behind Dina most of the time, but I was watching you. You looked really good. And hey —” I felt his arm circling around me again. A shiver ran up my spine. “I had a really good time tonight, too,” he whispered, kissing me lightly on the tip of my nose.

Okay, keep the down payment, Levy. Hold off on the dogs. But we’re still in the game. I hope.

“Hey, whaddaya say we head back in, huh? It’s pretty frickin’ cold out here and I’ve got to teach again tomorrow, you know.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“And you, my girl, have a slope to conquer.” He picked himself up out of the tub and grabbed a towel from the edge. I followed him out.

“Right.” At least he had called me “my girl.” That was something, right? Ugh. I didn’t feel sure of anything anymore. I was going to be sixteen in a few months, and I had just messed up my one chance to have sex in a hot tub with a guy who had bedroom eyes and skied in the Olympics and loved his mom’s ravioli. What was I doing? Why was I such a loser? And now that I was standing upright, the ground was rocking slowly and I had trouble walking in a straight line.