When he saw me, he ran forward and held me in his arms. Rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel how much he needed to be hugged and we stood that way for a long time.
“What’s going on?” I said finally.
He looked at me annoyed and confused for a moment and then shook his head. “Please, you have to know I had nothing to do with anything bad that may have happened to Brian. I thought he was a nice kid and a really interesting subject.”
I laughed a little at the way he said it. “Yeah,” I said. “I know you did.”
“Don’t let Declan and Becky go to the police.”
“I can’t make Syd and her friends do anything,” I said.
He held both my hands and squeezed them and looked intently into my face.
“You can, though. You can influence her. You can talk to her. Listen, you and me understand each other. I know we do. We know what it’s like to be shy and outside and different and see things that other people don’t.”
He was staring at me so intensely and his face was beautiful and pale in the starlight. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes looked dark and frightened like an animal’s.
“I don’t know anything about this,” I said. “If you have some information the police need maybe you could just give it to them yourself. You can explain that you were working on this documentary. You just give them what you have. I don’t think they would take it away from you.”
He looked like he was thinking about it. “I’m afraid,” he said.
“Don’t be afraid. People know you don’t mean any harm. You could be a hero.” I watched a wave of relief pass over his face.
“I don’t know how I got to have you in my life,” he said. And then he held me and kissed me. He laid the blanket down in the dewy leaf-strewn grass and then we lay down together beside the burbling fountain. He put his hands inside my sweatshirt and I held his head and kissed him.
Being beside him, and taking care of him that way, made my heart race and when he pressed himself against me I did not say no. I did not push him away. I held him tight and felt our hearts beating in unison. Felt our hearts beating as one. And I knew then I would protect him. Just like I had always protected Syd.
When I slipped back into my room at three a.m. she was awake. Sitting up in bed with her arms folded.
“Where were you?”
“I went for a walk,” I said. Already feeling like this was some kind of weird role reversal.
“A walk into Graham’s backyard?”
I could feel my face flushing. She took Sparkle Pig from her bed and threw it at me. “What the hell are you doing, Ally? What is going on?”
“Graham’s worried you and your friends are going to report him to the police.”
“Don’t you ever wonder why he is so freaked-out about the police?”
“No,” I said. “Lots of people are freaked-out by the police. You and your pothead friends are freaked-out by the police.”
“Don’t you wonder why he goes to school only when he feels like it and he’s always hanging around with his cameras and he acts so spaced-out?”
“We both know the answers to those questions,” I said simply. I was not going to get into her hysterical immature way of being. And frankly I didn’t care. It might have been one of the most special nights of my life and I wasn’t going to let her ruin it with her negative way of thinking.
“Ally,” she said. “I’m worried about you. Graham has made a bunch of weird movies and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with them or with selling them to strangers online. He made one of Brian and he made one of Becky and God knows who else. We watched some of them yesterday and thinking that anyone could get ahold of these is really scary.”
“It’s no different than Facebook,” I said. “It’s the same as having a Tumblr account.” Which were things I had heard Graham say before.
“It’s very different from Facebook,” Syd said.
“Listen,” I said. “He knows what the right thing to do is and he’ll do it. It’s not up to us to go to the police or mess with his life.”
“Oh my God, Ally! It’s totally up to us. If we have information and we do nothing about it and something happens to Brian, it will be our fault too. We will have helped the person who took him.”
“That’s assuming the person who took him had any knowledge of Graham’s movies, which they probably didn’t.”
“But even if there is only the slightest chance they did, it should be reported.”
“He’s going to go to the police himself.”
“What? How do you know?” Syd asked.
“Because I asked him to,” I said simply. “Because he knows it’s the right thing to do. You can’t blame him for being scared. After the way his whole life was turned upside down.”
“How was his whole life turned upside down?” she asked. “I don’t think anyone has any clue what happened in Virginia.”
“I have a clue,” I said quietly
“What?” she whispered fiercely. “Ally, tell me.”
“He and Eric made some movies and they got in trouble for it. The same kind of thing I guess where they were young and Eric’s family thought the movies were really offensive. Also they were filming and not paying attention and they crashed the Austin. I think actually they may have crashed the Austin on purpose because of how it would look on film and then that’s where all the trouble started. After that they found all the other movies and Eric’s family made a big deal of it and sued Graham’s family and they haven’t seen each other since even though they were friends since they were three. Can you imagine not being able to talk to Becky ever again?”
“Yes, okay, I get that some weird shit happened, but what were the movies? Do you think they were . . . Do you think they were like porn or something?” Even as she said it, I could see it interested her more than disgusted her.
“No,” I said. “I don’t. He’s too shy, you don’t know him like I do. I think they were probably something as silly as Becky smoking or Brian talking about X-Men. Just nothing. He said they thought they were making something that expressed how beautiful life was, but people twisted it the wrong way. He said he has only one copy of the movie left that no one knows about and he’s going to make it part of a bigger movie and then sell it—maybe get an art agent or a gallery interested in his stuff. But he’s had to hide all these things and if he had to go to the police, it would ruin everything he’s worked for and get him in more trouble and probably make his parents take his camera away.”
She was very quiet, thinking. I came over and lay on her bed next to her. She wasn’t really mad. We were both exhausted and I was flushed with the joy of being with Graham; I could still feel the amazing warmth of his skin against mine. I sighed and she ran her fingers through my hair.
“Ally,” she said. “He didn’t make one of those movies of you, did he?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I whispered, exasperated at her questions. “It doesn’t matter if he did. They’re just movies. They’re art. They’re documenting our lives. Everybody with a Twitter account does the same thing.”
I looked up at her and saw her concerned face. Neither of us had the energy for another fight. She was quiet, lost in thought. But when she spoke again she only said, “I’m sorry I threw Sparkle Pig.”
I said, “That’s okay. It’s better than when you stabbed him with the sewing scissors.”
“He needed surgery,” she said, starting to laugh a little. “He needed weight-loss surgery.”
And then I don’t know why but I just threw my arms around her and squeezed her tight. I said, “I love you, Syd.”
“Oh God,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Hey, what’s this about? Why are you all sentimental? Are you getting your period?” Then she looked down into my face. “Oh . . . my . . . God,” she said slowly. “Did you and Graham . . . ? Did you?”
I nodded and she smiled a confused smile at me and shook her head and then she kissed me on top of my head. “I love you too, Ally, and I know you’re in love.” She was silent for a time, and then she said, “But please. Don’t let him come between us.”