He tensed underneath her. Then Peyton felt his warm hands rest on her cheeks before he pulled her back and bent his knees to face her. She was shocked to see the tears in his eyes.

“I hate that, for the last four years, I’ve made you feel like you weren’t enough for me, Peyton. It wasn’t that at all. You were more than enough. No answer I give you is worth you forgiving me. No damn answer.” His thumb brushed the tears away.

The door to be truthful was finally open.

She looked him straight in the eye. “Did you cheat on me, Callum?”

When he didn’t answer right away, her heart gave way. Falling, burning, and faltering. The breaths she inhaled added coldness to the heat, intensifying the pain rather than extinguishing it. She wasn’t sure how to react if he said that he had. A slap in the face wouldn’t be satisfying. She thought a knee in the crotch might be enough.

Callum closed his eyes and breathed out heavily. “Would it be easier when we say goodbye if you thought I did?”

Thought. Not that he had. But it didn’t matter. Goodbye was still looming. The reason back then didn’t matter anymore. It was here and right now that mattered.

“No,” she replied, her voice had strained. The concept that he could have been with another girl killed her inside.

He gave her a tight smile. “Then no. I didn’t cheat on you, Peyton. You were all I saw. I was lost in all that you were. There was no chance that I wanted someone else when I had you. I was faithful until the end.”

Until the end.

Peyton believed him.

She moved away from Callum and sat back in the middle of her bed, letting her legs dangle over the edge of the bed. He hesitated a moment before he unzipped the hoodie he was wearing and let it fall to the floor. Then he took off his shoes, leaving them by the bed, before he climbed on the bed and Peyton patted her lap. She knew he understood what she meant the moment he positioned his feet near her pillows and lay his head in her lap. He looked up at her as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“Sometimes,” she said as she continued to glide her fingers through his locks.

“Yes?” Callum stopped her left hand and held it in his.

She made a small smile. All so familiar.

“I wish you had cheated on me…that someone else had gotten in the way of us. That it wasn’t me who had changed your heart. That you had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t me. I’d rather know you fell in love with someone else than know that I didn’t make you happy. That I couldn’t make you love me.”

Truth.

She let her free hand fall to his jaw and softly trailed her fingers down. “Your leaving hurt me. Not because I lost the person I loved, but because I also lost my best friend. I had to figure out a life without you. And I missed you. A lot. Nobody got me the way you did. Not Jay and not even Graham.”

Then she paused and brushed the wetness that had escaped from the side of his eye. “I’ve missed you, Callum. You were the part of me I loved the most about myself.”

Callum let her hand go and sat up. Just as she was about to ask him what he was doing, he placed his hand on her shoulder and pushed her back on the pillows. He moved her so she was lying on her side before he settled next to her. Once he pulled her hair away from the side of her face, he moved in close, his mouth near her ear.

She was losing control. And she didn’t care. She was giving it up…for sometimes moments. And she knew this was one of them. For her, it would be.

“I’ve missed you, Pey. I’ve missed you so damn much that I got your name tattooed on me. The cherry blossoms that wrap around my arm are symbolic of you. It was the only way I could feel close to you,” he whispered in her ear.

She thought his heartbeat was her favourite sound he made. But it was actually the way he whispered and the way it made her heart ache and beat freely.

“Callum, we need a safe word,” she said, looking at the Polaroid of them on the bedside table.

“Why?” he asked as he settled his chin on the top of her head.

“When this becomes too much. When we step over the concept of now. When one of us can’t get over forever. Or when one of us can’t take it anymore.”

“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious—that’s our safe word,” he said softly. “Close your eyes and let me hold you now, for as long as I can.”

His voice sounded beautiful, and she let her eyelids fall. As she listened to his breathing until it finally settled, Peyton kept her eyes close. With one last sigh, he held her tight against his body before relaxing. After listening to each inhale and exhale Callum made, Peyton slowly opened her eyes. With a turn of her head, she was able to confirm that he was asleep.

This is when I know he loves me.

When he holds me in his sleep.

When he’s exposed and vulnerable.

When he can’t hide behind his fears and excuses.

When I know that there’s still hope…

That he can love me again.

A tear fell before Peyton whispered to herself, “Super-cali-fragi-listic-expi-ali-docious.”

A fter the bed dipped, a cool breeze fluttered over and settled on her arm and the side of her face. An arm wrapped over her, and she moved, her eyes slowly opening. A groan left her as she turned her head.

“It’s me,” Callum whispered, and she smiled, still half asleep.

She lay her head back down and closed her eyes. “You should go home, Callum. I don’t want you to get sick,” she said.

“Turn around for me,” he instructed.

Peyton turned in his arms, her forehead against his chest as he held her tight against him.

“You’re still burning up, Pey.”

She snuggled into him. “I haven’t been able to stay awake. Dad might take me to the hospital if I still can’t stand tomorrow. Is Mrs West’s cat still lying next to me? I’m too weak to make him move. Is Mr Lucky comfortable?”

Callum chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “There’s no cat here, Peyton.”

She raised her head, her eyes slowly opening. “Are you sure? He was by my feet just before.”

“Mr Lucky isn’t in your room. Close your eyes and get some sleep. We might have to take you to the hospital tomorrow, Peyton. You’re burning up. I’ll go get you a cold rag,” he said, his hold on her loosening.

She gripped his shirt. “No. I’m freezing. Just hold me. Make sure you let Mr Lucky out the window when he wants to leave.”

He laughed lightly. “Okay, I’ll be sure to let him out. Goodnight, Peyton.”

Peyton’s head fell and she slowly let go of his shirt. “Goodnight, Mr Lucky.”

Somewhere far away, she heard his beautiful laugh. Her head weighed too much to process another thought and her eyelids were too heavy to open. His hands rubbed circles on her back and her body no longer felt like her own.

Like a dream, she heard someone whisper, “I love you, Peyton.”

“I love you, too, Mr Lucky. But I think that I’m in love with Callum. He’ll let you out soon. Be a good kitty.”

Blink.

Breathe in.

Blink.

Breathe out.

Blink twice.

And repeat.

All night, Peyton repeated the cycle of blinks and breaths. The way Callum held her through the night reminded her of when she was sick. That night, she’d been delirious, not really sure what was actual reality and what was the result of an extreme case of the flu. She had dreamed that Callum had said that he loved her, but she knew it was a dream. He never said anything when she woke.